Jokes of the day for Saturday, 30 May 2015

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 30 May 2015
  • Currently 9.52/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (128)

Last year I replaced several w...

Last year I replaced several windows in my house and they were the expensive double-pane energy efficient kind. But this week I got a call from the contractor complaining that his work has been completed for a whole year and I had yet to pay for them.
Boy oh boy did we go 'round. Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I proceeded to tell him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year. . that in one year the windows would pay for themselves. There was silence on the other end of the line so I just hung up and I haven't heard back. Guess I must have won that silly argument.
#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 8.23/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (13)

A man and a woman had been dat...

A man and a woman had been dating for about a year, and their relationship was getting serious. The man proposed marriage, and she accepted. However, she told him that she wanted him to know that her chest was just like a baby's. He said that he loved her and that her measurements didn't matter to him. He told her that his penis was also like a baby's. She said that she loved him and that size didn't matter.
Come the day of their wedding, all went well. That night, the happy couple checked into the honeymoon suite at a resort hotel. The blushing bride was in the bathroom putting on a sexy nightie. Her husband was in bed waiting. As she entered the bedroom, she reminded him of her confession about her chest being like a baby.
"Don't worry, honey," he said.
She took her nightgown off, and her breasts were the smallest he had ever seen. He said that he was going to get undressed and reminded her of his confession about his penis being like a baby.
As he took his pants off, the new bride said, "Oh my!!! I thought you said your penis was like a baby!"
"It is," he said, "9 pounds and 21 inches long!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

Funny video of the day - Rabbit sex

Rabbit sex - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Goat for Dinner

The young couple invited their aged pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having. "Goat," the little boy replied.

"Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?"

"Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Pa say to Ma, 'Might as well have the old goat for dinner today as any other day.'"
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

A teacher sees a lad entering

A teacher sees a lad entering the classroom – his hands were dirty.
She stopped him and said, “John, please wash your hands. My goodness, what would you say if I came into the room with hands like that?”
Smiling the boy replied, “I think I’d be too polite to mention it.”
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Funny Photo of the day - Cat bathing

Cat bathing | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

What's it for?

Two young boys were closely examining bathroom scales at the department store.

"What's it for?" one asked.

The other replied. "You stand on it and it makes you real mad."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

International Airline


Acronyms for International Airlines
Italy
ALITALIA = Always Late In The Air, Late In Arrival
ALITALIA = Arrived Late In Turin, And Luggage In Australia


Britain
BOAC = Better on a camel


Belgium
SABENA = Such A Bloody Experience Never Again


Pakistan
PIA = Please, Inform Allah


Yugoslavia
JAT = Joke About Time


Pacific Western Airlines
PWA = Pray While Aloft
PWA = Please Wait Awhile Airlines


Trans World Airlines = Teeney Weeny Airlines.
#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Calculate the number 3898

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 3898 using numbers [8, 2, 5, 6, 75, 852] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Honey I'm home

Three words women hate to hear when having sex "Honey, I'm home!"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

One day, a man came home and w...

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in stunningly sexy lingerie. "Tie me up," she purred, "And you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

She did not need much

She did not need much, wanted very little. A kind word, sincerity, fresh air, clean water, a garden, kisses, books to read, sheltering arms, a cosy bed, and to love and be loved in return.
#joke
Joke | Source: Minion Quotes - Despicable Me Minions is a website dedicated to minions. Have a good time reading minion quotes, funny quotes or entertain yourself playing minion games.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

“My best friend and I

“My best friend and I attended culinary school together and then opened our own restaurant. I guess we are taste buds.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

Divorce Court

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?" 

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by." 

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?" 

"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded. 

"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?" 

"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents." 

He said, "Do you have a real grudge?" 

"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one." 

"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?" 

"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes." 

"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?" 

"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do." 

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?" 

"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

Chilling with Eskimos

Q: What do Eskimos get from sitting on a block of ice?

A. Polaroids.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 01 November 2014
  • Currently 7.45/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (11)

I Am Napoleon

Late one night at the insane asylum, one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"
Another patient asked, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "Because God told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 30 May 2009
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (33)

Chuck Norris feels that brass ...

Chuck Norris feels that brass knuckles should be allowed in the fight to cure diabetes.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 30 May 2011
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (32)

my dad

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day.

"My name is Billy. What's yours?"

asked the first boy.

"Tommy," replied the second.

"My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?"

asked Billy. Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."

"Honest?"

asked Billy.

"No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 30 May 2012
  • Currently 6.26/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (27)

Church Every Sunday?

Son: "Dad, did you go to Church when you were little?"

Dad: "Yes son, every single Sunday."

Son: "I thought so. Bet it won't do me any good either."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 30 May 2011
  • Currently 6.42/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (24)

An American and a Japanese wer...

An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA When
the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese are you?"

The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you
mean."
The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?"
Again, the Japanese was confused over he question.
The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you
.... Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......??? "
The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."
A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked What kind Of
'key' was he.
The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of -kee'am
I?!"
The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"
LESSON III: "NEVER INSULT ANYONE"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 30 May 2009
  • Currently 6.33/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (12)

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