Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 06 January 2015

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 06 January 2015
  • Currently 9.50/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (175)

“If you can't differ

“If you can't differentiate a blue collar and white collar worker by his hands, it is callous indifference.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

A man walks pass a beggar on t...

A man walks pass a beggar on the corner of the street where he works. The beggar holds out his one hand and the man drops a coin into his hand.
One day the man walks pass the beggar again and notices the beggar is holding hold out both his hands. He asks, "Why are you holding out both of your hands?"
The beggar replied, "You see sir, business is going so well I decided to open another branch."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

Funny video of the day - BEST of RUSSIA 2014

BEST of RUSSIA 2014 - Crazy 20 mins Compilation - Russian FAILS, Girls, Bears - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Raffle prizes...

Bubba & Earl were in the local bar enjoying a beer when the decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle. They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop.

The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize. Earl won 1st prize, a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra-long spaghetti. Bubba won 6th prize, a toilet brush.

About a week or so had passed when the men met back in the neighborhood bar for a couple of beers. Bubba asked Earl how he liked his prize, to which Earl replied, "Great, I love spaghetti! How about you, how's that toilet brush?"

"Not so good," replied Bubba, "I reckon I'm gonna go back to paper."

#joke #beer
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

 Get Me An Ambulence Now


A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help.
Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance!
Operator: Okay, sir, you're an ambulance!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

Funny Photo of the day - A baby bed inspired by the film "Jaws"

A baby bed inspired by the film "Jaws" | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

Top 10 Reasons to Celebrate Easter

10. You absolutely love the movie, "The Ten Commandments."
9. You look really, really good in yellow.
8. You just went on a low cholesterol diet and didn't want to waste all those eggs in the fridge.
7. You figure any Holiday that starts with a "Good Friday" can't be all bad.
6. You love to bite the heads off chocolate bunnies.
5. It's a good time to check out your neighborhood church and not be noticed.
4. You have this bunny suit you love to wear, but are too insecure to wear it without a reason.
3. Even though you don't know what it is, you really like the sound of going to a "Passion Play."
2. You figured since Jesus went to all THAT trouble to make it to the first Easter, you'd give it a shot.
1. As a Christian you celebrate the resurrection every other day, why not Easter too?
From EasterHumor.com
#joke #friday
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

An engineer dies and reports t

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer — you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is becoming a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake — he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
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Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Replace asterisk symbols with ...

Replace asterisk symbols with a letters (*** **SE) and guess the name of musician. Length of words in solution: 3,4.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

A psychotherapist was enjoying

A psychotherapist was enjoying a growing practice since he graduatedcollege. So much so that he could now afford to have a proper signadvertising his services. So he told a kid to paint a signboard forhim & put it above his clinic entrance.
Instead of his business building up, it declined steeply. He hadespecially noticed the ladies shying away from his clinic afterreading the sign. So he decided to check it out for himself.One look and he understood why. The boy only found a small woodenboard to paint the sign on and he had split the word psychotherapistinto the 3 words. His new sign read:
Psycho-
the-
rapist
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Computer Freezes

What does a blonde do when her computer freezes?

She sticks it in the microwave!

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

There are five cows on a farm,

There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds" Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Duh huh guh nuh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock."
#joke
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
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Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

I told my fiance that we should get married on a nude beach.

I told my fiance that we should get married on a nude beach.

That way we can really see who the best man is.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Reddit Jokes: Get Your Funny On! - The funniest sub on reddit. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts!
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

Turn-down service in posh hotels

Posh hotels have a turn-down service. I had never heard of this and there was a knock at the door and a woman said, I've come to turn down your bed. To which I said, Well many women have in the past. Why should you be any different?

Michael McIntyre (December 21 1976-)

Picture: Andrew Crowley

#joke #december
Joke | Source: Hand picked jokes - Daily Jokes hand picked from various locations
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Half drunk

A man comes home from a night of drinking. As he falls through the doorway, his wife snaps at him: "What's the big idea coming home half drunk?"
The man replies: "I'm sorry, honey. I ran out of money."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Pregnant Tree

How does a tree get pregnant?
By a woodpecker!

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 29 November 2014
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Rating: 8.4/10 (25)

10 Things Men Know About Women

10 Things Men Know About Women

1.)
2.)
3.)
4.)
5.)
6.)
7.)
8.)
9.)
10.) They have breasts.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 06 January 2010
  • Currently 4.94/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (52)

Ten Thoughts to Ponder...

Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky.....not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

Number 2
In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT...

America knows exactly where one cow with mad-cow disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America, but they haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe the USA should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 06 January 2011
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Rating: 5.5/10 (35)

Chuck Norris eats the core of ...

Chuck Norris eats the core of an apple first.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 06 January 2012
  • Currently 3.48/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (25)

Business one-liners 24

Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average.

Enough research will tend to support your theory.

Entropy has us outnumbered.

Error is often more earnest than truth.

Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.

Even if the grass is greener on the other side: they, like you, still have to cut it.

Even paranoids have enemies.

Every silver lining has a cloud around it.

Every solution breeds new problems.

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 06 January 2010
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