Jokes of the day for Saturday, 31 December 2016

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 31 December 2016
  • Currently 9.56/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (1262)

My girlfriend's belief i

My girlfriend's belief in astrology taurus apart.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

I've noticed the strangest th...

I've noticed the strangest thing about men who hang out in bars alot.
It seems they have only one of two reasons to be there: They have nowife to go home to... or they do.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

New Year's resolution

People keep talking about their New Year's resolution.

I use 1080p

#joke #short #newyear
Joke | Source: Reddit Jokes: Get Your Funny On! - The funniest sub on reddit. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts!
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

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New Year's resolutions

My wife still hasn't told me what my New Year's resolutions are.

#joke #short #newyear
Joke | Source: Hand picked jokes - Daily Jokes hand picked from various locations
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Funny Photo of the day - This New Year will be different!

This New Year will be different! | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

Top 10 New Years Resolutions for Men and Women

Top 10 Resolutions for Men

 

10. Find out why all my clothes have shrank. Again.

9. Read that book, “Stop Procrastinating” that I bought three years ago.

8.  Figure out why supermodels don’t want to date plain, bald men as the media has led me to believe.

7. Prepare for the zombie apocalypse.

6. Prepare for dating supermodels in the zombie apocalypse (it could happen, right?)

5. Vamp up that eHarmony profile with some spiffy pics of ex-girlfriends half cut off in every profile picture. That’s attractive, right?

4. Mention in eHarmony how I’m a great date and can zap a zombie.

3. Stock up on beer.

2. Stock up on condoms just in case!

1. Get a job.

 

Top 10 New Year’s Resolutions for Women

 

10. Get some better outfits.

9. Hit the gym for real this year.

8. Diet.

7. Cut back on lattes.

6. Take charge.

5. Travel more!

4. Believe in myself.

3. Wear all the shoes I have bought!

2. Screen the freaks on my online dating profile.

1. Stop dating losers who are obsessed with zombies on eHarmony.

#joke #newyear #beer
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Animated GIF - Happy New Year

Happy New Year - Happy New Year - link to page gif is posted initially.
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

“I used to work at a

“I used to work at a hospital, but I got sick of it.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Look carefully the picture a...

Look carefully the picture and guess the game name.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

 Business One-liners 35


The "think positive" leader tends to listen to his subordinate's premonitions only during the postmortems.
The amount of flak received on any subject is inversely proportional to the subject's true value.
The average man's judgement is so poor, he runs a risk every time he uses it.
The bag that breaks is the one with the eggs.
The best laid plans of mice and men are all filed away somewhere.
The best laid plans of mice and men are usually equal.
The best photos are generally attempted through the lens cap.
The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.
The best way to make a fire with two sticks is to make sure one of them is a match.
The best way to realise your dreams is to wake up.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

Chicamote handmade accessories
http://www.chicamote.com/

As in many homes on New Year'

As in many homes on New Year's Day, Janet and Nigel, a happily married couple, faced the annual conflict of which was more important: the football match on television, or the lunch itself.
Hoping to keep the peace Nigel ate lunch with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-lunch chat before retiring to the lounge to turn on the television.
Some minutes later, Janet looked in to see how he was and graciously even bought a cold beer for Nigel. She smiled, kissed him on the cheek and asked what the score was. Nigel told her it was half time and that the score was still 0-0.
"See?" Janet said happily, "You didn't miss a thing."
#joke #newyear #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 31 December 2015
  • Currently 1.80/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (5)

Honey, has anyone ever told you....

After the party, as the couple was driving home, the woman asks her husband, "Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to women you are?"

The flattered husband said, "No, dear they haven't."

The wife yells, "Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the party tonight?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 27 December 2015
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

A frog walks into a bank. He g...

A frog walks into a bank. He goes to the only open teller, and sees that her name is Paddy Whack. "Hey, listen" says the frog. "I really need a loan! I'm out of work, and my wife and tadpoles are at home starving! I need money so I can feed them and provide for them!"

Now Paddy feels very sorry for the poor frog and asks him if he has any collateral. He holds up a small glass elephant. Paddy is a little surprised by this, and quite unsure, but she feels so sorry for the the poor frog that she takes the elephant to her manager. "Mr. Manager, sir," Paddy begins "there is a frog out there who deperately needs a loan. He's out of work and he has a wife and tadpoles who are at home starving. He needs some money so he can provide for them! But all he has for collateral is this little glass elephant. What should I do?"

Well, Mr. Manager takes a good hard look at that elephant, thinks about it a little, and then replies, "It's a knick-knack, Paddy Whack, give the frog a loan!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 31 December 2009
  • Currently 5.42/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (64)

Chuck Norris destroyed the per...

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 31 December 2011
  • Currently 6.41/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (22)

Three Guys In A Bar...

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your grandma's the best sex in town!" Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end.

Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your grandma, and it was suh-weeeet!" Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar.

Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "And your grandma liked it!!"

Finally the guy interrupts ..."Go home, Grandpa, you're drunk."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 31 December 2010
  • Currently 4.05/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (20)

Problem With Women

"Doc," said the young man lying down on the couch, "You've got to help me! Every night I have the same horrible dream. I'm lying in bed when all of a sudden five women rush in and start tearing off my clothes."
The psychiatrist nodded, "And what do you do?"
"I push them away!"
"I see. And what can I do to help you with this?"
The patient implored, "Please--break my arms!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 31 December 2009
  • Currently 6.63/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (19)

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