Jokes of the day for Thursday, 15 October 2015
|Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 15 October 2015|
A little girl asked her fatherA little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with Once Upon A Time?"
He replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If elected I promise...'"
I'm going to make l...
“I'm going to make like a turtle and get the shell out of here!”
Funny video of the day - Funniest Football Fails Compilation
A cocky State Highways employe...A cocky State Highways employee stopped at a farm and talked with an old farmer. He told the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm for a possible new road."
The old farmer said, "OK, but don't go in that field." The Highways employee said, "I have the authority of the State Government to go where I want. See this card? I am allowed to go wherever I wish on farm land."
So the old farmer went about his farm chores.
Later, he heard loud screams and saw the State Highways employee running for the fence and close behind was the farmer's prize bull. The bull was madder than a nest full of hornets and the bull was gaining on the employee at every step!!
The old farmer called out, "Show him your card!!"
A fifteen year-old boy came hoA fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began toscream, "Where did you get that car???!!!" He calmly told them, "I boughtit today."
"With what money?" demanded his parents. "We know what a Porsche costs."
"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars."
So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like thatfor fifteen dollars?" they said.
"It was the lady up the street," said the boy." I don't know her name--theyjust moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted tobuy a Porsche for fifteen dollars."
"Oh No," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what shewill do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on."
So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady livedand found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias! He introducedhimself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for fifteendollars and demanded to know why she did it.
"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. Ithought he was on a business trip, but it seems he has run off to Hawaiiwith his secretary and doesn't intend to come back. He asked me to sell hisnew Porsche and send him the money. So I did."
FaithTwo nuns were driving down a country road when they ran out of gas. They walked to a farmhouse and a farmer gave them some gasoline; but the only container he had was an old bedpan. The nuns were happy to take whatever they were offered and returned to their car. As they were pouring the gasoline from the bedpan into the tank of their car, a minister drove by. He stopped, rolled down his window and said, "Excuse me, sisters. I'm not of your religion, but I couldn't help admiring your faith....!"
Hunting With A WifeA hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. Ibn the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "when did you bag him?"
The host said, "that was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife."
"What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter.
Find the right combination
The Shortest Books Ever Written.
1000 Years of German Humor
Everything Men Know About Women
The Code of Ethics for Lawyers
Italian War Heroes
Who's who in Puerto Rico
Americans' Guide to Etiquette
Royal Family's Guide to Good Marriages
Safe Places to Travel in the USA
Jerry Garcia's Guide to Beating Drug Addiction
Contraception by Pope John Paul II
Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts Majors
Cooking Gourmet Dishes With Tofu
Gun Control for The New Millenium: NRA Handbook
I was wondering why the ball k...I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger, and then it hit me.
Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.
The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking: "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?"
Tom says: "I would switch one train to another track."
"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector.
"Then I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there", answers Tom.
"What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector.
"Then," Tom continued, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box."
"What if the phone was busy?"
"In that case," Tom argued, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station".
"What if that had been vandalized?"
"Oh well," said Tom, "in that case I would run into town and get my Uncle Leo".
This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, "Why would you do that?"
"Because he's never seen a train crash."
Q&A: Noah, NoahQ: The ark's top-story windows opened to the sky for light and air. How did Noah get light to the dark recesses of the ark?
A: He used floodlights.
Q: Who was the wealthiest male financier in the Bible?
A: Noah. He was floating his stock while everybody else was in liquidation.
This joke was reprinted from "Laugh Yourself Healthy" by Charles and Frances Hunter, with permission of Strang Communications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.
Name platesThree young women were hired by an insurance company on the same day.
A year later the boss said each of them was due for a promotion, and that each woman would get her own office with her name on the door.
One day one of the women came in and found to her surprise that the other women had already moved into their own offices.
Going to her boss's office, she asked when her own office would be provided.
He pulled back his chair from his desk and unzipped his fly. "See this?" he asked, "This is quality, and in this company, quality goes in before the name goes on."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
Doing 3 knots!An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and goes down to the docks for old times sake.
He hires a prostitute, takes her up to a room and goes at it as best as he can for a guy his age.
After a couple of minutes he asks, "How am I doing?"
The prostitute replies, "Well sailor, you're doing about three knots."
"Three knots?" He asks. "What's that supposed to mean?"
She says, "You're knot hard, you're knot in and you're knot getting your money back."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis