Jokes of the day for Monday, 18 August 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 18 August 2014
  • Currently 9.57/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (63)

“What is the name of ...

“What is the name of the immortal adolescent? Constantine!”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

A man was checking into a hote...

A man was checking into a hotel when he saw a golden retriever sitting on a rug near the hotel elevator. Talking to the man behind the desk, he asked, "Does your dog bite?" The attendant said, "No, he doesn't." But as the man let his hand down to pat the dog, it bit his hand and held on so tightly that the man had to throw him across the room.

Returning to the desk, the man said, "I thought you said that your dog didn't bite." He directed the attendant's attention to the dog, who now had returned to the rug. The attendant simply answered, "My friend that is NOT my dog."
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (4)

Funny video of the day - Best Fails of the Week 2 August 2014

Best Fails of the Week 2 August 2014 - Many fanny falls and other funny stuff for second week of August 2014 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 7.17/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (6)

Miracle worker...

Two guys and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and joined them in the boat. When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked, humbly, "Jesus, I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam War...could you help me?"

"Of course, my son," Jesus said, and when he touched the man's back, he felt relief for the first time in years.

The second man, who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving, asked if Jesus could do anything about his eyesight.

Jesus smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them in the lake. When they hit the water, the man's eyes cleared, and he could see everything distinctly.

When Jesus turned to heal the union worker, the guy put his hands up and cried, defensively, "DON'T TOUCH ME! I'm on long-term disability!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (4)

Knock Knock Collection 107


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Juno!
Juno who!
Juno what time it is!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Jupiter!
Jupiter who!
Jupiter fly in my soup!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Jussi!
Jussi who!
Jussi fruit!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Justice!
Justice who!
Justice as I thought, no one home!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Justin!
Justin who?
Justin time for tea!

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (3)

Funny Photo of the day - Boredom at work

Boredom at work - Biggest fan Sad for not being able to watch | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.88/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (8)

72

Q: What's 72?

A: 69 with three people watching.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (3)

Husband Calling

Mick's wife was furiously humping away with her husband's best mate, Peter, when suddenly the phone rang. She hopped out of bed and returned to the sweaty sheet after a brief conversation.
"Who was it?" the back stabbing buddy asked.
"Oh, that was Mick," she replied calmly.
"Oh crap, I'd better be going then!" he said. "Did Mick say where he was?"
"Relax -- he's down at the pub playing a few games of pool with you."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (4)

What a winning combination?

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Name plates

Three young women were hired by an insurance company on the same day.

A year later the boss said each of them was due for a promotion, and that each woman would get her own office with her name on the door.

One day one of the women came in and found to her surprise that the other women had already moved into their own offices.

Going to her boss's office, she asked when her own office would be provided.

He pulled back his chair from his desk and unzipped his fly. "See this?" he asked, "This is quality, and in this company, quality goes in before the name goes on."

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Glaci

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 15 October 2011
  • Currently 2.69/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (48)

The Wedding

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 18 August 2009
  • Currently 5.26/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (65)

Chuck Norris does not go hunti...

Chuck Norris does not go hunting. Chuck Norris goes killing.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 18 August 2011
  • Currently 3.56/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (25)

Blonde Coyote

Did you hear about the blonde coyote?

She got stuck in a trap, chewed off three of her legs and was still stuck.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 18 August 2010
  • Currently 4.42/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (24)

Converting to the Society of Friends

Rabbi 1: We've got to do something. Many of the young people in our synagogue are converting to the Quaker faith.
Rabbi 2: I've noticed that too. In fact, some of my best Jews are Friends!

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 18 August 2010
  • Currently 4.43/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (21)

Maria Bamford: 30 Ways to Shape Up

Thirty ways to shape up for summer -- number one: eat less; number two: exercise more; number three... What was I talking about? Im so hungry right now.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 18 August 2011
  • Currently 4.05/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (20)

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