Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 29 July 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 29 July 2014
  • Currently 9.56/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (68)

Q: Why cant you hear a pteroda...

Q: Why cant you hear a pterodactyl pee? A: Because the "p" is silent.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 6.75/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (4)

Ploughing the land

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.
The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free. The farmer turned to the husband and said, "You know, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud today."
The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, "When do you have time to plough your land? At night?"

le vieil homme et la terre / The Old Man and the land

"No," the young farmer replied seriously, "Night is when I put the water in the hole."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (6)

“Is a group of finger...

“Is a group of fingerprints considered to be a whorl pool?”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.75/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (4)

Anagrams

George Bush: When you rearrange the letters: He Bugs Gore

Dormitory: When you rearrange the letters: Dirty Room

Evangelist: When you rearrange the letters: Evil's Agent

Desperation: When you rearrange the letters: A Rope Ends It

The Morse Code: When you rearrange the letters: Here Come Dots

Slot Machines: When you rearrange the letters: Cash Lost in Em

Animosity: When you rearrange the letters: Is No Amity

Snooze Alarms: Wen you rearrange the letters: Alas No More Z's

A Decimal Point: When you rearrange the letters: I'm a Dot in Place

Eleven plus two: When you rearrange the letters: Twelve plus one

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 7.17/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (6)

Funny Photo of the day - Art on the beach

Art on the beach | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (6)

Knock Knock Collection 031


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Carl!
Carl who?
Carl get you there quicker than if you walk!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Carmen!
Carmen who?
Carmen get it!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Carrie!
Carrie who?
Carrie the bags into the house please!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Carrot!
Carrot who?
Carrot me back home!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Cash!
Cash who?
Cash me if you can!

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (4)

Cannibals and Politicians

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...

Broiled Missionary: $25.00

Fried Explorer: $35.00

Baked Politician: $100.00.

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked , "Why such a price difference for the politician?"

The cook replied "Have you ever tried to clean one of them?"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (4)

What a winning combination?

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Unheavenly blessed

Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning the Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines!"

"What did you do?" the other nuns asked.

"Well, of course I threw them in the trash."

The second nun said, " Well, I can top that, I was in Father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!"

"Oh my!" gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked.

"I poked holes in all of them," she replied.

The third nun said, "Oh shit!"

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Yisman

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 29 July 2011
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (42)

Cristela Alonzo: Strippers in Med School

I meet a lot of strippers, and they always say the same thing: Im paying my way through medical school. Now, if thats the truth, why is that you never meet a doctor that used to be a stripper? Youd think theyd be everywhere.
#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 29 July 2012
  • Currently 4.41/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (32)

Nick Swardson: Down side of Magical Friends

One of my best friends is a professional magician. The only downside to having a magical friend is he always invites us on double dates, and thats the worst because Im a nice guy, but hes magic. Theres no way I can compete with that. He shows up, hes so smooth. Girls love him. Hes like, Hows it going? You look so beautiful tonight. Your hair -- is that a coin? Now, its a rose. Now, its money. And its like, I show up -- what am I gonna do? Im like, Hi, I brought you this rose. Now, its broken.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 29 July 2010
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (30)

Funny Humor About The Irish


This is a true story of the late Irish author Brendan Behan who one night collapsed in a diabetic coma in a Dublin street. It was at a time when he was at the height of his drunken notoriety and passes-by naturally thought he was dead drunk. They took him to the nearby surgery of one of Dublin's most fashionable and respected doctors. The doctor decided to take a cardiograph and, somewhat nervous of his patient, thought to humor him. He explained the workings of the cardiograph needle as it registered the faint heartbeats of the very sick and semiconscious Brendan.
"That needle there is writing down your pulses, Mr. Behan, and I suppose, in its own way, it is probably the most important thing you have ever written."
To which Behan replied: "Aye, and it's straight from me heart, too."
Shamrock
Three old ladies met on the street on a very stormy day. The wind was so strong and loud that they had difficulty in hearing each other.
"It's windy," said one.
"No, it's Thursday," said the next.
"So am I," said the third. "Let's go and have a drink!"

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 29 July 2011
  • Currently 4.30/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (27)

Pipe Organ

A local church built a new sanctuary. They moved their very

fine old pipe organ from to the new sanctuary. It was an

intricate task that was completed successfully.

The local news heralded . . . "St. Paul Completes Organ

Transplant."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 29 July 2012
  • Currently 4.44/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (25)

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