Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 06 January 2016
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 06 January 2016 |
The new dads!
I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labor when the nurse walked out and said to a man sitting there, "Congratulations sir, you're the new father of twins!"
The man replied, "How about that! I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team." About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mrs. Smith had just had triplets.
Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for 3M!"
When the nurse appeared next, she told the third man that his wife had given birth to quadruplets.
"That's amazing! I work for the Four Seasons Hotel!"
At this point the gentleman sitting next to me let out a little strangled gasp and hurriedly got up, obviously distraught. When I asked him if he was okay, he explained, "I think I need a breath of fresh air." The man continued, "I'm the casting director for 101 Dalmatians."
Funny video of the day - Funniest On The Job Fails 2016 || A Work Fails Compilation
Before boarding a bus, a man a
Before boarding a bus, a man asked the driver, "What is the fare to the train station?""Sixty cents," said the driver.
The man raced alongside the bus until the next stop and then gasped, "What is the fare now?"
"Ninety cents," said the driver. "You're running the wrong way."
Knock Knock Collection 103
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Joan!
Joan who!
Joan you remember me?
!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Joan!
Joan who!
Joan call us we'll call you!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Joanna!
Joanna who!
Joanna big kiss!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Joanne!
Joanne who!
Joanne tell!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Joe Namath!
Joe Namath who!
Joe Namath not on the door thats why I knocked!
A young monk arrives at the mo...
A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies,not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy,it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries,but you make a good point, my son."
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot.
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him.He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.
"We missed the R!
We missed the R!
We missed the R!"
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?"
With A choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word was..
CELEBRATE"
Space mission
NASA sends a space shuttle up with two pigs and a blonde on board.
While the shuttle is taking off, the NASA command center calls the first pig and asks, "Pig#1, do you know your mission?"
The pig replies, "Oink oink. Get the shuttle into orbit and launch the trillion dollar satellite. Oink oink."
Then NASA Control asks the second pig, "Pig #2, do you know your mission?"
The second pig replies, "Oink oink. Once Pig #1 has completed the trillion dollar satellite launch, close hatch, and go back to Earth, land shuttle. Oink oink."
Then NASA asks the blonde, "Blonde woman, do you know your mission?"
The blonde woman replies, "Ummmmmmm.... Oh yeah, I remember now. 'Feed the pigs, and DON'T TOUCH A GODDAMNED THING!"
Submitted by Admin
Edited by Calamjo
Q: What starts with E, ends wi
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?A: Envelope.
Organ thieves sell their goods
Organ thieves sell their goods to a body shop. Some offer free de-livery.
10 Things Men Know About Women
10 Things Men Know About Women 1.)
2.)
3.)
4.)
5.)
6.)
7.)
8.)
9.)
10.) They have breasts.
Ten Thoughts to Ponder...
Number 10Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky.....not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
Number 2
In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT...
America knows exactly where one cow with mad-cow disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America, but they haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe the USA should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.
Chuck Norris eats the core of ...
Chuck Norris eats the core of an apple first.Business one-liners 24
Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average.Enough research will tend to support your theory.
Entropy has us outnumbered.
Error is often more earnest than truth.
Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.
Even if the grass is greener on the other side: they, like you, still have to cut it.
Even paranoids have enemies.
Every silver lining has a cloud around it.
Every solution breeds new problems.
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
21 Bastille Day jokes
Bastille Day is the national day of France, which is celebrated on 14 July each year. Have fun with some revolutionary jokes!
What is the most important part of jokes about the French Revolution?
The execution.
Do you know that the French Revolution was kind of a pain in the neck?
But once it was over it was a weight off of some people’s shoulders.
What did the Aristocrat say when he heard the French Revolution happening in the streets?
"Oh! What a peasant surprise!"
Did you hear the one about Bastille Day?
It’s a riot.
Why is the French Revolution just like Prohibition?
They both got rid of Bourbon!
Why did King Louis despise the peasants?
He found them revolting.
What’s your funniest pickup line for Bastille Day?
"Hey girl, are you the French Revolution?
Because I keep imagining you sans-culottes!"
Have you ever seen the play about the French Revolution?
The scene with Marie Antoinette was perfectly executed.
Do you know that anyone can use our Bastille Day jokes?
It’s royalty free.
How do Americans celebrate Bastille Day?
By storming their wine cellar.
A kid was talking to his dad about Bastille Day. He said, "Isn’t that the day when everyone robs all the fish from the water?
" "Bass-steal day".
What do they call Independence Day in France?
A Royale-free with cheese!
Why is the rooster France’s national emblem?
It’s the only bird that still sings when it’s standing on a shit pile.
Have you heard about Bastille Day?
Its the last time the French showed any balls.
Why do French bakers always bake extra bread on Bastille Day?
Because they know everyone’s going to "storm" their bakery!/p>
What was the primary role of the aristocrats during the French Revolution?
They put their head into it.
Why don’t they play cards in France on Bastille Day?
Because everyone’s afraid of the "revolutionary" hand!
During the French Revolution, what was the executioner’s catchphrase?
"First come, first severed!"
Why are fireworks set off on Bastille Day?
It’s the only way to make a louder bang than the one made when they stormed the Bastille!
What is the difference between Bastille Day and the 4th Of July?
Bastille Day is just like the Fourth of July except it takes place in France and Americans don’t care about it!
A French nobleman’s estate was destroyed during the French Revolution.
The results were château-strophic.