Jokes of the day for Sunday, 24 August 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 24 August 2014
  • Currently 9.52/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (77)

My friend asked me...

My friend asked me, "Why are you getting a divorce?"
I responded, "My wife wasn't home the entire night and in the morning she said she spent the night at her sister's house."
He said, "So?"
And I responded, "She's lying. I spent the night at her sister's house!"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (12)

Supporting a family...

Sam had proposed to young Lisa and was being interviewed by his prospective father-in-law.

"Do you think you are earning enough to support a family?" the older man asked the suitor.

"Yes, sir," replied Sam, "I am."

"Well," said Lisa's father, "think carefully now. There are six of us."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (3)

Funny video of the day - Best Fails of the Week 3 August 2014

Best Fails of the Week 3 August 2014 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (4)

Knock Knock

Why cant blondes tell knock knock jokes?
Because, they always leave to answer the door...
#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (5)

Only In America

1. Only in America... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3.Only in America... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America... do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.

5. Only in America... do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America... do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 2.67/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (3)

Funny Photo of the day - Parking somewhere in Japan

Parking somewhere in Japan | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (6)

Rogaine and Viagra

Q: What do you get when you mix Rogaine and Viagra?
A: Hair that stands straight up on your head.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (5)

“Hemlock is a special...

“Hemlock is a special attachment on a sewing machine.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

Look carefully the picture a...

Look carefully the picture and guess the game name.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Tetanus Shot

The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat.
His wife, seeing the unexpected behavior, asks, "Where are you going?"
He replies, "I'm going to the doctor."
She says, "Why, are you sick?"
He says, "Nope, I'm going to get me some of that Viagra stuff."
Immediately the wife starts working and positioning herself to get out of her rocker and begins to put on her coat.
He says, "Where the hell are you going"?
She answers, "I'm going to the doctor, too."
He says, "Why, what do you need?"
She says, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm getting a tetanus shot."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 10 December 2012
  • Currently 3.88/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (16)

A doctor is complaining to a mechanic...

A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, "Your fee is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care."

"Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn't changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every month."

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 24 August 2011
  • Currently 4.13/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (38)

Chemistry Song 04


Silent Labs
Silent labs, difficult labs
All with math, all with graphs
Observations of colors and smells
Calculations and graph curves like bells
Memories of tests that have past
Oh, how long will chemistry last?
Silent labs, difficult labs
All with math, all with graphs
Lots of equations that need balancing
Gas pressure problems that make my head ring
Santa Chlorine's on his way
Oh, Please Santa bring me an 'A'.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 24 August 2010
  • Currently 3.54/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (13)

Jesus is watching

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his torch around looking for valuables.

When he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying,

'Jesus is watching you.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off and froze.

When he heard nothing more after a little while, he shook his head, promised himself a holiday after the next score, and then clicked his light back on and began searching for more valuables.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell, he heard,

'Jesus is watching you.'

Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically looking for the source of the voice.

Finally, in the corner of the room, his torch came to rest on a parrot.

'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

'Yep,' the parrot confessed, and then squawked, 'I'm trying to warn you.'

The burglar relaxed.

'Warn me, eh? Who are you?'

'Moses,' replied the parrot.

`Moses?' The burglar laughed. 'What kind of stupid people would name a parrot Moses?'

The parrot replied, 'Probably the same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 24 August 2012
  • Currently 5.58/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (12)

Hospital Trolley

A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She's laid on a hospital trolley bed with nothing on, except a sheet over her. The nurse pushes the trolley down the corridor towards the operating theatre, where she leaves the girl on the trolley outside, while she goes in to check whether everything is ready. A young man wearing a white coat approaches, lifts the sheet up and starts examining her naked body. He puts the sheet back and then walks away and talks to another man in a white coat. The second man comes over, lifts the sheet and does the same examinations. When a third man does the same thing, but more closely, she grows impatient and says: "All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?"

Stretcher

The man in the white coat shrugged his shoulders: "I have no idea. We're just painting the corridor."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 24 August 2012
  • Currently 3.36/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (11)

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