Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 25 November 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 25 November 2014
  • Currently 9.51/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (63)

Barber shop

President George Bush and President Barack Obama ended up at the barbershop at the same time.

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken.

The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.

As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had President Bush in his chair reached for the aftershave. President Bush was quick to stop him, saying: “No thanks, my wife will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse.”

The second barber turned to President Obama and said: “How about you, Mr. President?

Obama replied, “Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.”

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Jerk Of The Highway

A man was in a hurry to meet his friend down at the nearby lake. On the way down there, he was stopped by a man fully dressed in red. The man pulled over, and the red man asked,

"Hi, I'm the red jerk of the highway. Have anything to eat?"

The man smiled and handed him a sandwich. He continued down the highway and was yet again pulled over by a man fully dressed in green. He stopped and the guy in green said,

"Hi, I'm the green jerk of the highway. Have anything to drink?"

Without smiling, the man handed the green guy his coke. He started off again and started to speed down the highway. Yet again he was stopped by a guy fully dressed in blue. Sighing, he pulled over and pulled down his window, leant out and said,

"Let me guess. You're the blue jerk of the highway. What do you want?"

"Registration and license please" came the reply.

#joke
Joke | Source: Florida Dude - Welcome To The Beach - new jokes every day
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

Funny video of the day - Italian fireworks - grat, but dangerous

Italian fireworks - grat, but dangerous - Final Batteria Sanseverese by Chiarappa | Adelfia 2014 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

“I had a friend that

“I had a friend that collected police cars, ambulances and fire trucks. It was an estate of emergency when he died.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

A doctor rushed out of his stu

A doctor rushed out of his study room.
"Get me my bag!" he shouted.
"Why, what's the matter?" inquired his pretty young wife.
"Some fellow just phoned and said he can't live without me," he gasped as he reached for his hat.
The young wife sighed. "Just a moment," she said gently, "I think that call was for me."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.25/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (8)

Funny Photo of the day - Winter makeup

Winter makeup - Just go out and get it! | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
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Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Paper shredder...

The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused.

"Need some help?" a secretary asked.

"Yes," he replied. "How does this thing work?"

"Simple," she said, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the shredder.

"Thanks, but where do the copies come out?"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

 Lightbulb Joke Collection 100


Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None -- He'll only promise "change."
Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: He doesn't. He whines a while, says "I feel your pain", and gets congress to pass a billion dollar light security bill, and blames republicans and special interests for not making lightbulbs free.

Q: How many US Presidents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, the constitution says that only Congress can screw in light bulbs, so only Congress is responsible for the dark, which is why we need a Constitutional ammendment.
Q: How many US Presidents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one. If he can handle 250000000 people a day I think he can handle screwing one extra lightbulb.
Q: How many presidential candidates does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Less and less all the time.
Q: How many believable, competent, "just right for the job" presidential candidates does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
Q: How many presidential campaign staff does it need to change a light bulb?
A: 220! One to write a speech about how good it will be when the bulb is actually changed, one to write a speech about why the other candidates can't even spell "lightbulbe", eighteen to find out what the other candidates did when the lightbulb failed, and another two hundred to find out what the other candidate's families think about lightbulbs, bulbs, pear-shaped objects, light in general, any form of energy.
Q: How many Democratic presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
A: (Mike Dukakis) In Massachusetts, my enlightened government has made it unnecessary for people to screw in their own light bulbs, as we have put thousands of former welfare recipients to work for the Dept. of Light Bulb Installation. These employees will come to your home or business and install any incandescent bulb, on only a few months notice.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
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Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Calculate the number 2164

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 2164 using numbers [2, 3, 6, 2, 25, 704] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Angry Witch

Q. What do you call an angry Witch?
A. Ribbit
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at
the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy
25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her
youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens
intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At
the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the
trophy girlfriend?' Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!' They
are knocked over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to
marry you?' 'I lied about my age', Bob replies. 'What, did you tell her
you were only 50?' Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'
#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

At school, a boy is told by a...

At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth" even when you don't know anything.
The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted by his mother at the front door he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."
The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms and says, "Then come give your FATHER a big hug!"
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 7.91/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (11)

Lumber

A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."

The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"

The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."

"Alright. How long do you need them?"

The blonde paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check."

After awhile, he returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."

#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

Poultry

Q: If fruit grows on a fruit tree, then what does chicken grow on?

A: A poultry.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

What did the farmer get when h

What did the farmer get when he crossed a centipede with a Turkey? 100 Drumsticks.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

An Irishman is walking along t...

An Irishman is walking along the beach one day, and he sees a bottle laying in the sand. He picks it up and starts to brush it off, and out pops a genie.
The genie says, "Since you have freed me from the bottle, I will grant you three wishes."
The Irishman thinks for a moment and says, "I'm feeling a might thirsty, I think I'll be wishing for a pint of stout."
POOF! There is a pint of stout in his hand. He drinks it down, and starts to throw the bottle, when the genie says, "I'd look at that bottle again before I threw it if I were you." So he looks at the bottle, and it is magicaly filling back up with stout. The genie told him, "That is a magic bottle, and it will always fill back up after you finish it." The genie then asked, "What other two wishes can I grant for you?"
The Irishman looks at the bottle in his hand and says, "I'll be taking two more of these."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 25 November 2009
  • Currently 5.66/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (56)

Jo Koy: My Inspiration

A lot of people are wearing t-shirts with pictures of people that inspire them to do stuff. I wear a picture of my son cause no one inspires me to work harder than my son. Its also a constant reminder to wear a condom.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 25 November 2011
  • Currently 3.80/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (40)

Hari Kondabolu: Vegan Thanksgiving

I have had vegan Thanksgiving of tofurkey and soy gravy. And its not to say that Thanksgiving will ever justify the genocide of the Native Americans. But vegan Thanksgiving -- thats just spitting on the graves, isnt it?
#joke #short #thanksgiving
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 25 November 2010
  • Currently 4.55/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (31)

Knock-knock...

Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Dishes.
Dishes who?
Dishes the police! Come out with your hands up!
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 25 November 2012
  • Currently 5.09/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (22)

Lost credit card

A man says to his friend: "My wife's credit card got stolen last week."

"That's a shame," says the friend: "have you told the police?"

"No way," says the man: "the thief is spending less than she did!"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 25 November 2013
  • Currently 5.35/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (17)

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