Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 07 March 2017

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 07 March 2017
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Rating: 9.5/10 (2103)

Happy New Year 2021!! Happy New Year 2021

At the Doctor's

The nurse asked a patient to remove his clothing and put on a gown to be checked by the doctor.
'In front of you?' He asks shyly.
The nurse says: 'Well no, but I've seen the naked human body before. The man said, 'Not one like mine. You'd die laughing at my naked body.'
'Of course I won't laugh,' said the Nurse to the patient, 'I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.'
'Okay then,' said the patient, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing a huge male body with the smallest adult male organ the Nurse had ever seen in her life. In length and girth it was almost identical to a AAA battery.
Unable to control herself, the Nurse tried to stop a giggle, but it just came out.
And then she started laughing at the fact that she was laughing. Feeling very badly that she had laughed at the man's private part, she composed herself as well as she could.
'I am so sorry,' she said, 'I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a Nurse and a lady, I promise that it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?'
'It's swollen,' Bob replied.
..........She ran out of the room.

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

“I got this new chaps

“I got this new chapstick the other day. It's the balm!”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

"You were speaking much too lo

"You were speaking much too long on the phone just now, Miss Ponsonby," said Mr.Jones.
"But it was a business call, Mr. Jones."
"Well, please don't address our clients as 'sweetikins' in the future."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 1.80/10

Rating: 1.8/10 (5)

Adam and Eve...

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands.... When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.

"You're running around with other women," she told her mate.

"Eve, honey, you're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You know you're the only woman on earth."

The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by a strange pain in the chest. It was his darling Eve poking him rather vigorously about the torso.

"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.

"Counting your ribs," said Eve.

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

Funny Photo of the day - Pineapple haircut

Pineapple haircut - While drinking Pineapple juice | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

 Good To Be French


Top reasons why it's great to be French

  1. Yet to experience the joy of winning the world cup for the first time
  2. You get to eat insect food like snails and frog's legs
  3. If there's a war you can surrender really early
  4. You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on Channel 4.
  5. You can test your own nuclear weapons in other people's countries
  6. You can be ugly and still become a famous film star
  7. Allow Germans to march up and down your most famous street humiliating your sense of national pride
  8. People think you're a great lover even when you're not


#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 2.86/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (7)

White hair

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

white hair

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"     

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 6.27/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (11)

MAGIC SQUARE: Calculate A*B*C

The aim is to place the some numbers from the list (10, 17, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 33, 36, 37, 49) into the empty squares and squares marked with A, B an C. Sum of each row and column should be equal. All the numbers of the magic square must be different. Find values for A, B, and C. Solution is A*B*C.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Immaculate Miracle?

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"The mother says, "It's my daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight, and she is sick most mornings." The doctor gives Debbie a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Debbie is pregnant--about four months would be my guess."The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never been left alone with a man! Have you, Debbie?" Debbie says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!" The doctor walked over to the window and stared outside. About five minutes passed before the mother said, "Is there something wrong out there, doctor?" The doctor replied, "No, not at it. It's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I'm not going to miss it this time around!"
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 7.39/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (33)

Most paparazzi are sta

Most paparazzi are star-craving mad.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

A kid asked his mother, “Mom

A kid asked his mother, “Mom, can you buy me those two toys that we had seen at the store the other day?”
His mother replied, “I will buy you one of them. One is enough to keep you busy at playtime.”
Later that day, the kid started doing his homework. The mother said, “Remember that you have two activities as homework today.”
The kid replied, “I will do one of them. One is enough to keep me busy at study time.”
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

The old man in his mid-eightie...

The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat. His wife, seeing the unexpected behaviour, asks,"Where are you going?"
He replies, "I'm going to the doctor."
She says, "Why, are you sick?"
He says, "Nope, I'm going to get me some of that Viagra stuff."
Immediately the wife starts working and positioning herself to get out of her rocker and begins to put on her coat.
He says, "Where the hell are you going"?
She answers, "I'm going to the doctor, too."
He says, "Why, what do you need?"
She says, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm getting a tetanus shot."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 7.91/10

Rating: 7.9/10 (11)

B.J. Novak: Learned Nothing in College

I learned nothing in college. It was really kind of my own fault. I had a double major: psychology and reverse psychology.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 07 March 2012
  • Currently 5.16/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (37)

Dumber Child

There were these two professors arguing over which one had the dumber child. Each professor thought his was the bigger idiot. The first professor yells “There is no way that your son is dumber. My son has to be THE stupidest kid on Earth.”

The second professor says “No way, Jose. My son is the bigger idiot.”

The first professor says “Let me prove it to you. Hey Jake! (Jake runs to his father) I don't know if I left myself at the office or not. Would you run there and find out. If I'm there then tell me to come home and eat dinner.”

The son says, gleefully, “Sure dad” and runs off.

The second professor not to be outdone says “Oh Yea! Watch this! Hey Sam! Come here! (Sam runs to his father) Here are two pennies. With one penny buy a car and the other buy a microwave.”

Sam says “OK.” and leaves. The professors keep arguing.

Jay and Sam meet in the street. And they start arguing which one has the dumber father. Jay says, “Well listen. My father told me to find out if he is at the office or not. Well all he had to do was to call the office and find out himself. Two minutes and he would be done. That is stupid if I've ever heard it.”

Sam says “Well that is nothing. My dad told me to buy a car with one penny and a microwave with the other. But he didn't tell me which penny was for the car and which one is for the microwave.”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 07 March 2012
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Rating: 4.3/10 (31)

Blonde at the hospti

A blonde went to the hospital because her body hurt. She told the doctor that where ever she touched herself it would hurt. The doctor told her to demonstrate. She touched her elbow and it hurt. She touched her callf and it hurt. The doctor asked her if she was a blonde and she said yes.

"Thats why!!!!!!!!" "Your finger is broken!"

#joke #blonde #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 07 March 2013
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Rating: 6.3/10 (27)

Answering Machine Message 252


A bubble in the space-time continuum has connected your line to a channeler in the 23rd century. Any message you leave will be broadcast into the future.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 07 March 2011
  • Currently 5.09/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (23)

Who gets the present?

The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.

"Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to Mother? Who does everything she says?"

Five small voices answered in union. "Okay, Dad. You get the toy."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 07 March 2015
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Rating: 8.6/10 (16)

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