“A South American ele
“A South American element in 'The Princess Bride'? Incan-ceivable!”
Emma: "So I went to see this aEmma: "So I went to see this acupuncturist."
Lucy: "Really? What for?"
Emma: "To help with my craving for cakes."
Lucy: "Did it work?"
Emma: "Absolutely -- she stuck needles in the cakes so I couldn't eat them."
Funny video of the day - Truck with no reverse? No problem.
What happend here???
A guy comes home in the middle of the day, finds his wife standing in the middle of their deluxe apartment wearing a red G-string, high heels, and the whole apartment is flooded.
"What happened here?" he asks.
"I think the waterbed busted," says the trembling wife.
Just then a guy floats by.
"Who's that?" demands the husband.
"I dunno. Must be a lifeguard."
Knock Knock Collection 202
Zizi when you know how!
Zone shadow scares him!
Zookeeper away from me!
Q: What do you call cheese thQ: What do you call cheese that's not yours?
A: Nacho cheese!
Mama so stupid!
Your Mama is so stupid, she sits on the Television and watches the sofa.
You blow me away, but you ne...
E.T.'s Eyes Wide Shut
Q: Why are E.T.'s eyes so big?
A: He saw the phone bill.
Q: Why does Humpty Dumpty loveQ: Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?
A: Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
Got used to sharing everything
An old man ordered one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. He then unwrapped the burger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.
As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them kept looking over and whispering. You could tell they were thinking: "That poor old couple -- all they can afford is one meal for the two of them."
As the man began to eat his fries, a young man came to the table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said they were just fine -- they were used to sharing everything.
The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time, the old woman said: "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything."
As the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady, who had yet to eat a single bite of food, and asked: "What is it you are waiting for?"
She answered: "The teeth."
For a computer programming claFor a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone,and our computers were facing away from each other. A few minutes intothe class, she got up to leave the room. I reached between ourcomputers and switched the inputs for the keyboards. She came back andstarted typing and immediately got a distressed look on her face. Shecalled the teacher over and explained that no matter what she typed,nothing would happen.
The teacher tried everything. By this time I was hiding behind mymonitor and quaking red-faced. I started to type, "Leave me alone!"
They both jumped back, silenced. "Whaa??" the teacher blubbered.
Then I typed, "I said leave me alone!"
The kid got really upset. "Ididn't do anything to it, I swear!" It was all I could do to keepfrom laughing out loud. The conversation between them and HAL 2000went on for an amazing five minutes.
Me: "Don't touch me!"
Her: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit your keys that hard."
Me: "Who do you think you are anyway?!" Etc.
Finally, I couldn't contain myself any longer and fell out of mychair laughing. After they had realised what I had done, they bothturned beet red. Funny, I never got more than a C- in that class.
A woman goes into a sporting g...A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle.
"It`s for my husband," she tells the clerk.
"Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk.
"Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn`t even know that I`m going to shoot him!"
Knock Knock Collection 143
Othello you thalked to me!
Otis a sin to tell a lie!
Ottawa know you're telling the truth?
Owen you open this door, I'm going to give you such a roasting!