Jokes of the day for Sunday, 05 June 2016

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 05 June 2016
  • Currently 9.52/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (868)

Monday Lisa

Monday Lisa
#joke #short #monday
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 6.58/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (12)

Alexander Potter was a sports

Alexander Potter was a sports fan whose face was always either buried in the sports pages or transfixed by the television screen. One night as he lay in bed next to his wife watching a football game, she got up, walked across the room and unplugged the television set.
"Hey," Alex shouted, "what do you think you're doing?"
"I am sick of sports, and I'm sick of TV," his wife replied. "You haven't touched me in months. We're going to talk about sex right now!"
"Okay, Okay. So..." After a moment, he asked, "How often do you think Bryce Petty gets laid?"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

Funny video of the day - Secret Agents Drop Off Corpse

Secret Agents Drop Off Corpse - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Ammosaurus

Ammosaurus always shoots first and asks questions later.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

A devoted wife had spent her l...

A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.
When he came to senses, he motioned for her to come near him.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"
"What dear?" she asks gently.
"I think you bring me bad luck."
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (16)

Funny Photo of the day - NORTH PARK

NORTH PARK | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

The golfer and the funeral

A golfer and his buddies were playing a big round of golf for $200.

At the eighteenth green the golfer had a ten foot putt to win the round, and the $200.

As he was lining up his putt, a funeral procession started to pass by.

The golfer set down his putter, took his hat off, placed it over his chest, and waited for the funeral procession to pass.

After it passed, he picked up his putter and returned to lining up his putt, and completed it, thus winning the game and the money.

Afterwards, one of his buddies said, "That was the most touching thing I have ever seen.

I can't believe you stopped playing, possibly losing your concentration, to pay your respects."

"Well," said the golfer, "we were married for 25 years."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (16)

Animated GIF - Soccer referee rules

Soccer referee rules - Soccer referee rules - link to page gif is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

 Drink Coffee

Drink coffee do stupid things faster with more energy!!!! :) :) :P
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Calculate the number 897

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 897 using numbers [1, 2, 4, 5, 53, 209] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Slept on the floor

Michael Jackson claims that his partners would sleep in the bed, while he slept on the floor.

You know, it's the same arrangement the Clintons had.

--Jay Leno

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

“There were a bunch o

“There were a bunch of pillows at the store. I took one and my friend took the rest.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

According to a news report, a...

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night,the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man.... She explained that all these lip prints were causinga major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror. There are teachers, and then there are educators...
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 05 June 2015
  • Currently 9.15/10

Rating: 9.2/10 (59)

Funny Quotes from Gore

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."

-- Vice President Al Gore, 9/22/97


"For NASA, space is still a high priority."

-- Vice President Al Gore, 9/5/93


"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."

-- Vice President Al Gore


"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."

-- Vice President Al Gore, 9/15/95


"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

-- Vice President Al Gore


"[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system."

-- Vice President Al Gore


"We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made."

-- Vice President Al Gore


"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change."

-- Vice President Al Gore, 5/22/98


"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is 'to be prepared.'"

-- Vice President Al Gore, 12/6/93


"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."

-- Vice President Al Gore, 11/30/96


"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."

-- Vice President Al Gore


"The future will be better tomorrow."

-- Vice President Al Gore


"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world."

-- Vice President Al Gore, 9/21/97


"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."

-- Vice President Al Gore to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/93


"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a *part* of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a *part* of Europe."

-- Vice President Al Gore

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 05 June 2012
  • Currently 5.15/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (39)

The Advil Commandments

So Moses is up on Mount Sinai and he says to God, "God, do I have a pounding headache!"
And God says, "Here, take these two tablets."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 05 June 2011
  • Currently 5.69/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (32)

Contrary to popular belief the...

Contrary to popular belief the Lottery numbers are not random. They are just the number of people Chuck Norris killed that given day.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 05 June 2011
  • Currently 3.04/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (26)

William Wilson: Hot Brick Church

We just had an old brick church. Its like a barbeque pit, just hot -- HOT. Everybody in theres fanning. Old ladies got them old funeral parlor fans, they just fanning. Im sweating. And the preacher, If you dont straighten out, youre going to hell! Im like, Well, what is this? Practice?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 05 June 2011
  • Currently 5.70/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (20)

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