Q: How do you make a tissue da...Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogie in it.
“The tap dancer's rou...
“The tap dancer's routine ran hot and cold.”
A man who had spent his whole life in the desert visited a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the RR tracks, he heard a whistle, but didn't know what it was. Predictably, he's hit and is thrown, ass-over-tea-kettle, to the side of the tracks, with some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.
After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the teakettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the teakettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the desert man, "Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?"
The desert man replies, "Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small."
The black eye...
Mr. Bailey saw his son's shiner and demanded, "Scott, who gave you that black eye?"
"No one gave it to me dad," replied the spunky lad. "I had to fight for it."
Knock Knock Collection 085
Henrietta toadstool but thought it was a mushroom!
Hepburn and indigestion!
Herman is handsome!
Hiawatha very bad today!
Hiram fine, how are you!
Racists & Light Bulbs
Q: How many racists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They don't want to be enlightened.
CINEMANIA: From which movie is this scene?
Point and LaughWhat are two things you should never do in bed?
Point and Laugh!
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
A passenger in a taxi leaned o...A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."
The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.
The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."
Golf in HeavenBill, the avid golfer, contacts a "Medium" and asks if there is a golf course in Heaven.
The Medium says that his request is a big order, but he will try and find out and get back to him in a few days.
After several days go by, Bill finally gets a call from the Medium.
"Well," said Bill, "What did ya find out?"
"I've got good news and bad news for you," said the Medium.
"OK, what's the good news?" Bill exclaimed.
"Well, there is a beautiful 36 hole golf course in Heaven, and you'll have 24 hour access with your own personal caddy," blurted out the Medium!!
"And the bad news?" asked Bill.
"You're due to tee-off this Sunday at around 10:30 in the morning," the Medium said!
Three Vampires Go To A BarThree vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."
The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."
The waitress turns to the third vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some plasma."
The waitress looks up and says, "Let me see if I have this order correct. You want two bloods and a blood light?"
Michael Ian Black: Ambien Racing GameHeres how you play: on your drive home tonight... when you get, like, 15, 20 minutes away from your house, take an Ambien -- and then just try to beat it. Really fun, and it makes the last part of the drive go really fast, you guys.
Worst reply of a proposal...Girl: I love you!
Boy: Hmm... And tell me, whats up??