Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 28 September 2016

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 28 September 2016
  • Currently 9.55/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (1415)

Whom should i marry? Marry the one who…

Whom should i marry? Marry the one who…
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Minion Quotes - Despicable Me Minions is a website dedicated to minions. Have a good time reading minion quotes, funny quotes or entertain yourself playing minion games.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

This guy walks into a doctors

This guy walks into a doctors office and his head is big and orange. The doctor says, "Good god man, you've got a big orange head! How did this happen?"
Guy starts to tell his story: "Well doctor, the other day I was walking along the beach when I notice a piece of metal sticking out of the sand. I picked it up and it was a lamp. I brushed off the sand and *poof* out pops a genie who says he will grant me three wishes.
I say, 'Genie, for my first wish I want a bank account with 10 billion dollars'. Genie says *poof* and hands the me a card with a account number and routing number to a bank account with 10 billion dollars.
So then I said, 'Genie for my second wish I want to be married to the most beautiful woman in the world and I want her to be madly in love with me'.
All of a sudden *poof* -- I'm standing next to the most beautiful woman in the world, and in her hand she has a marriage certificate."
At this point in the story the guy turns to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I think this is the point where I went wrong. I turned to the genie and said, 'Genie for my third wish I want a big orange head!'"
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 2.41/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (22)

Funny video of the day - Amazing Jump Rope Skills

Amazing Jump Rope Skills - The girls from Sweden show that they really are very good at what they do. - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

If people are talking about yo...

If people are talking about you behind your back - then just fart.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

“A few boxers were st

“A few boxers were standing in a line. That's the punch line!”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Funny Photo of the day - Drum Set Chandelier

Drum Set Chandelier - If your child Wants to Play the Drums | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

The Karate Kid came up with an

The Karate Kid came up with an elaborate plan to obtain large quantities of tender beef. He was very Macchio Vealian that way.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Animated GIF - Good Night - Spot the Difference

Good Night - Spot the Difference - Good Night - Spot the Difference - link to page gif is posted initially.
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

Random Thoughts

If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Phillip's Screwdriver?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

When someone asks you, 'A penny for your thoughts,' and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?

If you take an Oriental person and spin them around several times,do they become disoriented?

If people from Poland are called 'Poles,'why aren't people from Holland called 'Holes?'

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

CINEMANIA: Guess the movie title

See negative of movie scene and guess the title. Length of words in solution: 9
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

 Fighting Irish Humor


McNally was taking his first plane ride, flying over the Rocky Mountains. The stewardess handed him a piece of chewing gum. "It's to keep your ears from popping at high altitudes," she explains.
When the plane landed McNally rushed up to her. "Miss," he said,
"I'm meetin' me wife right away. How do I get the gum out of me ears?"
Shamrock
Kelly was standing in front of Cohan's Tavern when he saw a driverless car rolling slowly down the street. He ran to the car, jumped in, and pulled on the emergency brake with a jerk.
Kelly got out and very proudly said to the man approaching him, "I stopped it!"
"I know, you idiot!" said the man. "I was pushing it!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Beautiful Daughter

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests . . . I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge alive!"
As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could and screaming out of fear. The crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking as though he was running for his life. Finally, he made it to the other side with only a torn shirt and some minor injuries. The millionaire was impressed.
He said, "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?"
The guy says, "Listen, I don't want your money, nor do I want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that water!"  

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

I am passing this on to you be

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me, and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace.
Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So, I looked around my house to see things I started, and hadn't finished; and, before leaving the house this morning, Ifinished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreo's, a pot of coffee, the rest of the Cheesecake, some Saltines, and a box ofGodiva Chocolates.
You have no idea how freaking good I feel.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 25 January 2016
  • Currently 8.73/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (11)

One wish

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish."

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish. A wish you think would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing,' and how I can make a woman truly happy."

After a few minutes, God said, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 28 September 2015
  • Currently 8.69/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (52)

Chuck Norris' first job was as...

Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 28 September 2011
  • Currently 3.57/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (35)

Jordan Rubin: New Cell Phone

You ever get a new cell phone and youre too lazy to transfer all the numbers over, so you just stop being friends with a bunch of people?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 28 September 2011
  • Currently 4.81/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (32)

Douche

Have you heard about the new types of douche on the market?

There is aloe vera scented, peach flavor, and chicken flavor.

The aloe vera is to tighten it up for the penis.

The peach is sweeter for the eater.

And the chicken is finger lickin' good.

Submitted by Curtis

Editted by Tantilazing

Reniewed by Calamjo

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 28 September 2011
  • Currently 3.45/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (29)

Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a...

Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper. After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room. Bill said to Jim and Scott, let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way. At the 26th floor Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories. "I will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in the car!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 28 September 2010
  • Currently 5.77/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (26)

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