Jokes of the day for Saturday, 16 January 2016

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 16 January 2016
  • Currently 9.56/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (902)

A frustrated wife buys a pair...

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex life. She puts them on, together with a short skirt, and sits on the sofa opposite her husband.
At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs...
Enough times that her husband finally asks, "Are you wearing crotchless panties?"
"Y-e-s," she answers with a seductive smile.
"Thank f*** for that. I thought you were sitting on the cat."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

My mind is gone

"Oh God," sighed the wife one morning, "I'm convinced my mind is almost completely gone!"

Her husband looked up from the newspaper and commented, "I'm not surprised: You've been giving me a piece of it every day for twenty years!"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 6.88/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (16)

Funny video of the day - Best Fails of the Week 2 January 2016

Best Fails of the Week 2 January 2016 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

A Collection Of Insults

A brief synopsis... When you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection here at Aha! Jokes.


A few beans short of chili.
A few beers short of a six-pack / a six-pack short of a case.
A few birds shy of a flock.
A few blocks short of a filesystem.
A few bombs/melons short of a full load.
A few bricks short of a wall / hod / load / pile.
A few chips short of a cookie.
A few clowns short of a circus.
A few clues shy of a solution.
A few cold solder joints.
A few ears short of a bushel.
A few feathers short of a whole duck.
A few few cylinders short of a full re-format.
A few fish short of a string.
A few french fries / one hamburger short of a Happy Meal.
#joke #beer
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 1.80/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (5)

Blessing a Body…?

A newly ordained deacon was asked to hold a graveside service for someone with no family or friends. It was his first official assignment, so he eagerly agreed.
Taking his duties very seriously, the deacon let early the next morning for the cemetery. However, he made several wrong turns and quickly got himself lost. When he finally arrived more than an hour late, the hearse was nowhere to be seen and the two workmen were eating lunch.
The deacon got out of his car, quickly threw on his vestments, and hurried to the open grave. Looking into the pit, he saw that the vault lid was already in place. With a sign, he took out his prayer book and read the burial service.
After he had left, one of the workmen said to the other, “Maybe we should have told him he just blessed a septic tank.”
This joke was reprinted from "The Book of Catholic Jokes" by Deacon Tom Sheridan, with permission of ACTA Publications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Funny Photo of the day - Hey friends wait for me

Hey friends wait for me | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

Black Friday ads always ron

Black Friday ads always a sale me.
#joke #short #friday
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

Shine On, You Crazy

How many Frat boys does it take to change a lightbulb?

11... One to hold the lightbulb, and 10 to drink until the room spins.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Replace asterisk symbols with ...

Replace asterisk symbols with a letters (E**** *R***E*) and guess the name of musician. Length of words in solution: 5,7.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

A man hasn't been feeling wel

A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left." "Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?" "Ten," the doctor says sadly. "Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!" "Nine..."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

“To curb wastage of w

“To curb wastage of water during showers everyone at the hostel was given a shower cap!”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

A blonde is terribly overweigh...

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on adiet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day,and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you,you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losingnearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow myinstructions?"
The blonde nodded... "I'll tell you though, I thought I wasgoing to drop dead that 3rd day."
"From hunger, you mean?", asked the doctor."
"No, from skipping."
#joke #blonde #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 16 April 2015
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

Husband for sale

A store where a woman may go to choose a husband has opened in Auckland.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

“You may visit this store only once! There are six floors, and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building.”

So a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor, the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 -- These Men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: Floor 2 --These Men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

“That's nice,” she thinks. “But I want more.”

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 -- These Men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are Extremely Good Looking.

“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 -- These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, Are Drop-Dead Good Looking and Help with Housework.

“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims. “I can hardly stand it!”

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 -- These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, Are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: Floor 6 -- You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor.

There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 16 January 2015
  • Currently 8.21/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (28)

Tony Rock: Alcohol Is a Drug

I love alcohol, man. Some people call alcohol a drug, too. Some people say that, Alcohols a drug. Not me, I call it a vitamin. Cause whatever your deficiency is, alcohol will treat it.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 16 January 2012
  • Currently 3.85/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (27)

Masturbation Contest

Who's the world's greatest athlete? The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 16 January 2012
  • Currently 3.82/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (22)

Bush meets Moses

George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair.

The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm. George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses?" The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.

George W. positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "Aren't you Moses?" The man continued to peruse the ceiling. George W. tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "Aren't you Moses?"

The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "YES, I AM!"

George W. asked him why he was so uppity and had taken so long to answer him.

The man replied, "The last time I spoke to a Bush I ended up stuck in a desert for forty years!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 16 January 2010
  • Currently 5.05/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (20)

Tony Rock: Whole Other Level

Heres a tip for all the weed smokers in the room. If youre going to smoke, always smoke with your fat friends -- the fatter the better. Cause your fat friends will take the munchies to a whole other level. Your fat friends are like, Damn, potato chips? Im gonna go bake a cake.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 16 January 2011
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (20)

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