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Jokes of the day for Friday, 10 October 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 10 October 2014

Three old timers at the retire...

Three old timers at the retirement home were complaining about growing old. The first one says, "I wake up at 7:00 AM and try for a half hour to take a poop." The second one says, "Oh yeah? I spend an hour trying to pee." The third one says, "I take a nice poop at 7:00 AM and about 7:30 AM take a nice pee." The other two guys look at him and ask, "What are you complaining about?" The third man explains, "I don't wake up till 8:30 AM."
#joke
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (4)

“Deep cuts were made ...

“Deep cuts were made in the guillotine industry and heads rolled.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (5)

SLIDESHOW #93 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Investment Opportunity

I thought you might want to consider getting on board early for this investment opportunity.

An Engineer friend of mine just started his own business in Afghanistan.

He's making land mines that look like prayer mats.

He is doing very well.

He says prophets are going through the roof.

#joke
Joke | Source: Florida Dude - Welcome To The Beach - new jokes every day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Funny video of the day - 10 Relationship Rules

10 Relationship Rules - Need some relationship advice? Here are the 10 rules to live by if you want your relationship to succeed... - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.40/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (10)

The phone rang at the firehous...

The phone rang at the firehouse just five minutes after the men had all retired for their afternoon nap. "It's a terrible blaze at my house," the voice frantically cried. "The flames are licking through the basement and the first floor. Pretty soon they'll ravage the entire place."

"Did you try throwing water over it?" asked the fire chief.

"Yes!"

"Then there's no use our coming over. That's all we do."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 5.80/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (5)

Funny Photo of the day - Scorpion Chair, Awesome!

Scorpion Chair, Awesome! - For Scorpion King! Made by painter, sculptor, and woodcarver Vyacheslav Pakhomov | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.42/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (12)

The following are a sampling o...

The following are a sampling of real answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school (read Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.)
Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying "Guns don't kill people. I do."
Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car?
A: Always wear a condom.
Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.
Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.
Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.
Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute.
Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.
Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.
Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (5)

Jury duty...

Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course.

But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and quiet calm, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury.

"Madam," he explained, "this is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday."

"Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all."

#joke
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

21, 21, 21...

There's a brunette walking down a set of railroad tracks saying,"21, 21, 21..."

Then a blonde pulls up, gets out of her car, and says,"What are you doing?"

The brunette replies,"Just counting."

The blonde says,"May I join you?"

"Yes," replies the brunette. So the blonde and the brunette are now both walking down the railroad tracks saying,"21, 21, 21..."

A train comes and the brunette jumps off the tracks as the blonde gets hit. After the train passes, the brunette gets back on the tracks and says,"22, 22, 22..."

#joke #blonde
  • Currently 3.88/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (8)

A Doctors Lecture

A Doctor was addressing a large audience. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.
Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake."

#joke #doctor
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (7)

Chemistry Song 13


O Come All Ye Gases
O Come all yea gases
diatomic wonders
O come yea, o come yea
calls Avogadro.
O come yea in moles
6 x 10 to the 23rd
O molar mass and molecules
O volume, pressure and temperature
O molar volume of gases at S.T.P.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 13 June 2014
  • Currently 4.75/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (4)

Q. What did the fish say when ...

Q. What did the fish say when it swam into the wall?
A. Dam!
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 22 August 2012
  • Currently 4.17/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (6)

Chuck Norris built a time mach...

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 10 October 2011
  • Currently 2.27/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (83)

Pepsi Genie

It was a black man.....a hungry, thirsty bum. He was looking for food in a garbage can, when suddenly he finds a can of Pepsi. He opens the can and a magic genie comes out.

"You get three wishes, be very careful and don't spoil them."

"OK, OK," and without hesitation he says, "first I want to be white. Second, I want a lot of girls, naked girls, beautiful girls sitting on my face! And third, I want plenty to drink.... lots of water.

Bam, presto...the Magic Genie turned him into.....a toilet!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 10 October 2011
  • Currently 4.92/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (79)

Iliza Shlesinger: Season Change

I was in New York last Christmas, its snowing, theres a guy in a t-shirt. Im like, Dude, arent you cold? No, Im from New York, I dont get cold. Just cause youre from a cold place doesnt mean youre genetically predisposed to not feeling cold. Youre not a penguin. I was like, In fact sir, youre Puerto Rican, so if anything, you should be more cold.
#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 10 October 2011
  • Currently 3.32/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (57)

A widower who never paid any a...

A widower who never paid any attention to his wife while she was alive now found himself missing her desperately. He went to a psychic to see if he could contact his late wife. The psychic went into a trance. A strange breeze wafted through the darkened room, and suddenly, the man heard the unmistakable voice of his dearly departed wife. "Honey!" he cried. "Is that you?" "Yes, my husband." "Are you happy?" "Yes, my husband." "Happier than you were with me?" "Yes, my husband." "Then Heaven must be an amazing place!" "I'm not in Heaven, dear."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 10 October 2010
  • Currently 5.27/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (48)

We Are The Best Of Friends

The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will."
"That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then added, "Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

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