Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 13 January 2016

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 13 January 2016
  • Currently 9.54/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (1268)

A young Southern boy goes off...

A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 of the waythrough the semester, he has foolishly squandered away all of the money hisparents gave him.
Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy. "Dad," he says, "you won'tbelieve the wonders that modern education are coming up with! Why,they actually have a program here at college that will teach our dog OleBlue how to talk!"
"That's absolutely amazing," his father says. "How do I get him inthat program?"
"Just send him down here with $1,000" the boy says. "I'll get himinto the course." So, his father sends the dog and the $1,000.
About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy callshis father again. "So how's Ole Blue doing, son," his father asks.
"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believethis they've had such good results with this program that they'veimplemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!"
"READ," says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get himin that program? "
Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." His father sends themoney.
The boy now has a problem. At the end of the year, his father willfind out that the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.
When he gets home at the end of the semester, his father is allexcited. "Where's Ole Blue? I just can't wait to see him talk and readsomething!"
"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, justbefore we left to drive home, Ole Blue was in the living room kicking backin the recliner, reading the morning paper, like he usually does. Then heturned to me and asked, ' So, is your daddy still messin' around with thatlittle redhead who lives on Oak Street ?'
The father says, "I hope you SHOT that son of a bitch before he talksto your Mother!"
"I sure did, Dad!"
"That's my boy!"
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 6.58/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (12)

An employee got lock...

“An employee got locked in a freezer at the ice cream factory and ended up getting spumonia.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

Funny video of the day - Most Lit Candles Extinguished By Farting (World Record!)

Most Lit Candles Extinguished By Farting (World Record!) - Gerard Jessie extinguished five lit candles by farting, a RecordSetter.com World Record. - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

A man phoned his doctor saying

A man phoned his doctor saying his wife appeared to be having an appendicitis attack.
"That's impossible," the physician replied. "Your wife had an appendectomy last year. Why are you bothering me for something as stupid as that? Have you ever seen anybody with a second appendix?"
"No, to be honest I haven't!" the husband replied. "Have you ever seen anybody with a second wife?"
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Boogers and spinach

What is the differance between boogers and spinach?

You can't get your kids to eat spinach.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 7.91/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (11)

Funny Photo of the day - Amazing Eye Makeup Design - Cinderella

Amazing Eye Makeup Design - Cinderella - Do you need to pay copyright to Disney when you wear this one? | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

Burglar and an Elderly Woman

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.)
The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you."
"Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an ax and two 38's!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 1.67/10

Rating: 1.7/10 (6)

Shaking hands with a dog alway

Shaking hands with a dog always gives me paws.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

Look carefully the picture a...

Look carefully the picture and guess the game name.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Ken Starr DNA Test

Federal Bureau of Investigation Crime Lab 2A-3356N, Wash DC

DNA Test Results: Clinton, William Jefferson

Dear Mr. Starr:

The test on the dress came back inconclusive. Everyone in

Arkansas has the same DNA.

Sorry,

The FBI

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Yo' Mama is so ugly, yo' dad

Yo' Mama is so ugly, yo' daddy takes her to work with him so he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 20 November 2015
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

The Skin Graft

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.
However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!
One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheeks.  

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 02 June 2015
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

 Mary Poppins Moved


It seems that Mary Poppins has moved to California. She has started a business telling people's fortunes. But, she doesn't read palms or tea leaves, she smells one's breath. That, right, the sign outside reads: Super California Mystic Expert Halitosis.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 12 April 2015
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

Chuck Norris' belly button is ...

Chuck Norris' belly button is actually a power outlet.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 13 January 2012
  • Currently 3.55/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (22)

You might be a redneck if 57

You might be a reneck if...

You live close enough to town to get garbage service, but don't use it because they won't come down your driveway to get it.

The fellows on the big garbage moving equipment recoginze your wife.... and wave to her.

Your wife picks thru your garbage cans looking for any bait that may have grown in them since the last time you went.

You have ever removed the 3-9 zoom scope from your deer rifle to use at a KISS concert.

You have more than 2 used pampers rolling around in the back of your truck.

When you put your hunting boots on you only get them on the right feet 50% of the time.

Your idea of a neighborhood watch program is tuning into "America's Most Wanted".

You own more than two clappers.

You go to Wal-Mart to people watch.

You recycle enough Copenhagen lids to buy Christmas presents.

#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 13 January 2012
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (19)

People are ignoring me

A patient walks into a doctor's office.

Patient: Doctor, people ignore me.

Doctor: Next!

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 13 January 2011
  • Currently 4.82/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (17)

Rickey Smiley: White Church

I joined a white church because white people get out on time.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 13 January 2012
  • Currently 3.94/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (16)

Mimes

Whats black and white and red all over? Mimes in a chainsaw fight.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 13 January 2010
  • Currently 3.63/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (16)

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