Jokes of the day for Monday, 06 June 2016

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 06 June 2016
  • Currently 9.51/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (1200)

A woman goes at the doctor: "D

A woman goes at the doctor: "Doc, please help me I've tried everything, but I can't get pregnant."
"It may be a hereditary problem! Did your mother have kids?"
#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 2.86/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (7)

“Whoever served up th

“Whoever served up the wine at that banquet did a pour job.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

Some freshwater fish ...

Some freshwater fish have a muskie odour.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

The big squeeze

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.

One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice " I'd like to try the bet" After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.

As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man "what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?"

The man replied "I work for the IRS."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

Funny Photo of the day - Mom sitting i the stroller in the bus looking at phone

Mom sitting i the stroller in the bus looking at phone - Kid is old enough to take care of himslef | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

 Connecticut Crazy Law


You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour.
In order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle, it must bounce.
It is illegal to dispose of used razor blades.
You cannot buy any alcohol after 8pm or on Sundays.
The marriage of imbeciles and feeble-minded persons is prohibited. (Repealed)
It is illegal to discharge a firearm from a public highway.
No one may use a white cane, unless they are blind.

Devon


It is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.

Guilford


Only white Christmas lights are allowed for display.

Hartford


You aren't allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands.
You may not educate dogs.
It is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday.

New Britain


It is illegal for fire trucks to exceed 25mph, even when going to a fire.

Southington


Silly string is banned.

Waterbury


It is illegal for any beautician to hum, whistle, or sing while working on a customer.

#joke #christmas
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

Animated GIF - How is life going so far

How is life going so far - How is life going so far - link to page gif is posted initially.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

big stuff

there was a girl who had the most sexy dick and tits there was a guy who had the most sexy dick and they got married naked showing there big stuff and there babys had big stuff 2

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 1.19/10

Rating: 1.2/10 (70)

Find the right combination

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

An elderly woman had just retu

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening ofChurch services when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.) The burglar stopped in his tracks.
The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yelling a scripture to you."
"Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an Ax and Two 38's!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 06 September 2015
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Chuck Norris is what Willis wa...

Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 06 June 2011
  • Currently 3.09/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (33)

Five Jewish Men

Five Jewish men influenced the history of Western civilization.
Moses said the law is everything.
Jesus said love is everything.
Marx said capital is everything.
Freud said sex is everything.
Einstein said everything is relative.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 06 June 2009
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (30)

Deserted island

Harry was shipwrecked on a deserted island. For several months, he longed for someone to talk to; searched the horizons for even the suggestion of a ship.

One day, his committment was rewarded: A beautiful woman was washed up onto the beach, floating on a large steamer trunk. Harry got her all settled, and fed, and dried off and they started talking.

April asked Harry, "what is something you've REALLY missed being out here on a desserted island for so long?"

"A clean shirt," was Harry's response. With a huff, April reached into the steamer trunk and tossed Harry a shirt.

April let out a short huff, but persevered: "Surely there's SOMETHING you've really missed out here...all alone...on an island with NOBODY all this time?"

"Oh wow, YEAH, there sure is: I'd REALLY like a dry pillow to sleep on."

April reached into her steamer trunk once again and tossed Harry a pillow; and she would not be put off. Striking her most alluring pose, she asked in her most provocative voice, "C'mon, Harry, wouldn't you like to play around?"

Harry got all excited and started jumping up and down. "Don't tell me you have a set of GOLF CLUBS in there, too?!???!?!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 06 June 2009
  • Currently 5.55/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (29)

Why Ask Why 01


Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
If nothing ever sticks to teflon, how do they make teflon stick to the pan?
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 06 June 2011
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (20)

Lightbulb Joke Collection 97


Q: How many procrastinators does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One--but he has to wait until the light is better.
Q: How many editors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but first they have to rewire the entire building.
Q: How many editors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two--one to change the bulb and one to issue a rejection slip to the old bulb.
Q: How many managing editors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: You were supposed to have changed that lightbulb last week!
Q: How many Conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. The invisible hand does it.
Q: How many Conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. "There is no need to change the lightbulb. All the conditions for illumination are in place. Recent surveys show growing confidence in the lightbulb lighting up again."
Q: How many Conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, because, look! It's getting brighter! It's definitely getting brighter!
Q: How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces would have already caused it to happen.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 06 June 2010
  • Currently 3.92/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (13)

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