Jokes of the day for Thursday, 05 January 2017

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 05 January 2017
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 Atoms And A Buddhist


Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!"
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication!

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
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Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

“There are two skelet

“There are two skeleton teachers at school. One is humerus, but the other is very sternum.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
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Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

Dr. Kerby was very tired so he

Dr. Kerby was very tired so he got his wife to answer the phone by the bed, say he was out, and give advice which he whispered to her.
"Thank you very much, Mrs. Kerby," said the patient who called, "but I whould like to ask you one thing. Is that gentleman who seems to be in bed with you fully qualified?"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Sibling lessons

Charlie was playing with his little brother Mickey when the little boy asked whether he could fly like Superman.

"Sure you can, Mickey," Charlie said, "Just flap your arms really *really* hard."

So Mickey climbed up on the windowsill, started flapping like mad, jumped, then smashed into the ground two stories below.

Horrified, their mother came screaming into the room and said, "What the heck happened?!?"

Charlie said, "I was just teaching Mickey not to believe everything someone tells him."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
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Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Funny Photo of the day - Eleven pickles

Eleven pickles - Can you fit more? | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
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Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

The ancient Buy-balone

The ancient Buy-baloneyians loved processed meats.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Animated GIF - Oh snap!

Oh snap! - Oh snap! - link to page gif is posted initially.
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

When the wise company presiden...

When the wise company president learned that his employees were tanking upon no-trace vodka martinis during their lunch hours, he issued the following memo:
To all employees; If you must drink during you lunch hours, please drink whiskey. It is better for our customers to know you're drunk than to think you're stupid.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 01 November 2015
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Calculate the number 905

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 905 using numbers [7, 2, 4, 3, 46, 820] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

A magician was working on a cr...

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician does in every trick.
Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show: Look, it's not the same hat. Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table! Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was the captain's parrot after all. One day the ship had an accident and sunk. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, with the parrot of course. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day, and another, and another.
After a week the parrot finally said: OK. I give up. What'd you do with the boat ?
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 05 January 2010
  • Currently 6.02/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (54)

A Prayer Upon Waking

Dear God, so far today, I've done all right. I haven't gossiped, and I haven't lost my temper.
I haven't been grumpy, nasty or selfish, and I'm really glad of that!
But in a few minutes, God, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on, I'm probably going to need a lot of help.
Thank you! Amen.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 05 January 2010
  • Currently 6.11/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (27)

A mother and her young inquisi...

A mother and her young inquisitive son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago.

The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?"

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer), told her son to ask the flight attendant.

So the boy dutifully asked the flight attendant, "If dogs have baby dogs, and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?"

The flight attendant responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?"

The little boy admitted that she did.

"Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Now, let your mother explain that to you."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 05 January 2011
  • Currently 6.62/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (26)

window seat

A blonde is going to London on a plane; how can you steal his window seat?

Tell him all seats going to London are in the middle row.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 05 January 2012
  • Currently 4.95/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (19)

Superman wears Chuck Norris pa...

Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 05 January 2012
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