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Jokes of the day for Friday, 27 March 2015

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 27 March 2015
  • Currently 9.52/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (199)

A Confident Genius

A proud and confident genius makes a bet with an idiot.

The genius says, "Hey idiot, every question I ask you that you don't know the answer, you have to give me $5. And if you ask me a question and I can't answer yours I will give you $5,000."

The idiot says, "Okay."

The genius then asks, "How many continents are there in the world?" The idiot doesn't know and hands over the $5.

The idiot says, "Now me ask: what animal stands with two legs but sleeps with three?"

The genius tries and searches very hard for the answer but gives up and hands over the $5,000.

The genius says, "Dang it, I lost. By the way, what was the answer to your question?"

The idiot hands over $5.
#joke
Joke | Source: Florida Dude - Welcome To The Beach - new jokes every day
  • Currently 8.89/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (53)

It was Schneider's birthday,

It was Schneider's birthday, and that morning there was a knock on the door.
"Telegram!"
He opened the door excitedly, "Is it a singing telegram?" Schneider asked the messenger boy.
"No Sir. We don't do singing telegrams anymore."
"I've always wanted a singing telegram. Can't you bend the rules and make an old man happy?"
"Sorry."
"Please," begged Schneider. "Today's my birthday."
"Oh, all right," said the boy,
"Dah-dah dee... dee-dee-dah, your sister Ruth is dead!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

Funny video of the day - 2600 MILES IN 4 MINUTES From Mexico to Canada

2600 MILES IN 4 MINUTES From Mexico to Canada - Time-lapse of my Pacific Crest Trail hike (In the Journey by Martin Sexton) - From Mexico to Canada - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

April Fool's Day - Rig a ketchup bottle...

Rig a ketchup bottle to squirt string instead of ketchup.
Hot dogs are ready, kids. Tee-hee!
#joke #short #aprilfoolsday
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

“The Hobbit was found

“The Hobbit was found at short notice.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Funny Photo of the day - No sleep mask on flight? No problem!

No sleep mask on flight? No problem! - Don't even need to close airplane window | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

Curious George

One day the zookeeper noticed that the monkey was reading two books--the Bible and Darwin's "The Origin of Species."
In surprise, he asked the monkey, "Why are you reading both those books?"
"Well," said the monkey, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Cannibal jokes are face eatiou

Cannibal jokes are face eatious.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

FLEX WORDLE

FLEX WORDLE Guess the WORDLE in 3 tries. After each guess, the color of the tiles will change to show how close your guess was to the solution.
Source: Genius Brain Teasers - Jokes Of The Day Partner

Little Johnny comes downstairs

Little Johnny comes downstairs crying. His mother asked, “What’s the matter now?”
“Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with hammer,” said little Johnny through his tears. “That’s not so serious,” soothed his mother. “I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like that. Why didn’t you just laugh?
“I did!” sobbed Johnny.
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Harlow was fixing a door and h

Harlow was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so hesent his wife Mary to the hardware store. At the hardware store, Mary saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Carl, the manager, to finish waiting on a customer.
When Carl was finished, Mary asked how much for the teapot.
Carl replied, "That's silver and it costs $100!"
"My goodness, that sure is a lottamoney!" Mary exclaimed. Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Harlow had sent her to buy,and Carl went to the back room to find it.
From the back room Carl yelled, "Mary, you wanna screw for that hinge?"
Mary replied, "No, but I will for the teapot."
This is why you can't send a woman to a hardware store.
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

New secretary

A guy walked into his friend's office, he found him sitting at his desk, looking very depressed.

"Hey, what's up with you?", he asks.

"Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She's hired a new secretary for me."

"Well, nothing wrong in that. Is she blonde or brunette?"

"Neither, He's bald."

#joke #blonde
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (20)

 Answering Machine Message 180


(Loud music, John shouting:) HI, THIS IS JOHN, LET ME TURN DOWN THE MUSIC. (Loud footsteps, music turned down, a door slams.) Hi, this is the answering machine at John's home, he just rushed out the door, so please leave a message at the beep...

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Why are blonde jokes so short?

Q: Why are blonde jokes so short?

A: So brunettes can remember them!

#joke #short #blonde
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

First Day of School

Q: What did the dad buffalo say to his son on the first day of school?

A: Bison

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

A girl realized that she had g

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly said, "That part where the hair has grown is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair." The girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister, "My monkey has grown hair." Her sister smiled and said, "That’s nothing; mine is already eating bananas."
#joke
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Blind Skydivers

Why don't blind people skydive more often?

It scares the shit out of their dogs.

How does a blind skydiver know the ground is near?

The leash goes slack

#joke #short
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

Jessi Klein: Sexy Librarian

I have brown hair and I wear these glasses, and I usually have my hair up in a bun, so the other thing guys have often said to me is, Youre like a sexy librarian. Youre like a sexy librarian type. Youre a sexy librarian. And Im like, Ive always thought of myself as more of a bookish whore. Sort of, you know, less of a nerd, more of a slut.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 27 March 2011
  • Currently 3.88/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (56)

TWO tigers are walking through...

TWO tigers are walking through the jungle when the one at the back licks the behind of the one in front. The lead tiger turns and says: "Hey, cut it out." The other tiger says sorry and they continue on their way. Five minutes later the rear tiger licks the other's backside again. The front tiger gets angry, but the other tiger just apologises.
After another five minutes, he does it again. The front tiger turns and says: "What is it with you? I told you to stop." The other tiger says: "I really am sorry but I just ate a lawyer and I'm just trying to get the taste out of my mouth."
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 27 March 2010
  • Currently 6.76/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (46)

Never criticize someone unless...

Never criticize someone unless you walk a mile in his or her shoes, and then when you criticize them you'll be a mile away and have their shoes!
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 27 March 2010
  • Currently 6.56/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (39)

The Sklar Brothers: Andrew Dice Clay

Jason Sklar: After Dice performs for an hour its no longer a comedy room. Its a disaster area.
Randy Sklar: I dont want to say it was a disaster area, but FEMA showed up three weeks late.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 27 March 2010
  • Currently 4.72/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (36)

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