Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 04 January 2017

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 04 January 2017
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Rating: 9.5/10 (1794)

Happy New Year 2021!! Happy New Year 2021

“What do you call it

“What do you call it when cafe customers complain about their coffee? A brouhaha.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

An elderly Jewish couple were

An elderly Jewish couple were going out to dinner. The woman comes out of the bedroom and says to her husband, "Darling, do you want me to wear this Chanel suit or this St. John?"
"Whichever you want", he replied.
The woman comes out of the bedroom again and says to her husband, "Darling, shall I wear my Cartier watch or my Rolex?"
"Whatever you think looks best," says the husband.
The woman comes out of the bedroom yet again and says to her husband, "Darling, shall I wear my 5 carat pear or my 6 caret round diamond?"
"Either one", he says, "but if you don't finish soon, we're going to miss the early bird special."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 1.57/10

Rating: 1.6/10 (7)

Witch doctor weather...

A film crew is on location in Kenya, when a tribal shaman approaches the director and says, "Tomorrow rain." The director pays no attention, but the following day it pours and shooting has to be delayed.

That night, the director sends his assistant to bring the shaman back. "What will be the weather tomorrow?" asks the director.

"Bigger rain tomorrow, much wind," and sure enough a terrible storm once again delays the filming.

But then the witch doctor disappears for a week and the director, now depending on him, sends his people out to find him and bring him back to camp.

Finally, he is located and brought to the director's tent. "What will be the weather tomorrow?" asks the director in desperation.

"No idea," says the shaman, "Radio batteries dead."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

 The Story Of The Bats


Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood."
"We're new here," says the second one. "It's dark out, and we don't know where to look. We'd better wait until the other bats go with us."
The first bat replies, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere." He flies out of the cave.
When he returns, he is covered with blood.
The second bat says excitedly, "Where did you get the blood?"
The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, "See that black building over there?"
"Yes," the other bat answers.
"Well," says the first bat, "I didn't."

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
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Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Funny Photo of the day - Masha and the bear

Masha and the bear - Photographed in the wild | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
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Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

While out on the town, the win

While out on the town, the wine lover had diarrhea and chardonnay cab.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

When the wise company presiden...

When the wise company president learned that his employees were tanking upon no-trace vodka martinis during their lunch hours, he issued the following memo:
To all employees; If you must drink during you lunch hours, please drink whiskey. It is better for our customers to know you're drunk than to think you're stupid.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 01 November 2015
  • Currently 8.36/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (14)

Can you replace the question mark with a number?

MATH PUZZLE: Can you replace the question mark with a number?
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

A young man wanted to get his ...

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone.
The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi hun," he says "how do you like your new phone?"
She replies "I just love, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though."
"What's that, baby?" asks the husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal- Mart?"
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 04 January 2010
  • Currently 5.05/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (57)

Mr. Johnson was overweight, so...

Mr. Johnson was overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.

He said, “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least five pounds.”

When Mr. Johnson returned, he shocked the doctor by having dropped almost twenty pounds.

“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor told him. “You did this just by following my instructions?”

The slimmed down Mr. Johnson nodded. “I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”

“From hunger, you mean.”

“No,” replied Mr. Johnson, “from skipping.”
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 04 January 2012
  • Currently 7.21/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (29)

Leaves of the Book

A little boy opened the big Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found!" the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?"
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 04 January 2011
  • Currently 5.62/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (29)

Industrial logging isn't the c...

Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 04 January 2012
  • Currently 3.72/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (29)

Reasons Why The English Language Is Hard To Learn

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 04 January 2009
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