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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 27 February 2016

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 27 February 2016
  • Currently 9.54/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (789)

Have a great time for Christmas, check out our latest Christmas jokes of 2022 on: Christmas jokes collection

If a person wants to be a part of your life

If a person wants to be a part of your life, they will make an obvious effort to do so. Think twice before reserving a space in your heart for people who do not make an effort to stay.
#joke
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

An old Italian couple were wal

An old Italian couple were walking around in the mall. After a while they got separated, so the woman went up to the first saleswoman she saw and asked, "Escusa me, have you seenna me Tony. He's got a bigga belly and a lots of curly black hair?"
The saleswoman answers that she hasn't seen her husband.
So the Italian woman went to ask another saleswoman, "Escusa me, have you seenna me Tony. He's got a bigga belly and a lots of curly black hair?"
"No, I'm sorry ma'am, I haven't seen your husband," replied the second clerk.
The Italian woman goes to see one more saleswoman and asks, "Escusa me, have you seenna me Tony. He's got a bigga belly and a lots of curly black hair?"
The saleswoman answers, "Yes I saw him, he ran out of here lickety-split."
To which the Italian woman answers, "No. No. No! That's not a me Tony. He pinch-a the bum, grabba the breasts but he no lickety my split!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

Funny video of the day - Best Fails of the Month February 2016

Best Fails of the Month February 2016 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Laughing baby...

A baby is just born. It has all of its parts and looks quite normal. The only problem is, the baby is laughing. Not just laughing, but laughing hysterically. The doctors and nurses examine the little tyke, from top to bottom and from front to back in front of the worried parents. With his tiny fists clenched and tears rolling down his face, the baby just continues to laugh. One by one the pediatrician unfolds the tiny fingers checking to see if the baby's hands are all right. As they open the baby's hand, to their surprise what do they see, but a birth control pill!

#joke #doctor
  • Currently 4.80/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (20)

 School Collection 08


A math joke
If there are ten cats in a boat and one jumps out, how many are left?
None, they were all copycats!

A history joke
What does the 1286BC incribed on the mummy's tomb indicate?
The registration of the car that ran him over!

Father: How do you like going to school?
Son: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but I'm not too keen on the time in-between!

A history joke
Who succeeded the first President of the USA?
The second one!

A math joke
Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you to all answer at once. How much is six plus 4?
Class: At once!


#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

Funny Photo of the day - Caution Drunken people crossing!

Caution Drunken people crossing! - Drive safely | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

My daughter says she wants her

My daughter says she wants her eyes, lips, nose and smile to be surgically reconstructed at the cost of thousands of dollars, but I think she's just going through a face.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

Two elderly residents, one mal...

Two elderly residents, one male and one female, were sitting alone in the lobby of their nursing home one evening.
The old man looked over and said to the old lady, "I know just what you're wanting, and for $5 I'll have sex with you right over there in that rocking chair."
The old lady looked surprised but didn't say a word.
The old man continued, "For $10 I'll do it with you on that nice soft sofa over there, but for $20 I'll take you back to my room, light some candles, and give you the most romantic evening you've ever had in your life."
The old lady still says nothing but after a couple minutes, starts digging down in her purse. She pulls out a wrinkled $20 bill and holds it up.
"So you want the nice romantic evening in my room," says the old man.
"Get serious", she replies. "I want it four times in the rocking chair!"
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

FLEX NERDLE

FLEX NERDLE Guess the NERDLE in 6 tries. After each guess, the color of the tiles will change to show how close your guess was to the solution.
Source: Genius Brain Teasers - Jokes Of The Day Partner

No lights?

What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?

A power failure!!

Submitted by Calamjo

Edited by Curtis

#joke #short
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Answering Machine

Q: What did the guy's carphone answering machine say?

A: "Hi, I'm home right now so I can't take your call."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

A man boards a plane with six

A man boards a plane with six kids. After they get settled in their seats, a woman sitting across the aisle leans over to him and asks, "Are all of those kids yours?" He replies, "No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

“The race car driver

“The race car driver had a checkered past.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 1.50/10

Rating: 1.5/10 (8)

Spendthrifts

A father and his son were looking at a nativity scene in a London gallery. It was Titian's world-famous painting of the scene at Bethlehem.
The boy said, “Dad, why is the baby lying in such a crude cradle in a pile of straw?”
"Well, son,” explained the father, “they were poor, and they couldn't afford anything better.”
Said the boy, "Then how could they afford to have their picture painted by such an expensive artist?”
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 17 December 2015
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

A linguistics professor was le...

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
Then a voice from the back of the room piped up: "Yeah, right."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 27 February 2010
  • Currently 6.84/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (50)

It was a stifling hot day and ...

It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection.

Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, so a woman rushed to help him.

When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said, "It's all right honey, I've had a course in first aid."

The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man's pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration.

At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, "When you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm already here."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 27 February 2010
  • Currently 7.36/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (44)

What does the left leg of a bl...

What does the left leg of a blonde say to her right leg?
Nothing they have never met.
#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 27 February 2010
  • Currently 4.62/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (37)

Answering Machine Message 32


Hi, you've reached the home of George Ledec. If you are calling to collect a student loan, gambling debt, or other obligation, please press 1 and hang up now. If you are selling any product or service, or requesting charitable donations, please press 2 and hang up now. Otherwise, press 3 and leave your message now. Pressing 3 is optional.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 27 February 2010
  • Currently 4.24/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (34)

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