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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 29 July 2015

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 29 July 2015

My beautiful family

I always wanted to win the lottery. But when i looked at my beautiful family, i realized i already have.
#joke #short
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

A father and son went fishing...

A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, "How does this boat float?
The father replied, "Don't rightly know son." A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, "How do fish breath underwater?"
Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know son." A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?"
Again, the father replied. "Don't rightly know son." Finally, the boy asked his father, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?"
The father replied, "Of course not, you don't ask questions, you never learn nothin'."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 6.27/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (11)

SLIDESHOW #6 - Funny Photo Slideshow

“Can a Free-Range chi

“Can a Free-Range chicken be cooked on a stove you bought?”

#joke #short
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

Funny video of the day - Slippery When Wet Fails Compilation

Slippery When Wet Fails Compilation - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

The Maine Man

Some friends were on vacation in Maine, and while watching fireworks heard their small son say, "Oh, God!" The father quickly cautioned his son, "Please don't speak the Lord's name in vain." The boy nodded but obviously mis-heard, because he asked quietly, "Is it OK if I speak his name back in Minnesota?"
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

Funny Photo of the day - Incredible ‘Star Wars’ Art Display Featured in Japanese Village’s Rice Paddy Field

Incredible ‘Star Wars’ Art Display Featured in Japanese Village’s Rice Paddy Field - Tambo is a Japanese art form where people create huge pictures by planting various rice types and colors in a rice paddy field. | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

When I tell the barista they g

When I tell the barista they got my order wrong, I get missed-tea eyed.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.86/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (7)

Two verbs, three adjectives, t

Two verbs, three adjectives, three nouns and a conjunction appeared in court. They’re due to be sentenced next week.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

One summer evening during a vi...

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled. "I can't dear," she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
The little boy replied with a shaking voice, "The big sissy."
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 8.22/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (18)

Golfing with ...

Three gentlemen are golfing one sunny day. They come to a difficult par with a water trap just after the tee. The first golfer proceeds to hit his ball right into the water. To retrieve it, he simply approaches the body of water and extends his golf club. The water parts, he takes his next shot and it lands on the green. The second golfer hits his ball towards the water, but rather than sink, the ball floats on top of the water. The golfer nonchalantly walks across the water and hits the ball onto the green.

The third golfer hits his the ball directly into the water, where it quickly starts to sink. As the ball sinks, a fish grabs the ball in its mouth. At that very moment, a hawk plucks the fish out of the water and begins to carry it aloft. As the bird soars higher, a bolt of lightning startles the bird, which then drops the fish into a nearby tree. When the fish hits a branch of the tree, the ball pops out, rolls down the trunk of the tree, across the green and right into the hole...

Moses turns to Jesus and says "You know, I hate golfing with your Father."

#joke
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

 What Should I Do Then?


Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up five more points?
Doctor: Sell!

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (8)

The devil's offer

The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity."

The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.

#joke #lawyer
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

What is green and red and goes...

What is green and red and goes 100 miles an hour?
- A frog in a blender.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

Apples

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.    

#joke
  • Currently 7.09/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (11)

Animal Lives

Q: What has more lives than a cat?
A: A frog -- it croaks every night.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 17 October 2014
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Unheavenly blessed

Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning the Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines!"

"What did you do?" the other nuns asked.

"Well, of course I threw them in the trash."

The second nun said, " Well, I can top that, I was in Father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!"

"Oh my!" gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked.

"I poked holes in all of them," she replied.

The third nun said, "Oh shit!"

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Yisman

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 29 July 2011
  • Currently 6.87/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (60)

Cristela Alonzo: Strippers in Med School

I meet a lot of strippers, and they always say the same thing: Im paying my way through medical school. Now, if thats the truth, why is that you never meet a doctor that used to be a stripper? Youd think theyd be everywhere.
#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 29 July 2012
  • Currently 5.52/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (42)

Nick Swardson: Down side of Magical Friends

One of my best friends is a professional magician. The only downside to having a magical friend is he always invites us on double dates, and thats the worst because Im a nice guy, but hes magic. Theres no way I can compete with that. He shows up, hes so smooth. Girls love him. Hes like, Hows it going? You look so beautiful tonight. Your hair -- is that a coin? Now, its a rose. Now, its money. And its like, I show up -- what am I gonna do? Im like, Hi, I brought you this rose. Now, its broken.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 29 July 2010
  • Currently 3.61/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (41)

Funny Humor About The Irish


This is a true story of the late Irish author Brendan Behan who one night collapsed in a diabetic coma in a Dublin street. It was at a time when he was at the height of his drunken notoriety and passes-by naturally thought he was dead drunk. They took him to the nearby surgery of one of Dublin's most fashionable and respected doctors. The doctor decided to take a cardiograph and, somewhat nervous of his patient, thought to humor him. He explained the workings of the cardiograph needle as it registered the faint heartbeats of the very sick and semiconscious Brendan.
"That needle there is writing down your pulses, Mr. Behan, and I suppose, in its own way, it is probably the most important thing you have ever written."
To which Behan replied: "Aye, and it's straight from me heart, too."
Shamrock
Three old ladies met on the street on a very stormy day. The wind was so strong and loud that they had difficulty in hearing each other.
"It's windy," said one.
"No, it's Thursday," said the next.
"So am I," said the third. "Let's go and have a drink!"

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 29 July 2011
  • Currently 4.58/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (40)

Pipe Organ

A local church built a new sanctuary. They moved their very

fine old pipe organ from to the new sanctuary. It was an

intricate task that was completed successfully.

The local news heralded . . . "St. Paul Completes Organ

Transplant."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 29 July 2012
  • Currently 4.42/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (33)

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