Jokes of the day for Monday, 07 December 2015

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 07 December 2015
  • Currently 9.58/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (1304)

I love straight forward people

I love straight forward people.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Minion Quotes - Despicable Me Minions is a website dedicated to minions. Have a good time reading minion quotes, funny quotes or entertain yourself playing minion games.
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

“Lamp factories have

“Lamp factories have light workloads.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

An eminent psychologist was ca

An eminent psychologist was called to testify in court. A severe no nonsense professional, she sat down in the witness chair unaware that it's rear legs were set precariously on the back of the raised platform.
"Will you state your name?" asked the district attorney.
Tilting back in her chair she opened her mouth to answer, but instead catapulted head-over-heels backward and landed in a stack of exhibits and recording equipment.
Everyone watched in stunned silence as she extricated herself, rearranged her disheveled dress and hair and was reseated on the witness stand. The glare she directed at onlookers dared anyone to so much as smirk.
"Well, doctor," continued the district attorney without changing expression, "we could start with an easier question."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

 Knock Knock Collection 034


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Cello!
Cello who?
Cello dere!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Cereal!
Cereal who?
Cereal pleasure to meet you!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Chad!
Chad who?
Chad to make your acquaintance!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Cheese!
Cheese who?
Cheese a cute girl!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Cher!
Cher who?
Cher and share alike!

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

Funny Photo of the day - Chopsticks for a new era

Chopsticks for a new era | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"Don't make me come down there!" --GOD
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Overeating at a buffet is a...

Overeating at a buffet is an expansive proposition.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

MAGIC SQUARE: Calculate A-B+C

The aim is to place the some numbers from the list (5, 6, 13, 22, 23, 24, 25, 30, 32, 50, 99) into the empty squares and squares marked with A, B an C. Sum of each row and column should be equal. All the numbers of the magic square must be different. Find values for A, B, and C. Solution is A-B+C.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Bad Taste

A guy opens his packed lunch that his wife made for him that

morning. He takes a bite of the sandwich and immediately

spits it out cursing. Straight away he phones his wife

asking, "What was in that sandwich you gave me?"

"Why?" she asked.

"Because it was disgusting." he answers. "What was in it?"

"Crab Paste." she says.

"Well I have never had anything that tasted that awful

before. Where did you get it from?"

"The Pharmacy." she answers

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

Bob was in trouble. He forgot...

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.
#joke #friday
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (16)

I just had a call from a Chari...

I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world.
I told them to buzz off!!!!!
Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving!!
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 23 June 2015
  • Currently 6.15/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (13)

Two Boll Weevils

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 03 January 2010
  • Currently 3.85/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (13)

The new minister's wife had a ...

The new minister's wife had a baby. The minister appealed to the congregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family.The congregation agreed that it was only fair, and approved it.
When the next child arrived, the minister appealed again and the congregation approved again.
Several years and five children later, the congregation was a bit upset over the increasing expense. This turned into a rather loud meeting one night with the minister. Finally, the minister stood and shouted out,"Having children is an act of God!!"
An older man in the back stood and shouted back, "Rain and snow are acts of God, too, and we wear rubbers for them."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 07 December 2009
  • Currently 5.70/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (60)

Chris Rock: Natural Causes

When you die at 72, no matter what you die of, its natural causes. Even if you get hit by a truck, its natural causes. Cause if you was younger, youd got out of the way.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 07 December 2010
  • Currently 4.24/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (51)

Bag

Saddam sent his son shopping to get some food.

His son came back with the food on his head.

So Saddam says "Why have you got the shopping on your head?"

The son replies, "Because there is no Baghdad!"

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Calamjo

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 07 December 2010
  • Currently 3.78/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (40)

End of the earth

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!

GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there?

Submitted by sai1ram

Edited by Curtis

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 07 December 2011
  • Currently 4.29/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (31)

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