Jokes of the day for Sunday, 30 November 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 30 November 2014
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That look on your face when you realize it's a FRIDAY!

That look on your face when you realize it's a FRIDAY!
#joke #short #friday
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
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Smart puppy

A guy went to the cinema one day and noticed an old man with a dog in the front row. It was a sad, funny kind of film and the guy noticed that during the sad parts the dog cried his eyes out, and during the funny parts, the dog laughed its head off.

This happened throughout the film. After the film ended, the guy decided to go and speak to the old man.

"That's the most amazing thing I've seen," he said. "That dog really seemed to enjoy the film."

The old man turned to him and said: "Yeah, it is amazing. He hated the book."

#joke
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

Funny video of the day - A FailArmy Ode To Stairs

A FailArmy Ode To Stairs - Here at FailArmy we love stairs. We love them so much we dedicated a compilation to them. Enjoy the best, most brutal and funniest stair fails on the internet, in our first annual FailArmy Ode to Stairs - link to page video is posted initially.
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The Curse

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 50 years.

The wizard says, “Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the course on you.”

The old man says without hesitation, “I now pronounce you man and wife.”

#joke
Joke | Source: Florida Dude - Welcome To The Beach - new jokes every day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Resolving to surprise her husb...

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office.
When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.
Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
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Funny Photo of the day - Error 404

Error 404 - Fish Not Found | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
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Game Show....

Our parents got divorced when we were kids and it was kind of cool. We got to go to divorce court with them. It was like a game show. My mom won the house and car. We're all excited. My dad got some luggage.

-- Tom Arnold

#joke #short
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Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

 The Baseball Demands


Top Baseball Player Demands
From Late Show with David Letterman; Friday, August 12, 1994
In case anyone has od'ed on O.J. Simpson coverage or for those who might for some reason not know, the major league baseball player strike began today.]
No team flights on Continental Airlines.
Goodbye boring baseball hats, hello festive sombreros.
Make it legal to cork their pants.
Baseballs with delicious chocolate centers.
No more reports from that old guy up at Woodstock. [In reference to the live reports tonight from Calvert]
Two words: Streisand tickets.
Every team has to have at least one player named "Mookie".
Plenty of dugout Slimfast.
Put an on-deck circle in Madonna's bed.
More games against the Mets.

#joke #friday
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
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Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Which is a winning combination of digits?

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Warning: Pun Ahead

Some friars needed to raise more money for books for the school, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds.
Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good brothers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him.So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that "Only Hugh can prevent florist friars."
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
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Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Vampires

There were these two vampires talking. One says to the other, "I heard on TV that wine is good for the health." The other one said, "Well, let's go to Italy, then. The Italians drink lots of wine."

So they go to Italy, stand on the bridge and wait. A woman walks by, the vampires kill her, drink her blood and throw the body over the bridge.

A few minutes later, a man walks by. They kill him, drink his blood and throw his body over the bridge.

Then another man comes along, and they kill him too.

Just as they were about to throw the body over the bridge, they hear a voice singing.

The two vampires look down to see an alligator under the bridge, singing, "Drained wops keep falling on my head..."

#joke
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Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Q: What do computers eat for a

Q: What do computers eat for a snack?
A: Microchips!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
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Pregnant Tree

How does a tree get pregnant?
By a woodpecker!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
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Rating: 8.5/10 (33)

“I planned to find my

“I planned to find my watch today, but I didn't have the time.”

#joke #short
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Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

A couple was making their firs...

A couple was making their first doctors visit prior to the birth of their first child. After the exam, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife’s stomach with indelible ink. The man and his wife were curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home, the man took out his magnifying glass to try to see what is was. In very small letters, the stamp said, “When you can read this, come back and see me.”
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 April 2010
  • Currently 7.80/10

Rating: 7.8/10 (5)

A man was walking down the bea...

A man was walking down the beach when he noticed a cave. He walked in and looked around only to discover a magic lamp buried in the sand.

He rubbed it and a genie came out and said, " You may have 3 wishes but whatever u wish for all the lawyers in the world will get double." The man agreed and said, " i want a million dollers." He got that and the lawyers got 2 million.

Next he said, " i want a ferrari." So he got one and all the lawyers got 2. Next, being his last wish, he took a minute and thought about it carefully.

Finnally he said," Well i've allways wanted to give a kidney."

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 30 November 2009
  • Currently 5.42/10

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Hypothetically Speaking

A little boy goes up to his father and asks: "Dad, what's the difference between hypothetical and reality?"

The father replies: "Well son, I could give you the book definitions, but I feel it could be best to show you by example. Go upstairs and ask your mother if she'd have sex with the mailman for $500,000."

The boy goes and asks his mother: "Mom, would you have sex with the mailman for $500,000?" The mother replies: "Hell yes I would!"

The little boy returns to his father: "Dad, she said 'Hell yes I would!'"

The father then says: "Okay, now go and ask your older sister if she'd have sex with her principal for $500,000."

The boy asks his sister: "Would you have sex with your principal for $500,000?" The sister replies: "Hell yes I would!"

He returns to his father: "Dad, she said 'Hell yes I would!'"

The father answers: "Okay son, here's the deal: Hypothetically, we're millionaires, but in reality, we're just living with a couple of whores."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 30 November 2011
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The grass is always greener on...

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 30 November 2011
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Tom Papa: Friends Over 30

Ask anybody over 30 -- if they tell you they have more than 10 friends, you know theyre counting co-workers.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 30 November 2011
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Business one-liners 46

The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.

The workbench is always untidier than last time.

The worse your line is tangled, the better is the fishing around you.

The yoo-hoo you you-hew into the forest is the yoo-hoo you get back.

There are no rules around here. We're trying to accomplish something. - Thomas Edison, remarking about his laboratory

There are no winners in life...only survivors.

There are only two forces that unite men, fear and self-interest...Napoleon

There are three ways to get things done: do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or forbid your kids to do it.

There are two kinds of people who don't say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.

There are two rules for success in life: Rule 1 - Don't tell people everything you know.

There is nothing so small that it can't be blown out of proportion.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 30 November 2010
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