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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 07 July 2016

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 07 July 2016

An old indian, Charlie Two Shi...

An old indian, Charlie Two Shirts, came rowing onto the dock on a lake. He tied his boat up and unloaded his fishing box that was full of fish.
The Game warden was standing there and said: "Charlie there aren't that many fish in this lake. How did you get those?"
Charlie said: "Oh it is an old Indian method. Come with me and I show you!"
The Game Warden got in the boat and Charlie rowed out to a spot. He opened his tackle box and got out a weighted stick of dynamite, lit the fuse and tossed it overboard. Moments later there was a muffled explosion from below and several fish came floating up.
The Game Warden said: "Charlie it's illegal to use dynamite for fishing. I can arrest your for that!"
Charlie reached into his tackle box again and pulled out another stick of dynamite. He lit the fuse and handed it to the Game Warden and said: "Are you gonna fish...or talk?"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 6.44/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (9)

What do you call a p...

“What do you call a piano built in Miami? The Florida Keys.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 6.15/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (13)

SLIDESHOW #120 - Funny Photo Slideshow

The reason there are so many p...

The reason there are so many problems between men and women is that they have such different views of sex and relationships.
Women want a relationship without the complication of unnecessary sex.
Men want sex without the complication of an unnecessary relationship.
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 6.88/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (16)

Funny video of the day - People Doing Crazy Things

People Doing Crazy Things - Talented People Caught on Camera Showing their Skills by zander brankzz - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

Whore Moan

How do you make a whore moan?

Don't pay her!

#joke #short
  • Currently 2.44/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (9)

Funny Photo of the day - No leash? No problem, I will take sweater!

No leash? No problem, I will take sweater! - Dog must go out! | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

Difference between hypothetical and reality

A little boy goes up to his father and asks: “Dad, what’s the difference between hypothetical and reality?”

The father replies, “Well son, I could give you the book definitions, but I feel it could be best to show you by example. Go upstairs and ask your mother if she’d have sex with the mailman for $500,000.”

The boy goes and asks his mother: “Mom, would you have sex with the mailman for $500,000?”

The mother replies, “Hell yes I would!”

The little boy returns to his father. “Dad, she said ‘Hell yes I would!’”

The father then says, “OK, now go and ask your older sister if she’d have sex with her principal for $500,000.”

The boy asks his sister, “Would you have sex with your principal for $500,000?”

The sister replies: “Hell yes I would!”

He returns to his father. “Dad, she said ‘Hell yes I would!’”

The father answers, “OK, son, here’s the deal: Hypothetically, we’re millionaires, but in reality, we’re just living with a couple of whores.”

#joke
  • Currently 6.85/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (13)

A Collection Of Insults

A brief synopsis... When you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection here at Aha! Jokes.


A few beans short of chili.
A few beers short of a six-pack / a six-pack short of a case.
A few birds shy of a flock.
A few blocks short of a filesystem.
A few bombs/melons short of a full load.
A few bricks short of a wall / hod / load / pile.
A few chips short of a cookie.
A few clowns short of a circus.
A few clues shy of a solution.
A few cold solder joints.
A few ears short of a bushel.
A few feathers short of a whole duck.
A few few cylinders short of a full re-format.
A few fish short of a string.
A few french fries / one hamburger short of a Happy Meal.
#joke #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 16 January 2016
  • Currently 1.80/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (5)

Animated GIF - Goodbye my villa

Goodbye my villa - Goodbye my villa - link to page gif is posted initially.
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

The maids revenge

Just after the maid had been fired. She took five bucks from her purse, she threw it to Fido, the family dog. When asked why by her former employer, she answered, "I never forget a friend. This was for helping me clean the dishes all the time!

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 04 August 2010
  • Currently 6.78/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (54)

Mitch Hedberg: Fore!

I never got a hole in one -- but I did hit a guy, and thats way more satisfying. Youre supposed to yell Fore, but I was too busy mumbling There aint no way thats gonna hit him.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 07 July 2011
  • Currently 4.74/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (46)

What she Really Means...

What she Really Means

I need = I want

We need = I want

It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now

Do whatever you want = You are going to pay for this later

We need to talk = I need to complain

Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to

I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I have a severe case of PMS

Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house

I want new curtains = I want new curtains, new carpeting, new furniture, new wallpaper...

I need new shoes = the other 40 pairs are simply the wrong shade

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive

How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really going to hate

I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead

Yes = No

No = No

Maybe = No

I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

I was wrong = Not as wrong as you

Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it

Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep

I'm not yelling! = Of course I'm yelling, this is important!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 07 July 2008
  • Currently 7.40/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (40)

Son : Mom, when I was on the b...

Son : Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.

Mom : Well, you have done the right thing.

Son : But Mom, I was sitting on Daddy's lap!
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 07 July 2009
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (40)

Lawyer Vacancy

There was a job opening in the country's most prestigious law firm and it finally comes down to Robert and Paul.

Both graduated magna cum laude from law school. Both come from good families. Both are equally attractive and well spoken. It's up to the senior partner to choose one, so he takes each aside and asks, "Why did you become a lawyer?"

In seconds, he chooses Paul.

Baffled, Robert takes Paul aside.

"I don't understand why I was rejected. When Mr. Armstrong asked me why I became a lawyer, I said that I had the greatest respect for the law, that I'd lay down my life for the Constitution and that all I wanted was to do right by my clients. What in the world did you tell him?"

"I said I became a lawyer because of my hands," Robert replies.

"Your hands? What do you mean?"

"Well, I took a look one day and there wasn't any money in either of them!"

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 07 July 2012
  • Currently 5.70/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (37)

Kangaroo + Leap Year =

What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with a calendar?

A leap year!

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 07 July 2013
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (30)

An amazing dog

There was this ad posted on the office window of an accounting firm :

"HELP wanted. Must be able to type 70 words per minute. Computer literacy is required. Must be bilingual. EQUAL EMPLOYER."

So there was this dog ambling outside the office. It noticed the ad and shuffled into the office to apply for the position. The employer took one look at the dog, shook his head and said "But I can't hire a dog."

The dog pointed at the words EQUAL EMPLOYER on the ad. So the employer said, "OK, can you first type this document?" and gave the dog a letter. The dog typed everything correctly and neatly without a mistake at a rate of 70 words per minute.

Flustered, the employer then said, "Then, can you put these figures into spreadsheet and make a program to feed it into the mainframe, process it in the General Ledger Module and give me the Balance Sheets and Profit and Loss Statement?" and gave the dog some documents. The dog completed the spreadsheet, the program, the Balance Sheet and the P/L statement promptly & correctly.

The employer shook his head, pointed at the ad and said, "But are you bilingual?"

The dog said "Meow!"

#joke
  • Currently 9.69/10

Rating: 9.7/10 (16)

Software Development Cycles

Software Development Cycles
1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.
3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren’t really bugs.
4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn’t work and discovers 15 new bugs.
5. Repeat three times steps 3 and 4.
6. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.
7. Users find 137 new bugs.
8. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.
9. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.
10. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.
11. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.
12. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch.
13. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free…
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

A woman from New York was driv...

A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.
The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a "Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!" so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills.
When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final "Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!" and rode off.
"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service-station attendant.
"Nothing," the woman answered. "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."
"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles".
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

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