Join us on WhatsApp
Join us on Viber

Jokes of the day for Monday, 22 September 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 22 September 2014

Teacher and student

Teacher: "What is the chemical formula for water?"
Student: "HIJKLMNO."
Teacher: "What are you talking about?"
Student: "Yesterday you said it's H to O!"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 7.53/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (36)

50 Years of Marriage

An old couple is having breakfast when the old woman says to her husband, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years.?"
"Yes," he replies. "Fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together. And we were probably naked as jaybirds."
"Well," the old woman snickers, "should we get naked again for old time's sake?"
So they strip off their clothing and sit back down at the table. "You know," the old woman says breathlessly, "my nipples are as hot for you today as they were 50 years ago."

SnapSluts

"I'm not surprised," replies the old man. "One's in your coffee and the other's in your oatmeal!"

#joke
  • Currently 4.38/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (8)

SLIDESHOW #37 - Funny Photo Slideshow

While giving a physical the do...

While giving a physical the doctor noticed that his patient's shins were covered with dark bruises.

"Tell me," said the doctor, "do you play hockey or soccer?"

"Neither," said the man. "My wife and I play bridge."
#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 5.70/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (10)

Funny video of the day - Luckiest Cyclist in Russia

Luckiest Cyclist in Russia - Maybe even the world. Happend in Lyubertsy, Russia. No one was hurt. - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (5)

“Cartoons produced by...

“Cartoons produced by the Japanese government are animes of the state.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 6.56/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (9)

Funny Photo of the day - Acer’s Selfie Hat for London Fashion Week!

Acer’s Selfie Hat for London Fashion Week! - This unique headpiece is a huge glittery pink sombrero that features a fold-down flap integrated with Acer’s Iconia A-1 840 tablet | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 6.40/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (5)

The Parrot

A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store.

The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious!

She stormed past the store to her work.

On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." She was incredibly ticked now.

The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."

The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and warned she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.

When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady."

She paused and said, "Yes?"

The bird said, "You know."
#joke
Joke | Source: Florida Dude - Welcome To The Beach - new jokes every day
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

I want to start eating more ce...

I want to start eating more cereal, but I don't know if I'm Shreddie.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.17/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (6)

A young woman was preparing fo...

A young woman was preparing for her wedding. She asked her mother to go out and buy a nice long black negligee and carefully place it in her suitcase so it would not wrinkle. Well, Mom forgot until the last minute. So she dashed out and could only find a short pink nightie. She bought it and threw it into the suitcase.
After the wedding the bride and groom enter their hotel room. The groom was a little self-conscious so he asked his new bride to change in the bathroom and promise not to peek while he got ready for bed.
While she was in the bathroom, the bride opened her suitcase and saw the negligee her mother had thrown in there. She exclaimed, "Oh no! It's short, pink, and wrinkled!"
Then her groom cried out, "I told you not to peek!"
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

American-Yiddish Dictionary

JEWBILATION - Pride in finding out that one's favorite celebrity is Jewish.
TORAHFIED - Inability to remember one's lines at one's Bar or Bat mitzvah.
CHUTZPAPA - A father who wakes his wife at 4:00 AM so she can change the baby's diaper.
DISORIYENTA - When Aunt Sadie gets lost in a department store and strikes up a conversation with everyone she passes.
MISHPOCHAMARKS - The assorted lipstick and make-up stains found on one's face and collar after kissing all one's aunts and cousins at a reception.
ROSH HASHANANA - A rock 'n roll band from Brooklyn.
FEELAWFUL - Indigestion from eating Israeli street food.
KINDERSCHLEP - To transport other kids in your car besides yours.
OYVAYSMEAR - What one says when the cream cheese squeezes out of the bagel and falls on your clean pants.
JEWDO - A traditional form of self-defense based on talking one's way out of a tight spot.
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 6.67/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (6)

Star power...

Steven Spielberg was discussing his new project -- an action docudrama about famous composers starring top movie stars. Sylvester Stallone, Steven Seagal, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger being courted for the top roles.

Spielberg really hoped to have the box office "oomph" of these superstars, so he was prepared to allow them to select the composers they would portray, as long as they among the most famous.

"Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him."

"Chopin has always been my favorite, and my image would improve if people saw me playing the piano," said Willis. "I'll play him."

"I've always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes," said Seagal. "I'd like to play him."

Spielberg was very pleased with these choices. "Sounds splendid." Then, looking at Schwarzenegger, he asked, "Who do you want to be, Arnold?"

Arnold replied, "I'll be Bach."

#joke
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (4)

Touring South America


A tourist is traveling with a guide through one of the thickest jungles in South America, when he comes across an ancient Mayan temple. The tourist is entranced by the temple, and asks the guide for details. To this, the guide states that archaeologists are carrying out excavations, and still finding great treasures. The tourist then queries how old the temple is.
"This temple is 1503 years old", replies the guide.
Impressed at this accurate dating, he inquires as to how he gave this precise figure.
"Easy", replies the guide, "the archaeologists said the temple was 1500 years old, and that was three years ago"

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 6.38/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (8)

Jokes about Ireland

Joey-Jim was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. "What's wrong, Seamus?" Joey-Jim asked. "Well didn't ya know, Joey-Jim, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?" said Seamus. "Ah, praise the Almighty!" he replied with relief. "I thought I'd gone deaf!"

Pat and Jimmy-Joe met and one said to the other,

"Have ye seen Mulligan lately, Pat?"

Pat said, "Well, I have and I haven't."

His friend asked, "Shure, and what d'ye mean by that?"

Pat said, "It's like this, y'see...I saw a chap who I thought was Mulligan, and he saw a chap that he thought was me. And when we got up to one another...it was neither of us."

#joke #policeman
  • Currently 4.13/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (8)

A young child walked up to her...

A young child walked up to her mother and stared at her hair. As mother scrubbed on the dishes, the girl cleared her throat and sweetly asked; "Why do you have some grey strands in your hair?"
The mother paused and looked at her daughter. "Every time you disobey, I get one strand of grey hair. If you want me to stay pretty, you better obey."
The mother quickly returned to her task of washing dishes. The little girl stood there thinking. She cleared her throat again. "Mother?" She sweetly asked again.
"Yes?" Her Mother replied. "Why is Grandma's hair all grey?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 20 June 2012
  • Currently 5.30/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (10)

Watching the game

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom.

When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.

'What are you doing?' she exclaimed.

The daughter replied, 'I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband.'

Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on the sofa with her vibrator.

'What are you doing?' he exclaimed.

The daughter replied, 'I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband.'

A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time in the living room. Upon entering the room, she found her husband watching television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him.

She asked, 'What are you doing?'

He replied, 'Watching the game with my son-in-law.'

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 22 September 2011
  • Currently 7.09/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (56)

Bowlegged

Why are cowgirls always bowlegged?

Cowboys like to eat with their hats on.

Submitted by Calamjo

Edited by Curtis

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 22 September 2008
  • Currently 4.77/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (48)

Family Bible

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.

“Momma, look what I found,” the boy called out.

“What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked.

With astonishment in the his voice, he answered, “It's Adam's Suit!”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 22 September 2012
  • Currently 4.78/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (40)

Musicians and Lightbulbs

Q: How many musicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: One, two, one, two, three, four!

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 22 September 2013
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (35)

Jeff Dunham: Tattoos as Cover-up

Jeff Dunham: Did you get the tattoo?
Walter: Hell no.
Jeff Dunham: Well if you had, what would you have gotten?
Walter: I would have gotten a beautiful womans face.
Jeff Dunham: Ah, and where would you have put it?
Walter: On my wifes face.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 22 September 2011
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (15)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.