Jokes of the day for Sunday, 22 June 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 22 June 2014
  • Currently 9.64/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (58)

A man buys a lie detector robo...

A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decides to test it at dinner. He asks his son, "Son, where were you today during school hours?" "At school." The robot slaps the son. "Okay, I went to the movies!" The father asks, "Which one?" "Harry Potter." The robot slaps the son again. "Okay, I was watching porn!" The father replies, "What? When I was your age I didn't even know what porn was!" The robot slaps the father. The mom chimes in, "Haha! After all, he is your son!" The robot slaps the mother.
#joke
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 6.14/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (7)

24 Hours Left

A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, the man asks his wife for sex.

Naturally, she agrees, and they make love. About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey,you know I now have only 18 hours to live.

Could we please do it one more time?" Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.

Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife shoulder, and asks, "Honey, please...just one more time before die." She says, "Of course, Dear," and they make love for the third time.

After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep.

The man, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could..."

At this point the wife sits up and says,"Listen, I have to get up in the morning. You don't!"

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (6)

His father sends a small boy t...

His father sends a small boy to bed. Five
minutes later....
"Da-ad...."
"What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?" "No. You had your
chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (4)

Cutting class

"Jill," a teacher reprimanded the teenager in the hall, "do you mind telling me whose class you're cutting this time?"

"Like," the young teen replied, "uh, see, okay, like it's like I really don't like think like that's really important, y'know, like because I'm y'know, like I don't get anything out of it."

"It's English class, isn't it?" replied the smiling teacher.

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 4.80/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (5)

Funny Photo of the day - Baseball gloves

Baseball gloves | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (8)

Business One-liners 03


A day without sunshine is like night.
A disagreeable task is its own reward.
A donkey is a horse designed by a study team.
A fail-safe circuit will destroy others.
A flying particle will seek the nearest eye.
A fool and his money are soon elected.
A fool and his money stabilize the economy.
A free agent is anything but.
A friend in need is a pest indeed.
A geophysicist is not drunk as long as he can hang onto a single blade of grass and not fall off the face of the earth.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (4)

Lawyers in the Park

A guy from Czechslovakia was visiting his cousin the lawyer in California, and they went for a hike in Yellowstone Park. While they were hiking they were attacked by 2 bears, one male and one female. The male bear dismembered and ate the Czechslovakian guy, but the lawyer managed to escape.

He ran straight to the nearest Rangers station, and told them what had happened, and they sent out a group of rangers to see what was going on. Sure enough, the Rangers arrived at the place that the lawyer mentioned, and there were the female and the male bears.

So one of the Rangers took his rifle and shot the female. The lawyer turned to the ranger and asked "Why did you shoot the female? - it was the male that ate my friend"

So the Ranger replies "Would you believe a lawyer if he told you that the Czech is in the male?"

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (5)

Calculate the number 905

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 905 using numbers [7, 2, 4, 3, 46, 820] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

“A new computer shop ...

“A new computer shop has just opened up. It is located on Boot Drive.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (11)

Clean Joke, Dirty Joke

You wanna hear a dirty joke? A boy fell in a mud puddle.

You wanna hear a clean one? He took a bath!

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 02 January 2014
  • Currently 3.80/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (5)

Demetri Martin: Cool Leather

I was at a party the other night, and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, and I thought, That is cool. Like 10 minutes later, I saw a guy wearing a leather vest and I thought, That is not cool. Thats when I realized cool is all about leather sleeves.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 22 June 2011
  • Currently 3.10/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (39)

Johnnie Cochrane Closing Arguments for US v. Clinton

From the law offices of Johnnie Cochrane, Esquire, here are

the top ten proposed closing arguments in the matter of

United States v. William J. Clinton:

10. If the dress aint a mess, he won't need to confess

9. The economy's great, let the White Boy skate

8. If the Bitch didn't spit, you must acquit

7. If she is not spread eagle, then it is not illegal

6. Lewinsky's a whore, and Bill's better than Gore

5. So he lied to the masses, he was just saving some asses

4. He cheats on his wife, but its his personal life

3. Bill can't tell the truth till he sees Ken Starr's

proof

2. Bill is not sleazy, Lewinsky's just easy

And the number one closing argument by Johnny Cochrane:

1. If the sex is just oral, it is not really immoral

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 22 June 2010
  • Currently 4.06/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (33)

Blonde Houses

Q: What is even dumber than a blonde trying to build a house

underwater?

A: A blonde trying to burn it down.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 22 June 2011
  • Currently 3.90/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (30)

Dollars Equal Ten Cents


Theorem: 1$ = 10 cent
Proof:
We know that $1 = 100 cents
Divide both sides by 100
$ 1/100 = 100/100 cents
=> $ 1/100 = 1 cent
Take square root both side
=> squr($1/100) = squr (1 cent)
=> $ 1/10 = 1 cent
Multiply both side by 10
=> $1 = 10 cent

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 22 June 2011
  • Currently 3.82/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (28)

The Helpful Priest

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices

a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across

the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell

is too high for him to reach.

After watching the boys efforts for some time, the priest

moves closer to the boy's position. He steps smartly across

the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing

his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives

the doorbell a sold ring. Crouching down to the child's

level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now

what, my little man?"

To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 22 June 2012
  • Currently 5.62/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (21)

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