Jokes of the day for Sunday, 18 January 2015

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 18 January 2015
  • Currently 9.61/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (80)

The Art Gallery

A woman visited a modern-art gallery. One painting was bright blue with vivid orange swirls and the one hanging next to it was black with lime-green splotches.

The artist stood nearby, so as politely as she could, the woman said to him, "I'm sorry, but I just don't understand you paintings."

"I paint what I feel inside me," the artist replied.

"I see," the woman replied innocently. "Have you tried Alka-Seltzer?"
#joke
Joke | Source: Florida Dude - Welcome To The Beach - new jokes every day
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

This morning as I was buttonin...

This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off.
After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off.
Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off.
I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand.
Now I'm afraid to pee.
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.36/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (14)

Funny video of the day - Saudi Ghost Riding taken to a whole new Level

Saudi Ghost Riding taken to a whole new Level - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Sex and athletics....

It has been determined that having sex before participating in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair the athlete's abilities.

In fact, men have known and displayed this for centuries. After sex, they glance at their watches and say, "Oops, gotta run!"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

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 Strange Headline News


The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
A bird dropped a snake over a California power station, short-circuiting a line and causing a two-hour blackout.


A Creighton University (Nebraska) Law School senior, told she wouldn't graduate because of a failing grade on a final exam, sued her professor, claiming he flunked her because she is "politically incorrect."


Biloxi, Mississippi, jurors acquitted a woman of drug charges, then passed the hat to collect $55 to pay her bus fare home to Texas.


A man allegedly held up 18 New York businesses after casing the places while filling out job or rental applications. The spree ended after he accidentally signed his real name on one of the forms, police said.


Harlan County, Nebraska, Assessor Floyd Schippert was unopposed in the Democratic primary, and just to be sure, he entered -- and won -- the Republican primary also.


Willie Turner wasn't running for the Dendron, Virginia, Town Council. He didn't even vote. But he won with five write-in votes.


A Hollywood, California man is accused of renting cars, selling them, then stealing them back for return to the rental companies.


Corpus Christi, Texas, police said it was a hit-and-gallop accident: A man crashed his truck into the back of a car, then fled on the horse he was pulling in the trailer.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Funny Photo of the day - Snowman ready to rodeo

Snowman ready to rodeo | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

Puns are great. They are absol

Puns are great. They are absolutely phonemenal.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Q. What game encourages drinki

Q. What game encourages drinking and driving?
A. Golf
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Find number abc

If 6c5b6 + c3a6c = a62b45 find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Sally was driving home from on

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a word or two of thanks, she got in the car.
After resuming the journey and a bit of small talk, the Navajo woman noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally. "What's in the bag?" asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. Got it for my husband."
The Navajo woman was silent for a moment, and then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder said, "Good trade."
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Anniversary Flowers

A sad-faced Doug walked into a flower shop early one morning.

The clerk was ready to take his order for a funeral piece, based on the look on Doug's face, but soon realized his assumption was wrong as Doug asked for a basket of flowers sent to his wife for their anniversary.

"And what day will that be?" the clerk asked.

Glumly he replied, "Yesterday".

#joke
Joke | Source: The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Yo mama's armpit is so hairy

Yo mama's armpit is so hairy it looks like she has Bigfoot in a headlock.
#joke #short #yomama
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Love with a beautiful blonde

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm so indebted to her for.

WC Fields (1880-1946)

Picture: Perseus Book Group

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Hand picked jokes - Daily Jokes hand picked from various locations
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

Engineers & Light Bulbs

Q: How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: You need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

“How did Mister Nucle

“How did Mister Nucleus escape from prison? Through the cell wall.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Husband for sale

A store where a woman may go to choose a husband has opened in Auckland.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

“You may visit this store only once! There are six floors, and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building.”

So a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor, the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 -- These Men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: Floor 2 --These Men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

“That's nice,” she thinks. “But I want more.”

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 -- These Men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are Extremely Good Looking.

“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 -- These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, Are Drop-Dead Good Looking and Help with Housework.

“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims. “I can hardly stand it!”

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 -- These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, Are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: Floor 6 -- You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor.

There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

#joke
Joke | Source: Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 8.14/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (22)

Interpreting the Commandments

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'honor thy father and thy mother' she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shalt not kill."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 18 November 2014
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Pete Holmes: Privacy Is Uncool

I think the government made Facebook in an attempt to make privacy uncool. Think about that. I think thats true cause they dont have to tap our phones or survey us when we just yield to them everything, just on our own free will. Home address? Its a little weird, OK. Phone number? Call me. Photos? Photos of everyone I know? Here, let me tag those for you.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 18 January 2011
  • Currently 5.96/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (23)

Snooker Man

y did the snookerman go to the toilet, to pot brown!
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 18 January 2010
  • Currently 2.85/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (20)

After dating a young lady for ...

After dating a young lady for some time a young man decides it is time to marry her.
He proceeds with all the necessary plans and finally the day comes.
On the day of the wedding the young man has yet to pay the pastor for performing the ceremony. However the pastor has a plan.
The service proceeds as planned the vows are exchanged etc. Now it is time for the groom to kiss his bride. The pastor sees this as the perfect opportunity to ask to be paid. He pulls the young man aside and asks him. Can you please pay me?
Not wanting to create a seen the young man asked. How much do I owe you?
The pastor thinks quickly and replies, pay me according to your wife's beauty.
The young man discretely pulled out five dollars and gave it to the pastor.
Although annoyed by this, the pastor continues the ceremony and says; you may now kiss the bride. At this point the veil is lifted from the brides face to allow the groom to kiss her. As the groom is about to kiss his new bride the pastor interrupts and promptly hand the groom four dollars and fifty cents.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 18 January 2011
  • Currently 7.47/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (15)

Intelligent Preference

Q: Why do men prefer intelligent women?
A: Opposites attract.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 18 January 2010
  • Currently 4.73/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (15)

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