Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 27 April 2016
|Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 27 April 2016|
A guest at dinner noticed theA guest at dinner noticed the small family dog looking hungrily at every bite she took. Finally she took a small piece of meat from her plate and held it up for him.
"Speak!" she said to the dog.
The dog answered, "Under the circumstances, I hardly know what to say!"
“The policemen said i
“The policemen said if I didn't pay my library fine he would have to book me.”
A Recently Spotted Bumper StickerIf God didn't want us to eat animals, why did he make them out of meat?
On a given night, 2 death rowOn a given night, 2 death row inmates are scheduled to be electrocuted onold sparky. While one execution is in progress, the pastor administers tothe other condemned man in his cell.
"Don't worry my son", says the pastor, "as soon as the high voltagereaches your brain, it numbs all your senses, so you won't feel a thing."
Suddenly some horrible screams are heard throughout the entire cell block.The pastor immediately ask one of the guard "What is all this screamingabout?"
Not to worry pastor, we had a power failure, so we're finishing the firstexecution "by candles".
Out of the Mouths of Babes...
An old doctor went way out to the boon-docks to deliver a baby. It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.
"Hit him again," the child said.
"He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!!!"
A brief affair
A young associate was romantically ambushed in a darkened room of the law firm.
After months of the social isolation that comes from eighty hour work weeks, the associate was happy to reciprocate.
However, when asked by a friend to identify the lover, the associate was puzzled.
"All I know for sure is that it was a partner, I had to do all the work."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Decrypt hidden message
Have you heard the story of thHave you heard the story of the magic sandwich? Never mind, it's just a bunch of bologna.
The game is designed for all ages and stimulate children's creativity and reasoning.
Just because i appear to believeJust because i appear to believe your bullshit, It doesn't mean i'm as stupid as you think. I'm just laughing inside waiting to see what else you come up with.
You Might Be A Redneck If 35
You might be a redneck if...
You smoke during your deer hunt after scent-proofing yourself all month.
A tornado goes through your trailer's yard and makes it look neater.
You've got to shuck your toilet paper before you use it.
You have an autographed picture of Bob Barker in your wallet.
You think "Meals on Wheels" is another name for roadkill.
You shot your own 12 point coat rack.
You've been to the emergency room more than 3 times for mashing the wrong end of a thumb tack.
The number of times you've seen either Elvis or a UFO exceeds your I.Q.
Any of your neighbors has ever spent Halloween night at the bottom of a hole because you moved their outhouse back about four feet.
You've ever lost a dog to a bush hog.
Todd Barry: Book LightsThey sell book lights now, a little spotlight you attach to your book. You know, I actually thought about buying one of these, and then I remembered, I own a lamp.
After she woke up, a woman told her husband,
“I just had a dream that you gave me the most beautiful diamond necklace. What do you think it means?”
“You'll know tonight.” he said with a smile.
The woman could hardly think of anything else all day and she couldn't wait for her husband to return home.
That evening, the man finally came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it excitedly to find a book entitled…
“The Meaning of Dreams”
Peanut Butter Rooster
Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster with a jar of peanut butter?
A: A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.