Jokes of the day for Sunday, 20 March 2016

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 20 March 2016
  • Currently 9.54/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (819)

APRIL FOOL'S DAY PRANKS - Drippy

Use a pin to make a few small holes in a plastic disposable cup. The holes should be near the top, just below the rim. Offer a drink to the victim and watch while the liquid dribbles out onto their shirt when they take a drink.
#joke #short #aprilfoolsday #prank
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

A New Hampshireman stops by a

A New Hampshireman stops by a cafe for breakfast. After paying the tab, he checks his pockets and leaves his tip -- three pennies.
As he strides toward the door, his waitress muses, only half to herself: "You know, you can tell a lot about a man by the tip he leaves."
The man turns around, curiosity getting the better of him. "Oh, really? Tell me, what does my tip say?"
"Well, this penny tells me you're a thrifty man."
Barely able to conceal his pride, the man utters, "Hmm, true enough."
"And this penny, it tells me you're a bachelor."
Surprised at her perception, he says, "Well, that's true, too."
"And the third penny tells me that your father was one, too."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Funny video of the day - Blind Man Eats Neighbor's Food

Blind Man Eats Neighbor's Food - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

Lost at Sea?

Yossi and Janine, an elderly Jewish couple, are sitting together on an aeroplane flying to the Far East. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and this plane will be going down in a few minutes time. The good news is that I can see an island below us that should be able to accommodate our landing. The bad news is that this island appears to be uncharted - I am unable to find it on our maps. So the odds are that we will never be rescued and will have to live on the island for a very long time, if not for the rest of our lives."Yossi turns to Janine and asks, "Janine, dear, did we turn off the oven?" and Janine replies, "Of course."
"Janine, are our life insurance policies paid up?"
"Of course."
"Janine, did we pay our pledge for the synagogue appeal?"
"Oh my God, I forgot to send off the cheque."
"Thank Heaven! They'll find us for sure!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

I deserted from Genghis Khan.

I deserted from Genghis Khan. I swore I wouldn't join Mongol Sam's army.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Funny Photo of the day - The cutest friendship you ever see

The cutest friendship you ever see | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

Self help...

A man walks into a book store and asks the clerk if she could tell him where the "self-help" area is.

She replied, "Of course I can, but that would defeat the purpose, now wouldn't it?"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

Animated GIF - Police officer and drunk man

Police officer and drunk man - Police officer and drunk man - link to page gif is posted initially.
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

 An Organization That Makes Men Fear Marriage


The British had an organization that Americans are now considering adopting.
It seems that in England, they had a men's club, Bachelors' Anonymous. It was highly successful in making men fear or even hate marriage.
The club provided a unique way to treat the problem of bachelors wanting to marry. They send over a mother-in-law in nightgown, hair curlers, and a mud pack.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Take a look at the picture of ...

Take a look at the picture of the movie scene and guess the name of the person whose face is not visible. Length of words in solution: 6,2,4
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

True Medical Stories

True Medical Stories (??)

A man come into the ER yelling, "My wife's going to have her

baby in the cab!" The ER physician grabs his stuff, rushes

out to the cab, lifts the lady's dress, and just finishes

jerking off her underwear when he suddenly discovers that

there are several cabs lined up, and it's obvious that he's

in the wrong one.

A nurse at the beginning of the shift places her

stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female

patient's chest wall. "Big breaths," instructed the nurse.

"Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.

One day I had to be the bearer of bad news and I told a wife

that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.

Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to

the rest of the family that he died from a "massive internal

fart."

I was performing a complete physical, including the visual

acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart

and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read

the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless

read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He

couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and

discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was

standing there with both his eyes covered. I was

laughing too hard to finish the exam.

A nurses' aide was helping a patient into the bathroom when

the patient exclaimed, "You're not coming in here with me.

This is only a one-seater!"

During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his

cardiologist, he informed his doctor that he was having

trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?", asked the

doctor "The patch," he replied, "the nurse told me to put on

a new one every six hours and I've run out of places to put

it!" The doctor had him quickly undress and discovered what

he hoped he wouldn't see . . . Yes, the man had over fifty

patches on

his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old

patch before applying a new one.

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I

asked, "How long since you have been bedridden?" After a

look of complete confusion she answered, "Why, not for about

twenty years . . . when my husband was still alive."

A nurse caring for a woman from Kentucky asked, "So how's

your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for

the Kentucky Jelly. I can't get used to the taste," the

patient replied. The nurse asked to see the jelly and the

woman produced a foil packet plainly labeled "KY Jelly."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Yo momma is so fat she went to

Yo momma is so fat she went to church with heels on and when she came back home they were flats.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Some people should be thankful

Some people should be thankful that i can control the crazy.
#joke
Joke | Source: Minion Quotes - Despicable Me Minions is a website dedicated to minions. Have a good time reading minion quotes, funny quotes or entertain yourself playing minion games.
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

Harold was an old man. He was

Harold was an old man. He was sick and in the hospital. There was one young nurse that just drove him crazy. Every time she came in, she would talk to him like he was a little child. She would say in a patronizing tone of voice, "And how are we doing this morning, or are we ready for a bath, or are we hungry?"
Old Harold had had enough of this particular nurse. One day, Old Harold hadbreakfast, pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his bed side stand.He had been given a urine bottle to fill for testing. The juice was apple juice. So .. you know where the juice went!
The nurse came in a little later, picked up the urine bottle and looked at it. "My, but it seems we are a little cloudy today .."
At this, Old Harold snatched the bottle out of her hand, popped off the top, and drank it down, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again. Maybe I can filter it better this time."
The nurse fainted ...! Old Harold just smiled!
DON'T MESS WITH OLD PEOPLE!!!!
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

“The chef said it wou

“The chef said it would be rare moment if the waiter returned a steak with a burning issue after being so tender cooking it.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

A fellow nurse at my hospital ...

A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious patient.
"I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today." the caller said.
"Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked.
"No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette."
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 20 March 2009
  • Currently 6.24/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (29)

Where ya from, Sam?

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient.

"Sir," the usher said, "if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."

Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police.

The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" the cop asked.

And with pain in his voice, Sam replied, "The balcony."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 20 March 2015
  • Currently 8.90/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (21)

A cowboy rides into town on Fr...

A cowboy rides into town on Friday, stays three days and leaves on Friday how does he do it?

The horses name is Friday
#joke #short #friday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 20 March 2010
  • Currently 7.06/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (18)

A vertically challenged psychi...

A vertically challenged psychic was arrested one day. He escaped from jail and the newspaper headline read, "SMALL MEDIUM AT-LARGE."
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 20 March 2011
  • Currently 5.53/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (17)

One day my friend as...

“One day my friend asked me, how do you take such good care of your saxophone. I responded with tenor, love and care.”

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 20 March 2014
  • Currently 4.69/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (16)

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