Jokes of the day for Saturday, 21 January 2017

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 21 January 2017
  • Currently 9.52/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (1163)

A Great Salesman

A man named Donald bought a horse from a farmer for $250. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up to Donald's house and said, “Sorry, son, but I have some bad news. The horse died.”
Donald replied, “Well, then just give me back my money.”
The farmer said, “Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.”
Donald said, “Ok, then just bring me the dead horse.”
The farmer asked, “What ya gonna do with him?”
Donald said, “I’m going to raffle him off.”
The farmer said, “You can’t raffle off a dead horse!”
Donald said, “Sure I can! Watch me.
A month Later, the farmer met up with Donald and asked, “What happened with that dead horse?”
Donald said, “I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at five dollars apiece and made a profit of $2495.”
The farmer said, “Didn’t anyone complain?”
Donald said, “Just the guy who won. So I gave him back his five dollars.”
Donald is moving into the White House later this month.

#joke
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 6.15/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (27)

A little boy came down for bre...

A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, "Where's Mom and dad?" and she replied, "They're up in bed."
The little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play. Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma, "Where's Mom and Dad?" and she replied, "They're still up in bed."
Again the little boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went out to play. Then the little boy came in for dinner and once again he asked his grandma, "Where's Mom and dad?" and his grandmother replied, "They're still up in bed."
The little boy started to laugh and his grandmother asked, "What gives? Every time I tell you they're still up in bed you start to laugh! What is going on here?"
The little boy replied, "Well, last night daddy came into my bedroom and asked me for the Vaseline and I gave him super glue."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 6.44/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (9)

Funny video of the day - Fails of the Week - Better Luck Next Time (January 2017)

Fails of the Week - Better Luck Next Time (January 2017) - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

Emergency landing...

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards."

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

 Fish Jokes 06


Why are gold fish orange?

The water makes them rusty!

Who held the baby octopus to ransome?

Squidnappers!

What part of a fish weighs the most?

It's scales!

What fish do road-menders use?

Pneumatic krill!

What happens when sharks take their clothes off?

They go sharkers!

What game do fish like playing the most?

Name that tuna!

What do naked fish play with?

Bare-a-cudas!

What do you get if you cross a big fish with an electricity pylon?

An electric shark!

Who sleeps at the bottom of the sea?

Jack the kipper!

What is a dolphin's favorite TV show?

Whale of fortune!


#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Funny Photo of the day - The largest cowboy boots

The largest cowboy boots - The largest cowboy boots measure 10.74m (35 ft 3 in) in height and were created by Bob Wade, 72 of Texas, where everything is bigger | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 9.17/10

Rating: 9.2/10 (6)

A man wakes up one morning to...

A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers."
He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.
"What are you going to do," the homeowner asks?
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."
He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.
"If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 8.68/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (38)

Animated GIF - What is this, human?

What is this, human? - What is this, human? - link to page gif is posted initially.
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

Doctor: We need to get these p

Doctor: We need to get these people to a hospital!
Nurse: What is it?
Doctor: It's a big building with a lot of doctors, but that's not important now!
#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

Find the 8 letters word

Find the 8 letters word. Word may go in all 8 directions.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Australian beer-brew...

“Australian beer-brewers use kangaroo hops.”

#joke #short #beer
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

The Great Nun Escape

During a fire at a convent, a group of nuns are trapped on the third floor. Thinking quickly, they took off their habits, tied them together and used them as a rope to climb down from the window.After safely reaching the ground, a reporter asks, “Weren’t you worried that the habits would have ripped as you were climbing down? They look old and worn.”“Of course not!” said one of the nuns. “Don’t you know how hard it is to break an old habit?”
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 7.33/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (12)

Church Sign Chuckles

Some favorite messages spotted on church signs or billboards, submitted by Beliefnet members:
-Fire Insurance Inside
-This Church Is Prayer Conditioned
-God Answers Knee Mail
-PRAY NOW! Avoid Christmas Rush!
-Sign broken, come inside for message
-This is a ch--ch. What's missing? U R!
-Stop in the name of love and meet the Supreme
-Wal-Mart's not the only savings place
-The best position is on your knees!

#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 21 January 2010
  • Currently 5.93/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (28)

More Hilarious Al Gore Quotes And Blunders


"I am not part of the problem. I am a Democrat."
-- Vice President Al Gore


"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
-- Vice President Al Gore


"Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it."
-- Vice President Al Gore, 5/20/996


"Democrats understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
-- Vice President Al Gore


"Welcome to President Clinton, Mrs. Clinton, and my fellow astronauts."
-- Vice President Al Gore


"Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
-- Vice President Al Gore


"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."
-- Vice President Al Gore


"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have tremendous impact on history."
-- Vice President Al Gore
(Ed note. Hmmmm, anyone in particular come to mind?)


"When I have been asked who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame."
-- Al Gore


"The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Al Gore may or may not make."
-- Vice President Al Gore

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 21 January 2010
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (27)

JB Smoove: Sound System

I did a club one night -- the speakers were old as hell. My jokes were coming out in black and white.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 21 January 2012
  • Currently 2.77/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (22)

Super Sex!!!

A woman, completely fed up with her husband's on-line obsession, finally takes matters into her own hands.

One night, as he is sitting at the computer, she goes into the bedroom, takes off all her clothes, puts on a full length mink coat, and posts herself between her husband and the monitor.

She pulls open the coat and yells, "Time for Super Sex!!!"

He ignores her.

So, she repeatedly yells, "Super Sex", "Super Sex", "Super Sex".

Finally, he replies, "Ok, Ok, I'll take the soup".

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 21 January 2016
  • Currently 8.08/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (12)

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