Jokes of the day for Saturday, 18 June 2016

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 18 June 2016
  • Currently 9.56/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (840)

An American businessman was in

An American businessman was in Japan. He hired a local hooker and was going at it all night with her. She kept screaming "Fujifoo, Fugifoo!!!", which the guy took to be pleasurable...
The next day, he was golfing with his Japanese counterparts and he got a hole-in-one. Wanting to impress the clients, he said "Fujifoo". The Japanese clients looked confused and said, "No, you got the right hole."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Cannibals like to de l

Cannibals like to de leg ate.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

A man called to testify at the

A man called to testify at the Internal Revenue Service (IRS), asked his accountant for advice on what to wear.
"Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper," the accountant replied.
Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie."
Confused, the man went to his Priest, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma."Let me tell you a story," replied the Priest.
"A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel."
The man protested: "What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?!"
"Simple", replied the Priest...
"It doesn't matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed!"
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 8.56/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (16)

The proud papa...

An 80 year old man is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling.

"I've never been better," he replies. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant with my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But, one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So he's walking in the woods near a creek and suddenly spots a beaver in some brush in front of him? He raises up his umbrella, points it at the beaver and squeezes the handle...

*BAM* The beaver drops dead in front of him."

"That's impossible!" said the old man in disbelief, "Someone else must have shot that beaver."

"EXACTLY!"

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

 Knock Knock Collection 040


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Congo!
Congo who?
Congo out, I'm grounded!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Conyers!
Conyers who?
Conyers please open the door!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Cook!
Cook who?
Cuckoo yourself, I don't come here to be insulted!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Costa!
Costa who?
Costa lot!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Cozy!
Cozy who?
Cozy who's knocking!

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

An Amish girl

An Amish girl and her mother were driving their buggy one day in the winter, when the girl told her mom that her hands were cold. She said to put them between her legs, so she did.

The next day the girl and her boyfriend were riding in the buggy and he said to the girl that his hands were cold. The girl said to put them between her legs and he did.

The next day the girl and her boyfriend were riding in the buggy again and he told the girl that his nose was cold and she told him to put it between her legs, so he did.

The next day the girl and her boyfriend were riding in the buggy and he told her that his penis was frozen solid, so she told him to put it between her legs and he did.

The next day the girl was riding in the buggy with her mother and asked her if she knew what a penis was. She replied, "Yes, why?"

"Because they sure do make a mess when they thaw out."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

What can be opened but can't b...

What can be opened but can't be closed?
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Yo momma's so fat, when I sai

Yo momma's so fat, when I said I wanted "pigs in a blanket," she got back in bed.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

When someone says to me great minds think alike

When someone says to me great minds think alike, i just look at them and think “You dirty bastard”
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Minion Quotes - Despicable Me Minions is a website dedicated to minions. Have a good time reading minion quotes, funny quotes or entertain yourself playing minion games.
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

“This is what I like

“This is what I like about chiropractors. They always have your back.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

A Birthday Wish

Little Sonia was shouting her prayers. "Please God send me a new doll for my birthday."
Her mother, overhearing this, said, "Don't shout dear, God isn't deaf."
"No, but Grandad is, and he's in the next room," Sonia replied.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 18 June 2010
  • Currently 4.56/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (39)

Chuck Norris is the reason why...

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 18 June 2011
  • Currently 3.06/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (32)

I Want To Appeal A Case

Lawyer: "Judge, I wish to appeal my client’s case on the basis of newly discovered evidence."
Judge: "And what is the nature of the new evidence?"
Lawyer: "Judge, I discovered that my client still has $500 left."

#joke #short #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 18 June 2011
  • Currently 4.94/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (31)

Failed driving test

Q: Why did the blonde fail her driving test?

A: Because she was not used to being in the front seat.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 18 June 2009
  • Currently 3.97/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (31)

Surfing The Internet


Surfin' the Net

So I think I'm in the clear

the boss is no where in sight

I logon to the web and start to surf

and then my hair stands up with fright


the footsteps coming down the hall

are quickening in pace

there is no time to exit

no way to save my face


so I press the power button

and relax just a bit

there is no way he can tell

exactly what I hit


I act all surprised

don't know why my machine died

"simply unpredictable these

computers are!" I cried


"So we'll get you a new one

a computer that won't crash" he exclaims

Do you think he'll wonder

when the new one acts the same?





#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 18 June 2008
  • Currently 2.87/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (30)

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