Jokes of the day for Saturday, 30 April 2016
|Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 30 April 2016|
7 Things man do that upset women7 Things man do that upset women...
A man and woman got divorced a...A man and woman got divorced after about three years. The woman decided to find another man. She went out and dated several men, but could not find one who satsifed her in bed. So she decided to try a woman. She went to different places and bars trying to find someone.
Then she met this woman. They talked and hit it off ok. So they went home and went to bed together. After they had finished having sex the woman said, "You know that wasn't all that good."
The other woman rolled over and said, "That's OK, sugar. You weren't any better when we were married."
Funny video of the day - Best Fails of the Month April 2016
There once was an Indian who hThere once was an Indian who had only one testicle, and whose given name was Onestone. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!" The word got around and nobody called him that any more.Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone."He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.
Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away.Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone."Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!
What is the moral of this story?
You can't kill two birds with one stone!!
A tom cat and a tabby cat were courting on a back fence at night.
The tom leaned over to the tabby with pent up passion and purred... "I'll die for you"
The tabby gazed at him from under lowered eye lids and asked,
"How many times?".
Reptile Jokes 03
What do toads drink?
When is a car like a frog?
When it's becing toad!
Why do frogs have webbed feet?
To stamp out forest fires!
What happened when a frog joined the cricket team?
He bowled long hops!
What do you get if you cross a frog with a ferry?
What is worse than finding a maggot in your apple?
Finding half an apple!
What do frogs drink?
What do you get if cross a science fiction film with a toad?
What kind of shoes to frogs like?
Open toad sandals!
Replace asterisk symbols with ...
“The new restaurant o
“The new restaurant owner was told to invite a warehouse staff for lunch because he heard they have good pallets.”
A semi-crippled Libertarian came into a bar and with difficulty, hoisted his bad leg over the bar stool, pulled himself up and asked for a sip of whiskey.
He looked down the bar and asked, "Is that Jesus down there?"
The bartender nodded and the Libertarian told him to give Jesus a whiskey also.
The next patron was an ailing Republican with a hunched back who moved slowly.
He shuffled up to the barstool and asked for a glass of wine. He also looked down the bar and asked if that was Jesus.
The bartender nodded and the Republican said to give Him a glass of wine also.
The third patron, a Democrat, swaggered in and said "Barkeep, give me a cold beer.
Hey, is that Jesus down there?"
The barkeep nodded, and the Democrat told him to give Jesus a cold one too.
As Jesus got up to leave, he walked over and touched the Libertarian and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!"
The Libertarian felt the strength come back to his leg, and he got up and danced a jig all the way to the door.
Jesus touched the republican and said, "For your kindness you are healed!"
The Republican felt his back straighten. He danced with joy and did a flip.
As Jesus walked toward the Democrat, the Democrat jumped back and exclaimed, "Don't touch me, I'm drawing disability!"
A Twist on 'Oy Vey!'Q: Have you heard the new Jews for Jesus prayer?
A: Oy vey, Maria!
Bumper Stickers 17
"Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition."
"It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you."
"If you don't like the news, go out and make some."
"I Brake For No Apparent Reason."
"When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS."
"Sorry, I don't date outside my species."
"I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight!"
"No Radio - Already Stolen"
"Few women admit their age, Few men act it! "
"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!"
Religious battle golf #joke #humorThe Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. "Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match." The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.
"Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "we'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres... We can't lose!" Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play.
The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. "I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.
"Second?!!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres?!!"
"No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."