Jokes of the day for Saturday, 17 September 2016

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 17 September 2016
  • Currently 9.53/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (997)

There are these two firemen in

There are these two firemen in a smoke filled room.
One of them is a*se screwing the crap out of the other one.
The chief walks in and says, "What in tarnation is going on in here?"
The one on top says, "Sir, I found him in here passed out from smoke inhalation!"
The chief said, "Then you should've tried mouth-to-mouth."
"I did!" exclaimed the fireman. "What the hell do you think got all this started!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 1.80/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (5)

Trump wants to deport Mexicans

Trump wants to deport Mexicans. He's going to rename the Sunshine State: aka Cull a foreigner.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.63/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (8)

Funny video of the day - Fails of the Week 3 September 2016

Fails of the Week 3 September 2016 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

A mother is cleaning her teena...

A mother is cleaning her teenage daughter's room when she finds a bondage magazine hidden under the bed. She shows it to her husband and asks him what he thinks they should do.
After flicking through the magazine her husband says, 'To be honest I'm not sure, but I don't think spanking her is going to help.'
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Expensive Barbie!

A man was driving home from work one evening when he suddenly realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't yet bought her a gift.

So, the man rushed off to the nearest toy store and asked the sales clerk, "How much is that Barbie in the window?"

The sales clerk replied in a condescending tone, "Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorce Barbie for $265.00."

The overwhelmed man asked, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 and all the others are only $19.95?"

"That's obvious!" said the sales clerk. "Divorce Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture..."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 6.85/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (13)

Funny Photo of the day - Robot-Made Pizza

Robot-Made Pizza - A robot places a pizza into an oven at Zume Pizza in Mountain View, California | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

“This small hoodie fi

“This small hoodie fits pretty great, it's just hard to pull off.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

Animated GIF - Ejection seat

Ejection seat - Ejection seat - link to page gif is posted initially.
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

Toilet Paper

A little old lady goes into the store to do some shopping. She is bewildered over the large selection of toilet paper.
"Pardon me, sir," she says to the store manager, "but can you explain the differences in all these toilet papers?"
"Well," he replies pointing out one brand, "this is as soft as a baby's kiss. It's $1.50 per roll."
He grabs another and says, "This is nice and soft as a bunny, strong but gentle, and it's $1.00 a roll."
Pointing to the bottom shelf he tells her, "We call that our No Name brand, and it's 20 cents per roll."
"Give me the No Name," she says.
She comes back about a week later, seeks out the manager and says, "Hey! I've got a name for your No Name toilet paper. I call it John Wayne."
"Why?" he asks.
"Because it's rough, it's tough and it don't take crap off anybody!"   

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 4.44/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (9)

Find the right combination

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Question And Answer

Q: What is the definition of an accountant?
A: Someone who solves a problem, you didn't know you had, in a way you don't understand.


Q: What does an accountant do for birth control?
A. He talks about his business.


Q: What is an extroverted accountant?
A: One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.


Q: What is an insolvency practitioner?
A: Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.


There are just three types of accountants:
Those who can count and those who can't.


Q: Why did the auditor cross the road?
A: Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year.


Q: How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.


Q: What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
A: Depreciation.


Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and an accountant?
A: The accountant knows he is boring.


Q: How was copper wire invented?
A: Two accountants were arguing over a penny.


Q: What's an auditor?
A: Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.


Q: When does a person decide to become an accountant?
A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.


Q: What's the definition of a good tax accountant?
A: Someone who has a loophole named after him.


Q: What's an extroverted accountant?
A: One who looks at your shoes while he's/she's talking to you instead of his/her own.


Accountants don't die, they just lose their balance.


Q: What's an accountant's idea of trashing his/her hotel room?
A: Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.


Q: What's a shy and retiring accountant?
A: An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's/she's retiring.


Q: What's an actuary?
A: An accountant without the sense of humor.


Q: Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries?
A: They find bookkeeping too exciting.


Q: What do actuaries do to liven up their office party?
A: Invite an accountant.


Q: What is GAAP (generally accepted accounting principles)?
A: The difference between accounting theory and practice.
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 20 January 2015
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

100 pound pig

Mike Mooney A Yankee was driving through the south when he decided he wanted to buy a pig. He stopped at a pig farm and told the farmer he wanted to buy a 100 pound pig.

The farmer nodded, walked out into the sty, bent over and picked up a pig by its tail with his teeth. The farmer said, "This one will go a little over a 100".

Astonished the Yankee said, "Who are you trying to fool? You can't weigh a pig that way".

The farmer laughed and called to his young son, "Boy, come over here and weigh that pig for this man".

The boy obliged by bending over and picking up the pig by its tail with his teeth. Turning to his father the boy said, " This here pig weighs about 100 pounds".

The Yankee was having no part of this so in order to convince him the farmer told his son to go to the house and get his mother so she could weigh the pig. After a short delay the son returned and said, "Ma says she will be right down after she's finished weighing the mailman".

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 17 September 2011
  • Currently 4.13/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (47)

A passenger in a taxi leaned o...

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 17 September 2010
  • Currently 7.39/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (33)

Eugene Mirman: If a Bear Attacks

Does anybody here know what to do if a bear attacks? A lot of people do think youre supposed to play dead, which is not what youre supposed to do. And the best thing about playing dead is -- thats like a rumor that bears spread.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 17 September 2011
  • Currently 5.18/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (33)

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