Jokes of the day for Monday, 11 August 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 11 August 2014
  • Currently 9.48/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (63)

What do you call a Mexican wit...

What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe? Roberto
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

“The student had such...

“The student had such a big assignment, he had to burn his kindle at both ends.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (4)

Funny video of the day - Best Fails of the Week 1 August 2014

Best Fails of the Week 1 August 2014 - Many funny fails from first week of August 2014 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (6)

The Vase

A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in.
He says "What's this?"
She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."
He says, "Jeez...oooh....I..."
She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 5.20/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (5)


Q: What did the windmill...


Q: What did the windmill say when she met her favorite movie star?
A: "Nice to meet you. I'm a BIG FAN!"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (3)

Funny Photo of the day - Using chair to protect from rain

Using chair to protect from rain - And staying cool | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (3)

What Did You Learn?

Susie came home from her first day at school.

Her mother said, "Well, Honey, what did you learn today?"

"Not enough, I guess....They want me to come back again tomorrow."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.60/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (5)

Fish Jokes 03


Where are most fish found?

Between the head and the tail!

What kind of fish will help you hear better?

A herring aid!

What do fish sing to each other?

Salmon-chanted evening!

How does an octopus go to war?

Well-armed!

Where do you find a down-and-out octopus?

On squid row!

What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
Monkfish!

What bit of fish doesn't make sense?

The piece of cod that passeth all understanding!

What is dry on the outside, filled with water and blows up buildings?

A fish tank!

What was the Tsar of Russia's favorite fish?

Tsardines!

What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?

I wanna hold you hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!


#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (3)

MAGIC SQUARE: Calculate A-B+C

The aim is to place the some numbers from the list (1, 3, 5, 8, 25, 27, 30, 38, 40, 42, 43) into the empty squares and squares marked with A, B an C. Sum of each row and column should be equal. All the numbers of the magic square must be different. Find values for A, B, and C. Solution is A-B+C.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Alaskan Drunk Goes F

A drunk guy in Alaska decides to go ice fishing. So he packs up his stuff and goes out onto the ice.

He starts sawing a hole in the ice, and a loud booming voice says, "YOU WILL FIND NO FISH UNDER THAT ICE!"

The drunk looks up, ignores it, and continues on. The voice repeats, "YOU WILL FIND NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

The drunk looks up and says, "God? Is this God trying to warn me?"

The voice says "NO, I'M THE MANAGER OF THIS ICE RINK."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Paris Native

Q: What's a native of Paris called?

A: A parasite.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.20/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (5)


A cocky State Highways em...


A cocky State Highways employee stopped at a farm and talked with an old farmer. He told the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm for a possible new road."

The old farmer said, "OK, but don't go in that field." The Highways employee said, "I have the authority of the State Government to go where I want. See this card? I am allowed to go wherever I wish on farm land."

So the old farmer went about his farm chores.

Later, he heard loud screams and saw the State Highways employee running for the fence and close behind was the farmer's prize bull. The bull was madder than a nest full of hornets and the bull was gaining on the employee at every step!!

The old farmer called out, "Show him your card!!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 11 August 2010
  • Currently 5.20/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (25)

On a tropical island

On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:

Two Italian men and one Italian woman

Two French men and one French woman

Two German men and one German woman

Two Greek men and one Greek woman

Two English men and one English woman

Two Polish men and one Polish woman

Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman

Two American men and one American woman

Two Australian men and one Australian woman

Two New Zealand men and one New Zealand woman

Two Irish men and one Irish woman

One month later the following things have occurred:

One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

The two French men and the French woman are living happily together having loads of sex.

The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman.

The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.

The two Polish men took a long look at the endless ocean and one look at the Polish woman and they started swimming.

The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, while the American woman keeps on bitching about her body being her own, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything that they can do, about the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how her last boyfriend

respected her opinion and treated her much nicer and how her relationship with her mother is improving - but at least the taxes are low and it's not raining.

The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are waiting for further instructions.

The two Australian men beat each other senseless for the Australian woman, who is checking out all the other men after calling them both 'bloody wankers'.

Both the New Zealand men are searching the island for sheep.

The Irish began by dividing the island into North and South and by setting up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few bottles of coconut whisky, but they are satisfied in that at least the English are not getting any.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 11 August 2009
  • Currently 4.24/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (25)

Brendon Walsh: Bathroom Break

Ever been at your job and you get so bored and sick of doing it that you just go to the bathroom to hang out? You dont even need to go. You just want a change of scenery for a little bit.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 11 August 2011
  • Currently 3.05/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (21)

Walrus and Tupperwar

What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common? They both like a tight seal.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 11 August 2011
  • Currently 3.10/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (20)

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