Jokes of the day for Sunday, 27 December 2015

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 27 December 2015
  • Currently 9.58/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (709)

Be prepared for Christmas, check out our latest Christmas jokes and quotes on: Christmas jokes collectionThe Best Christmas jokes

A man returns home a day early

A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight. While en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act.
For $100, the cabby agrees. Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toe into the bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there is his wife in bed with another man!
The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouts, "Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money. He paid for the Corvette I gave you. He paid for our new cabin cruiser. He paid for your season Panther tickets. He paid for our house at the lake. He paid for our country club membership, and He even pays the monthly dues!"
Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He looks over at the cabby and says, "What would you do?"
The cabby replies, "I'd cover his ass with that blanket before he catches cold."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

Honey, has anyone ever told you....

After the party, as the couple was driving home, the woman asks her husband, "Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to women you are?"

The flattered husband said, "No, dear they haven't."

The wife yells, "Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the party tonight?"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 7.87/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (15)

 Nerds Versus Jocks


An answer to the eternal question "Is it better to be a jock or a nerd?"
Michael Jordan will make over $300,000 a game: $10,000 a minute, assuming he averages about 30 minutes per game.
Assuming $40 million in endorsements next year, he'll be making $178,100 a day (working or not)!
Assuming he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.
If he goes to see a movie, it'll cost him $7.00, but he'll make $18,550 while he's there.
If he decides to have a 5 minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it. He makes $7,415/hr more than minimum wage (after the wage hike).
He'll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends.
If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.
If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second.
He'll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round.
Assuming he puts the federal maximum of 15% of his income into his tax deferred account (401k), he will have hit the federal cap of $9500 for such accounts at 8:30 a.m. on January 1st, 1998.
If you were given a tenth of a penny for every dollar he made, you'd be living comfortably at $65,000 a year.
He'll make about $19.60 while watching the 100 meter dash in the Olympics. He'll make about $15,600 while the Boston Marathon is being run.
While the common person is spending about $20 for a meal in his trendy Chicago restaurant, he'll pull in about $5600.
Next year, he'll make more than twice as much as all of our past presidents for all of their terms combined. Amazing isn't it?
But:
Jordan will have to save 100% of his income for 270 years to have a net worth equivalent to that of Bill Gates.
Nerds win!

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

A highly timid little man, ven

A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?"
A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, "It's my dog. Why?"
"Well," squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, "I believe my dog just killed it, sir."
"What?" roared the big man in disbelief. "What in the hell kind of dog do you have?"
"Sir," answered the little man, "it's a little four week old female puppy."
"Bull!" roared the biker, "how could your puppy kill my Doberman?"
"It appears that your dog choked on her, sir."
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

Godawful Pickup Line

Is there a mirror in your pocket? Because I can definitely see myself in your pants tonight.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

A: I have the perfect son. A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
#joke

Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Find number abc

If 95b11 - 4a9cc = 4ab45 find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

“Oops, I jumped into

“Oops, I jumped into the pool with my watch on. I don't know if it is waterproof or not. I guess only time will tell.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

The Best Zen Teacher

Who is the best Zen teacher?
M.T. Ness
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 28 June 2015
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

A little boy asked his teacher...

A little boy asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom,so she said yes. When he went to wipe his bum there was no toilet paper so he used his hands. When he got back to class his teacher asked, 'What do you have in your hand.'The boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get scared away.'
He was then sent to the principals office and the principal asked him, 'What do you have in your hand.'
So the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away.' He was sent home and his mom asked him 'What do you have in your hand.'
So the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away.' He was sent to his room and his dad came in and said, 'What do you have in your hand.' So again the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he get scared away.'
Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, 'Open your hands!'
And the little boy said, 'Look Dad you scared the crap out of him.'
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 27 December 2009
  • Currently 5.15/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (46)

Josh Sneed: After-Christmas Sale

I was walking back through this mall in January; there was a girl in front of Victorias Secret who stopped me. She was like, Hey, hows it going? I was like, Good, how are you? She goes, Well, Im curious, are you shopping for a wife or girlfriend today? I was like, No, why? She goes, Well, were having this after-Christmas sale, and all our bras are 50% off. And I go, I like when your bras are 100% off.
#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 27 December 2010
  • Currently 5.10/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (29)

Why was the orange s...

“Why was the orange sad? He had peelings for the apple.”

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 27 December 2013
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Rating: 5.6/10 (14)

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