Jokes of the day for Monday, 13 February 2017

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 13 February 2017
  • Currently 9.54/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (1631)

And She Said – For Valentines

#joke
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

“Instead of being rew

“Instead of being rewarded for his invention, Dr. Guillotine was charged with neckless endangerment.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Mr. Jones is driving past the

Mr. Jones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat. While he is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which he was keeping the lug nuts. The nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain.
He is at a loss for what to do and is about to go call a cab when he hears a shout from behind the hospital fence, where one of the inmates has been watching the whole thing.
"Hey, pal! Why don't you just take one lug nut off each of the other three wheels and use them to replace the missing ones? That'll hold your tires on until you can get to a garage or something."
Mr. Jones is startled by the patient's seeming rationality, but realizes the plan will work, and installs the spare tire without incident. Before he leaves, he calls back to the patient. "You know, that was pretty sharp thinking. Why do they have you in there?"
The patient smiles and says, "I'm in here because I'm crazy, not because I'm stupid."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

Google Ads

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SICKNESS
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DEATH
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From,

THE MANAGEMENT

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

Funny Photo of the day - It was close

It was close - Bad champagne pouring skills, or head just moved? | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

 Bought A Bad Computer


Top Ten Signs You Bought A Bad Computer

  1. Lower corner of screen has the words "Etch-a-sketch" on it.
  2. It's celebrity spokesman is that "Hey Vern!" guy.
  3. In order to start it you need some jumper cables and a friend's car.
  4. It's slogan is "Pentium: redefining mathematics".
  5. The "quick reference" manual is 120 pages long.
  6. Whenever you turn it on, all the dogs in your neighborhood start howling.
    The screen often displays the message, "Ain't it break time yet?"
    The manual contains only one sentence: "Good Luck!"
    The only chip inside is a Dorito.
    You've decided that your computer is an excellent addition to your fabulous paperweight collection.


#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

An Unusual Nativity

A religious education class was almost finished making their models of the nativity scene and one little boy had done a lovely job. Some animals, Mary, Joseph, three wise men, and shepherds were all there. However, the teacher noticed an extra, rather overweight man in the scene as well.“Who is that person?” she asked.“Oh, that’s Round John Virgin.”
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Which is a winning combination of digits?

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Everything you eat tastes like

Everything you eat tastes like licorice? Talk about anise problem to have.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Chicamote handmade accessories
http://www.chicamote.com/

...your sweetie says, "Lets go

...your sweetie says, "Lets go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"
...your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you'rebarefoot.
...a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garagedoor nearest your car.
...you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.
...going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
...you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don'thave to go along.
...when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
...when you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by thepolice.
..."getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.
..."getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
... an "all nighter" means not getting up to pee!
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

"If you put your hand in your

"If you put your hand in your right pocket and found 25 rupees, and put your hand in the left pocket and found 50 rupees, what would you do?"
"I would immediately rush to my tailor and ask him to stitch more pockets on my trousers!"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Burglar and an Elderly Woman

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.)
The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you."
"Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an ax and two 38's!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 13 February 2009
  • Currently 4.48/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (31)

Several cannibals were recentl...

Several cannibals were recently hired by Talk America.

"You are all part of our team now," said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any of the other employees."

The cannibals promised to be good. Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard, and I'm satisfied with you. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals all shook their heads no.

After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?"

A hand raised hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals continued, "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Managers and no one noticed anything, but noooooo, you had to go and eat the secretary!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 13 February 2011
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (14)

A police officer was investiga...

A police officer was investigating an accident on a two-lane, narrow road in which the drivers had hit virtually head-on.

One driver, an extremely elderly woman, kept repeating, "He wouldn't let me have my half of the road!"

After gathering as much information as possible, he angrily approached the other driver, who was examining his own damage. The police officer asked, "That old lady says that you wouldn't let her have her half of the road. Why not?

In exasperation, the man turns from his smashed car and says, "Officer, I would have been HAPPY to give her half of the road --- if she had just let me know WHICH half she wanted!!!!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 13 February 2010
  • Currently 5.86/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (14)

Playing Solitaire

A blonde got a deck of playing cards as a gift but she

couldn't find anyone to play solitaire with.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 13 February 2014
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (13)

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