Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 18 February 2015

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 18 February 2015
  • Currently 9.48/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (99)

The Job

A guy goes into the US postal service to apply for a job.....

The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."

"Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?"

"Yes," he says, "I was in Afghanistan for one tour."

The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Disabled in your country's service! Well that qualifies for extra bonus points. Okay. Looking at the regulations you have got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."

The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"

"This is a government job", the interviewer says. "For the first two hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.
#joke
Joke | Source: Florida Dude - Welcome To The Beach - new jokes every day
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

“The Hungarian invent

“The Hungarian inventor bought a baby bear. It became known as Rubik's cub.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Funny video of the day - Poor Cameraman | The Best POV and Camera Fails

Poor Cameraman | The Best POV and Camera Fails - The tables have turned and nobody is safe. Usually the people behind the camera get to laugh at the misfortune of others but not this time... Watch some of our favorite Poor Camera Guy fails and the next time you record your friends making bad decisions, watch out! - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Little Harold was practicing t

Little Harold was practicing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Harold's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly.
The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could.
Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, "For pity's sake, can't you play something the dog doesn't know?"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Sunday prayer...

Have you heard about 4-year-old Sammy who was asked to return thanks before Sunday dinner? The family members bowed their heads in expectation, and he began his prayer:

"Thank you God for all my friends: Joey, an' Susan, an' Billy, an' Tommy," and on and on he went, naming each friend one by one.

Next he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles.

Finally he got to the food.

"Thank you God for the turkey, an' the dressing, an' the fruit salad, an' the pies, an' the Cool Whip..."

And then he paused.

The pause was almost deafening, and all eyes were focused on young Sammy with his head still bowed in prayer.

Finally (almost when Father was about to interject an "Amen"), Sammy looked up at his mother and asked, "If I thank God for the broccoli, won't he know that I'm lying?"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

Funny Photo of the day - Frog jockey

Frog jockey | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

 What Day Is That Day?


My four year old and I were discussing holidays, and I asked him, "What is the day which comes after Halloween when you have turkey?"
My husband quickly answered, "Election day."


The American myth is that every boy can grow up to be President.
The Bush reality now is that the boy doesn't have to grow up?!

#joke #halloween
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Kids' Bible Jokes

Q. Why should we be encouraged by the story of Jonah and the whale?
A. Because Jonah was down in the mouth, but came out all right.
Q. When was the first meat mentioned in the Bible?
A. When Noah took Ham into the ark.
Q. On the Ark, Noah probably got milk from the cows. What did he get from the ducks?
A. Quackers.
Q. Why did Noah have to punish and discipline the chickens on the Ark?
A. Because they were using "fowl" language.
Q: How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman?
A: By his net income.
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

CINEMANIA: Guess the movie title

See negative of movie scene and guess the title. Length of words in solution: 7
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Pathologists always get the Pathologists always get the coroner office.
#joke #short

Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Do you know how to catch a squ

Do you know how to catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

They met at the singles club m

They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over timethat they enjoyed each other's company.
After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude out fordinner and, much to his delight, she accepted. Theyhad a lovely evening. They dined at the most romantic restaurantin town.
Despite his age, they ended at his place for an after-dinner drink.Things continued along a natural course and age being no inhibitor,Maude soon joined Claude for a most enjoyable roll in the hay.As they were basking in the glow of the magic moments they'd shared,each was lost for a time in their own thoughts.....
Claude was thinking: "If I'd known she was a virgin, I'd have beengentler."
Maude was thinking: "If I'd known he could still do it, I'd have takenoff my pantyhose.
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Santa's Army

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands.

He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.

Pastor said, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

My friend said, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."

Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"

He whispered back, "I'm in the Secret Service."

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by BreeBrown

#joke #christmas
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

A New Set of Golf Clubs

Bob: "I just got a new set of golf clubs for my wife."

Jim: "Great trade!"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

How do you confuse a blonde? P

How do you confuse a blonde? Put her in a circle and tell her to go to the corner.
#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Slept with

An old couple were talking. The wife asked her husband, "How many women have you slept with?"

"Only you, Darling,” the man replied proudly. “With all the others I was awake."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 8.89/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (45)

Lost Rooster

The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens he kept in the hen house out the back of the parish manse. He had a cock rooster and about ten hens.
One Saturday night the cock rooster went missing and as that was the time he suspected cock fights occurred in the village he decided to do something about it at church the next morning.
At Mass, he asked the congregation "Has anybody got a cock?" - all the men stood up.
"No No" he said "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?" - all the women stood up.
"No No" he said "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them." - half the women stood up.

"No No" he said "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen my cock?" - all the nuns stood up.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 18 February 2013
  • Currently 7.79/10

Rating: 7.8/10 (29)

A man walking down the street ...

A man walking down the street noticed a small boy trying to reach the doorbell of a house. Even when he jumped up, he couldn't quite reach it.The man decided to help the boy, walked up on to the porch and pushed the doorbell. He looked down at the boy, smiled and asked, "What now?"
The boy answered, "Now we run like crazy!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 18 February 2011
  • Currently 6.14/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (21)

Brian Regan: One Eye Set Higher

My eye doctor told me this, Im not making this up. He goes, You know you have one eye set a little bit higher than your other eye? No, I didnt know that. He goes, Its no big deal; it doesnt affect your vision or anything. I just thought you might want to be self-conscious for the rest of your life.
#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 18 February 2012
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (20)

The Last One's Law Of Program ...

The Last One's Law Of Program Generators: A program generator creates programs that are more "buggy" than the program generator.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 18 February 2009
  • Currently 4.81/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (16)

What does a blonde have in common with a noodle?

Q: What does a blonde have in common with a noodle?

A: They both wiggle when you eat them.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 18 February 2014
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (15)

PREVIOUS DAY
NEXT DAY
Follow jokes of the day on social networks
NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.

Jokes Archive