Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 29 March 2016

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 29 March 2016
  • Currently 9.59/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (1126)

A judge was instructing the ju

A judge was instructing the jury that because a witness changed his statement after giving it to the police, he should not necessarily be regarded as untruthful.
"For example," the judge said, "when I entered my chambers today, I was certain that I had my gold watch in my pocket, then I remembered that I had left it on my nightstand in my bedroom."
When the judge arrived home that evening, his wife asked, "Why so much urgency for your watch? Don't you think sending three men to pick it up for you was a bit extreme?"
"What?" exclaimed the judge. "I didn't send anyone for my watch, let alone three people. What did you do?"
"I gave it to the first one," replied his wife, "after all, he knew exactly where it was."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

“The flower that wilt

“The flower that wilted was in desperate need of a stem cell transplant.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

Funny video of the day - April Fools' Day Pranks - Look what happened to COCA-COLA!

April Fools' Day Pranks - Look what happened to COCA-COLA! - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

There was a farmer who grew wa...

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons.
After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next night, the kids showed up and they saw the sign which read, "Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide."
The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons were missing, but the sign next to his read, "Now there are two!"
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (8)

An elderly married couple...

An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examination the same day so they could travel together. After the husband's examination, the doctor then said to him, "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like discuss with me?"

"In fact, I do," said the man. "After I have sex with my wife for the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty. And then, after I have sex with my wife the second time, I am usually cold and chilly."

"This is very interesting," replied the doctor. "Let me do some research and get back to you."

After examining the elderly wife, the doctor said to her, "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"

The lady replied that she had no questions nor concerns. The doctor then asked, "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?"

"Oh that old buzzard!" she replied.

"That's because the first time is usually in July and the second time is usually in December!"

#joke #doctor #december
Joke | Source: http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

What Are The Pictures?

A young lad was visiting a church for the first time, checking all the announcements and posters along the walls.
When he came to a group of pictures of men in uniform, he asked a nearby usher, "Who are all those men in the pictures?"
The usher replied, "Why, those are our boys who died in the service".
Dumbfounded, the youngster asked, "Was that the morning service or the evening service?"
#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

Animated GIF - Pig Rodeo

Pig Rodeo - Pig Rodeo - link to page gif is posted initially.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

bribe the jury

Shultz, a lawyer, bribed a man on the jury to hold out for a charge of manslaughter, as opposed to the charge of murder which was brought by the prosecution. The jury was out for nearly a week before they returned to court with the manslaughter verdict. When Shultz paid the juror, he asked him if it had been hard to persuade the other jurors to get the charge of manslaughter.

"Sure did," the juror replied, "all the others wanted to acquit him."

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

MAGIC SQUARE: Calculate A-B*C

The aim is to place the some numbers from the list (7, 8, 9, 23, 24, 25, 34, 35, 36, 81) into the empty squares and squares marked with A, B an C. Sum of each row and column should be equal. All the numbers of the magic square must be different. Find values for A, B, and C. Solution is A-B*C.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Q: Where in the Bible is the f

Q: Where in the Bible is the first tennis match mentioned? A: When Joseph served in the Pharaoh's court.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Whenever I see bacon in the pa

Whenever I see bacon in the pan, I think, ‘Now, that's parallel porking.'
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

The trick to being smart

The trick to being smart is knowing when to play dumb.
#joke
Joke | Source: Minion Quotes - Despicable Me Minions is a website dedicated to minions. Have a good time reading minion quotes, funny quotes or entertain yourself playing minion games.
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

What Do You Get When ...

What do you get when you cross a Buddhist and a Druid?
Someone who worships the tree that is not there.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 21 February 2016
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

Anxious Cab Driver

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 16 December 2015
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

Yo mama is so short

Yo mama so short she poses for trophies!

Yo mama so short you can see her feet on her drivers lisence!

Yo mama so short she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.

Yo mama so short she can play handball on the curb.

Yo mama so short she does backflips under the bed.

Yo mama so short she models for trophys.

#joke #yomama
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 29 March 2012
  • Currently 3.27/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (33)

Andy Kindler: Celebrating Suffering

Jewish people, we dont believe in Hell or a future place to suffer. Were suffering right now. Every one of our holidays celebrates how much weve suffered. Passover -- were celebrating 5,000 years ago, God passed over our houses and murdered all the Egyptians. Were celebrating, Hey, thank God we didnt get slaughtered.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 29 March 2010
  • Currently 4.56/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (32)

Helisoft

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 29 March 2013
  • Currently 3.90/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (31)

Repaying a Debt

The Hodja (teacher) was selling olives at the market and business was slow. He called to a woman who was passing by and tried to entice her.
She shook her head and told him she didn't have any money with her.
"No problem," the Hodja grinned. "You can pay me later."
She still looked hesitant, so he offered her one to taste.
"Oh no, I can't, I'm fasting," she responded.
"Fasting? But Ramadan was 6 months ago!"
"Yes, well, I missed a day and I'm making it up now. Go ahead and give me a kilo of the black olives."
"Forget it!" shouted the Hodja. "If it took you 6 months to pay back a debt you owed ALLAH, who knows when you'll get around to paying me!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 29 March 2009
  • Currently 3.74/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (23)

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