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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 21 August 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 21 August 2014

Q: Why did the skeleton cross ...

Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road?
A: To get to the body shop.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (5)

“Crane drivers have u...

“Crane drivers have uplifting pick-up lines.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 6.33/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (3)

SLIDESHOW #79 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Shingles...

A guy walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. He said, "shingles." So she took down his name, address, and medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked him what he had. He said, "shingles." So she took down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told him to wait in the examining room.

A half-hour later, a nurse came in and asked him what he had. He said, "shingles." She gave him a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, told him to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and asked him what he had. He said, "shingles." The doctor said, "Where?" He said, "Outside in the truck. Where do you want them?"

#joke #doctor
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (6)

Funny video of the day - Ultimate Fails Compilation 2014

Ultimate Fails Compilation 2014 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (6)

Ads During the Lewinsky Interview

The Five Commercials Aired During The Lewinsky / Walters

Interview"

(These actually aired during the interview)

5. Victoria's Secret lingerie.

4. Burger King - featuring the song "It's My Party, and

I'll Cry if I Want To."

3. Oral-B Deluxe.

2. A promo for the TV movie "Cleopatra," with the following

voice-over: "When she was only 20, she seduced the most

powerful leader in the world."

1. Maytag's Neptune washing machine - "It actually has the

power to remove stains!"

#joke
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (3)

Funny Photo of the day - Playing in the sand

Playing in the sand | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 6.83/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (6)

Adventures in Disneyland

Two blondes were on their way to Disneyland and came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left."

So they went home.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (6)

Seven days to live

Doctor: "I've got some bad news and some really bad news. The bad news is you only have a week to live."

Patient: "What could be worse news than that?"

Doctor: "I've been trying to contact you for the last 6 days."

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 04 September 2013
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (10)

Ponderings Collection 20


Why is the word abbreviation so long?
How come you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
You know how most packages say "Open here".What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
Since Americans throw rice at weddings do orientals throw hamburgers?
Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?
Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
Why do people without out a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is?
Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is?
Why does sour cream have an expiration date?

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 30 January 2011
  • Currently 4.09/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (11)

Glenn Wool: Uncle Sam

You know who Uncle Sam is, hes that goat-faced dude who dresses like Apollo Creed. Hes always pointing at you. He wants you. Is that really the imagery we should be listening to? An uncle who looks like hes about to touch you? Uncle Sam wants you to keep a secret.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 21 August 2011
  • Currently 3.26/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (39)

Walking on Water

A rabbi, priest, and a minister are out fishing in a boat on a big lake when the priest realizes that he has to go to the bathroom. Not wanting to disturb the fishing of the others in the boat by having them take him to shore, he gets out of the boat and walks across the water to do his business and then returns to the boat.A little while later the minister has to go also and he does the same. He walks across the water, does his business and returns across the water to the boat.
Finally the rabbi feels the urge to go to the bathroom too, so he climbs out of the boat. But instead of walking across the water, he falls into the water and starts to wildly splash around. The priest and the minister finally drag the rabbi back into the boat and the priest turns to the minister and says, "Maybe we should have told him where the rocks were."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 21 August 2010
  • Currently 6.80/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (35)

What is sex?

An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?" The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the "birds and the bees." When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?" The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 21 August 2010
  • Currently 7.91/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (34)

Thinking about the future

Q. How does a man show he's planning for the future?

A. He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

#joke #short #beer
  • Currently 9.17/10

Rating: 9.2/10 (6)

Dane Cook: Dropping Your Phone in Your Own Piss

Im in a new club, by the way. And I dont know if youre first timers like I am, but Im in the I Just Dropped My Cell Phone In My Own Piss Club. Have you done that? Yeah, good times. Im on the phone and I forget that Im using shoulder technique. Urinals were taken so I went in to use the regular john. And as Im standing there, mid-conversation, Im like Are you serious? and it just started to toboggan right down my powerful chest.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 03 December 2011
  • Currently 2.90/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (48)

A blonde walks into a doctor...

A blonde walks into a doctor's office and says, "Doc, I'm horribly sick!"
The doctor looks at her and asks, "Flu?"
"No, I drove here."
#joke #short #blonde #doctor
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.43/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (23)

The runner

Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day, she was in bed with her boyfriend Ralph, when she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway. She yelled at Ralph, "Hurry! grab your clothes and jump out the window, my husband is home early!"

Ralph looked out the window and said, "I can't jump out the window! It's raining like hell out there."

Mary cried, "If my husband catches us in here, he will kill both of us!"

So, Ralph grabbed his clothes and jumped out the window. When he landed outside he found himself in the middle of a marathon race, so he started running along side the others, only he was still in the nude, carrying his clothes on his arm.

One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?"

Ralph answered, while gasping for air, "Oh yes, it feels so free having the air blow over your skin while you are running."

Then another runner asked, "Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?"

Ralph answered breathlessly, "Oh yes, that way I can get dressed at the end of the run and get in my car to go home."

Then another runner asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"

Ralph answered, "Only if it's raining."

#joke
  • Currently 6.31/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (16)

Six guys were playing poker wh...

Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up. Roberts looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?" They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is. "Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me." Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, and asks what he wants. Rippington says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards." She hollers, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!" Rippington says, "I'll tell him.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 22 March 2013
  • Currently 7.23/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (13)

Jokes Archive

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