Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 22 April 2015

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 22 April 2015
  • Currently 9.34/10

Rating: 9.3/10 (112)

Marriage Reality

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Florida Dude - Welcome To The Beach - new jokes every day
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Guide: "I welcome you all to N

Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20 supersonic planes passing by can't be heard...
Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara Falls?"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

Funny video of the day - Best Russian Fails Compilation 2015

Best Russian Fails Compilation 2015 - This is why we love Russia. Featuring epic dash cam fails, parkour faceplants, and alcohol induced fails, Russians definitely know how to fail. - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

“I applied for a serv

“I applied for a server position. I am still waiting.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Hot Horseradish

A minister who was very fond of pure, hot horseradish always kept a bottle of it on his dining room table. Once, at dinner, he offered some to a guest, who took a big spoonful.The guest let out a huge gasp. When he was finally able to speak, he choked out, "I've heard many ministers preach hellfire, but you are the first one I've met who passes out a sample of it."
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

Funny Photo of the day - Always a scary place to be, even on a calm day

Always a scary place to be, even on a calm day - Pffft that's what, two feet? | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

If you see a cute eye doctor y

If you see a cute eye doctor you should opt to meet her.
#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

A large woman put on a dress a

A large woman put on a dress and asked her husband if the dress made her look different.
Her husband said, " You’re asking the wrong person, I saw you before you put it on.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Calculate the number 3371

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 3371 using numbers [9, 5, 8, 4, 78, 698] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

A man took his wife to the rod...

A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls.
They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,
"This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year."
They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 120 times last year. " The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."
They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's rib, said, "That's once a day.You could REALLY learn something from this one."
The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow."
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (16)

Chicamote handmade accessories
http://www.chicamote.com/

Bottle Of Wine

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.

'What in bag?' asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said, 'Good trade.'

#joke
Joke | Source: http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (8)

 Who Took It?

Q: The tooth fairy, a high-priced lawyer, and a low-priced laywer were in a room. There was a $100 dollar bill lying on a nearby table. Then the lights suddenly went out. When the lights came back on, the bill was gone. Who took it?
A: The high-priced laywer took it, because the other two are only figments of your imagination.
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Bill Gates In Hell

Bill Gates dies and goes to Hell. Satan greets him and says, "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever."

Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of fine wine sitting on a table. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner.

Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option."

"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room.

Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.

"That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all?!?"

"That's what everyone thinks," snickered Satan. "But the bottle has a hole in it!"

"Why the PC?", he continued, ""It's got the latest version of Windows and it's missing three keys!"

"Which three?" said Lucifer.

"Control, Alt and Delete!"

#joke
Joke | Source: The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Most Letters

Q: What two words contain the most letters?

A: Post office.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

A married couple are out one n

A married couple are out one night at a dance club. There’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large: break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? Twenty years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down." The husband says, "Looks like he’s still celebrating!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Birthday Party

A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out..... a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party started, two bums showed up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman told them that she would give them a meal if they will help chop some wood for her out back. Gratefully, they headed to the rear of the house. 

The guests arrived, and all was going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown hadn't shown up. After a half and hour, the clown finally called to report that he was stuck in traffic, and would probably not make the party at all.
The woman was very disappointed and unsuccessfully tried to entertain the children herself. She happened to look out the window and saw one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watched in awe as he swung from tree branches, did mid-air flips, and leaped high in the air.
She spoke to the other bum and said, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvelous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $50!"

The other bum says, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him. 'HEY WILLIE! FOR $50, WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?"            

#joke
Joke | Source: Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

Chuck Norris doesn't bowl stri...

Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 22 April 2011
  • Currently 3.79/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (19)

Blondes working on a house

Two blondes were working on a house. The one

who was nailing down siding would reach into

his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss

it over his shoulder or nail it in. The other,

figuring this was worth looking into, asked,

"Why are you throwing those nails away?"

The first explained, "If I pull a nail out

of my pouch and it's pointed toward me, I throw

it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed

toward the house, then I nail it in!"

The second blonde got completely upset and

yelled, "You moron! The nails pointed toward

you aren't defective! They're for the other side

of the house!"

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 22 April 2013
  • Currently 3.56/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (18)

Demetri Martin: Thought You Were Someone Else

I was walking down the street, and this guy waved to me. Then he came up to me and said, Im sorry, I thought you were someone else. I said, I am.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 22 April 2012
  • Currently 2.59/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (17)

What are you doing this evening?

Rebecca, the curvy blonde secretary, came out from the cabin of her boss. She was shaking with anger, so a colleague asked her what was wrong.

Rebecca said,"The Boss asked me what was I doing this evening."

The colleague asked, "So what did you say?"

Rebecca answered, "I said I was doing nothing. He gave me 50 pages to type!"
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 22 April 2014
  • Currently 6.47/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (15)

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