Jokes of the day for Saturday, 20 June 2015

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 20 June 2015
  • Currently 9.52/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (130)

Q: How can daughter in law sav

Q: How can daughter in law save her mother-in-law from choking?

A: She will pull out her foot from her mother-in-law's mouth.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Two boy scouts went on a natur

Two boy scouts went on a nature hike in the hills picking hickory nuts.
Along the way, they filled their small pails and then started to fill their pockets and shirts.
When they could hold no more nuts, they started down the country road until they came across a cemetery. The boys decided that would be a good place to stop and rest and divide out the nuts.
The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree and unloaded their pockets and buckets by dumping all of the nuts in a large pile.
In the process, two of them rolled away and rested near the road. The boys then proceeded to divide out the nuts. "One for you. One for me. One for you. One for me."
As they were doing this, another boy was passing by and happened to hear them. He looked into the cemetery, but could not see the boys, because they were obscured by the tree. He hesitated a moment and then ran back to town.
"Father! Father!" he yelled as he entered his house. "The cemetery. Come quick!"
"What's the matter?" his father asked.
"No time to explain," the boy frantically panted. "Follow me!"
The boy and his father ran up the country road and stopped when they reached the cemetery. They stopped at the side of the road and all fell silent for a few moments. Then the father asked his son what was wrong.
"Do you hear that?" he whispered. Both people listened intently and heard the Scouts. "One for me. One for you. One for me. One for you..."
The boy then blurted out, "The devil and the Lord are dividing the souls!"
The father was skeptical but silent -- until a few moments later as the Scouts completed dividing out the nuts and one Scout said to the other, "Now, as soon as we get those two nuts down by the road, we'll have them all."
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Funny video of the day - Ping Pong

Ping Pong - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Bubba and Junior were standing...

Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement, announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.
Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde! We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!"
#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

A few years in the desert...

A judge was punishing three men because they had committed a crime. Their sentence was a few years in the desert. He said that they could each take one thing with them.

The first guy decides to take an umbrella, so that he can have shade whenever he wants.

The second guy decides to take a water bottle so that he won't get thirsty.

Finally, the third guy decides to take a car door.

The judge asked, "Why in the world would you want to take a car door?" The man replies, "Just in case it gets hot, I can roll down the window."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Funny Photo of the day - Zebra Style

Zebra Style | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

 Maryland Crazy Law


  • Thistles may not grow in one's yard.

    Baltimore


  • No person who is a "tramp" or "vagrant" shall loiter in any park at any time. They define tramp as a person who roves for begging purposes and a vagrant as an idle person who is able-bodied living without labor. It's a $50 fine. I guess the tramp would have to beg for the money to pay the fine. -Park Rule 6
  • It's illegal to take a lion to the movies.
  • It's illegal to throw bales of hay from a second-story window within the city limits.
  • It is a violation of city code to sell chicks or ducklings to a minor within 1 week of the Easter holiday.
  • It is a park rule violation to be in a public park with a sleeveless shirt. $10 fine. This would include joggers that go shirtless. (1898)

    Baltimore City


  • You may not curse inside the city limits.
  • Though you may spit on a city roadway, spitting on city sidewalks is prohibited.

    Columbia


  • Though clotheslines are banned, clothes may be draped over a fence.
  • You can not have a antenna exposed outside of your house yet you can have a 25' satellite dish.

    Ocean City


  • Eating while swimming in the ocean is prohibited.
  • A law from the early 1900's prohibits men from going topless on the Boardwalk. (Repealed)

    #joke
  • Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
    • Currently 5.00/10

    Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

    Home yet?

    A middle aged woman sought help from her doctor.

    "All my husband does is complain that I never want to have sex with him," she said. "And he's right too. I have no desire at all."

    The doctor gave her a prescription and told her to return for a visit in two weeks. After the two weeks were up, she bounced smiling into his office.

    "Those pills were great Doc, I'm doin' it twice a night now."

    "That's wonderful," said the doctor, "What does your husband say now?"

    "How should I know?" she replied. "I ain't been home yet."

    #joke #doctor
    Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
    • Currently 6.17/10

    Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

    Find number abc

    If c7ac4 + a4b01 = 1bb0c5 find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
    CHECK ANSWER
    Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

    A tough looking group of hairy...

    A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?" "I'm going to commit suicide," she says. While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also doesn’t want to miss an opportunity, so he asks, "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?" She does, and it is a long, deep, lingering kiss. After she's finished, the tough, hairy biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I’ve ever had! That's a real talent you’re wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?" "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl…"
    #joke
    Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
    • Currently 8.42/10

    Rating: 8.4/10 (26)

    “You know the problem

    “You know the problem with grapes these days. People just aren't raisin them right.”

    #joke #short
    Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
    • Currently 6.50/10

    Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

    Play a Game

    One day little Johnny went to school. His teacher said they were going to play a game. She would place an object behind her and describe it.
    The first person to get it got a piece of candy. First she said, "The object is red and grows on trees."
    A kid raised his hand and said "an apple" the teacher said correct.
    Then she said, "The object is flat and comes in different colors" a different kid raises his hand and said it is a notebook!
    The teacher said correct.
    Then Johnny said, "ooh! ooh! Can I try?"
    The teacher said yes.
    He stood up and put his hand in his pocket. He said "The object is round, hard, and has a head on it."
    The teacher said "JOHNNY! GO TO THE OFFICE!!"
    Johnny said, "No it's a quarter!"  

    #joke
    Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
    • Currently 6.50/10

    Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

    The End Is Near!

    A local priest and a pastor were fishing on the side of the road. They thoughtfully made a sign saying, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" and showed it to each passing car. One driver who drove by didn't appreciate the sign and shouted at them, "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!"
    All of a sudden they heard a big splash, looked at each other, and the priest said to the pastor, "You think maybe we should have just said 'Bridge Out' instead?"
    #joke
    Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
    • Currently 5.00/10

    Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

    One-Legged People

    Q: Where do one-legged people eat?

    A: IHOP.

    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 02 January 2015
    • Currently 6.71/10

    Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

    dumb blondes

    10 blondes and 1 brunette were mountain climbing one day. so they were climbing and they got into trouble at a spot one of them had to give up there life so they could continue on so the brunette said i'll do it so you girls can go on so she jumped to the jagged rocks below (ouch) the dumb blondes felt sorry for the brunette so they jumped of to

    THE END

    #joke #blonde
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 20 June 2011
    • Currently 2.67/10

    Rating: 2.7/10 (39)

    Dan Cummins: Greeting Card Writer

    I dont just write jokes. You know what Im best at? Greeting cards. Im a really good greeting card writer. And Im going to prove it with a little sample of my work Im going to share for you: As each day passes, you grow older, weaker. Ive been working out. Revenge is near. Happy Fathers Day
    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 20 June 2010
    • Currently 4.13/10

    Rating: 4.1/10 (30)

    Zach Galifianakis: Waking Up With an Erection

    Guys, have you ever woken up with an erection, and then you realize youre just in a massage chair in a Brookstone?
    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 20 June 2012
    • Currently 3.54/10

    Rating: 3.5/10 (24)

    News headlines 04

    Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing

    New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

    Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing

    Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire

    Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

    Air Head Fired

    Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

    Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board

    Deer Kill 17,000

    Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni

    War Dims Hope for Peace

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 20 June 2012
    • Currently 3.59/10

    Rating: 3.6/10 (22)

    The Preacher and the Frog Princess

    An old country preacher was fishing one afternoon when he noticed a frog sitting next to him. The frog said, “Mister, I’ve had a spell cast on me. If you’ll kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess and I’ll make you happy for the rest of your life.”
    The old preacher smiled, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. After a while, he looked into his pocket to see how the frog was doing.
    The frog said again, “Mister, I’ve had a spell cast on me. If you’ll kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess and I’ll make you happy for the rest of your life.”
    The preacher just smiled and kept on fishing. When he checked on the frog again, it said, “What’s wrong with you, fella? I said I’ve been bewitched. Just kiss me and I’ll turn back into a beautiful princess and make you the happiest man on earth for the rest of your life!”
    The old preacher just smiled and said, “Frog, I’m sorry to tell you this…but at my age, I’d rather have a talking frog than a beautiful princess!”
    From "The Book of Church Jokes," published by Barbour Publishing, Inc., Uhrichsville, Ohio. Copyright 2009. Used by permission of Barbour Publishing, Inc.

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 20 June 2010
    • Currently 6.61/10

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