Jokes of the day for Thursday, 06 October 2016

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 06 October 2016
  • Currently 9.54/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (1606)

Two retired professors were va

Two retired professors were vacationing with their wives at a hotel in the Catskills. They were sitting in rocking chairs on the veranda one summer evening, watching the sun set.
The history professor asked the psychology professor, "Have you read Marx?"
To which the professor of psychology replied, "Yes, and I think it's these pesky wicker chairs."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

I think there are ab...

“I think there are about 1-2 million baseball fields in the world, but that's just a ballpark number.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

How does the Syrian president

How does the Syrian president live with himself? He must look in the mirror and say  'I'm Assad fellow. But everything's gonna be Alawite.'
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

An Alabama preacher said to hi...

An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.
This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate.
I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness From God and this Christian Family."
No one moved.
The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."
Again all was quiet.
Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding.I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."
The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared!
#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 8.90/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (21)

Tender Missionary...

Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, "You know, I just can't seem to get a tender Missionary. I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've tried every sort of marinade. I just can't seem to get them tender."

The second cannibal asks, "What kind of Missionary do you use?"

The other replied, "You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around the waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads."

"Ah, ah!" the second cannibal replies. "No wonder...those are friars!"

#joke
Joke | Source: http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

 Light Bulb Lawyers


Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A0: Three; one to do it and two to sue him for malpractice.
A1: It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb.
A2: You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you're looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb...
A3: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being non-negotiable.
2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.
3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.
NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "Partnership."


Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 09 July 2016
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

CINEMANIA: Guess the movie title

See negative of movie scene and guess the title. Length of words in solution: 4,4,1,4,2,3,4
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Nuns Confessional

Four nuns are standing in line for confession. The first nun goes into the confessional and says bless me father for I have sinned I touched a man’s private parts.

The priest asks, "What part of your body did you use?"

The nun replies, "My right hand."

The priest tells her to dip her right hand in holy water say 10 hail Mary’s and all will be forgiven.

The second nun goes into the confessional and says, "Bless me father for I have sinned I touched a mans private parts."

The priest asks, "What part of your body did you use?"

The nun replies, "My left hand." The priest tells her to dip her left hand in the holy water say 10 hail Mary’s and all will be forgiven.

Well, this leaves the third and fourth nun standing in line. The fourth nun taps the third nun on the shoulder and asks, "Would you mind if I went first?"

The third nun says, "Sure I don't care, but would mind telling me why?"

The fourth nun replies, "Well, I would like to drink the water before you have to sit in it!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 06 October 2010
  • Currently 6.80/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (25)

puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Mommy Mommy 13


Mommy, Mommy! I like my brother very much.
All right, you can take another slice.


Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to empty the compost heap.
Shut up and keep eating.


Mommy, Mommy! I don't like fishing.
Shut up and stop squirming.


Mommy, Mommy! Suzi got run over by a steamroller.
Shut up. I'm in the bathroom, slide her under the door.
[Alt answer] Shut up and get the maple syrup.


"Come upstairs, son, like a good boy."
"No, Mommy, you'll only throw me down again."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 06 October 2011
  • Currently 3.77/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (22)

We live in an expanding univer...

We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 06 October 2011
  • Currently 3.73/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (22)

Two Old Drunks

Two old drunks are sitting in a bar when the first one says, "Ya know, when I was thirty and got an erection, I couldn't bend it, even using both hands.
By the time I was forty, I could bend it about ten degrees if I tried really hard.
By the time I was fifty, I could bend it about forty five degrees, no problem.
I'm gonna be sixty next week, and now I can bend it in half with just one hand."
"So," says the second drunk, "what's your point?"
"Well, I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 06 October 2010
  • Currently 7.37/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (19)

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