Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 19 April 2017

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 19 April 2017
  • Currently 9.55/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (2035)

Q u o t a b l e Q u o t e s

'The trouble with quotes on the Internet is that it's difficult to determine whether or not they are genuine.'
-- Abraham Lincoln

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

A guy is feeling depressed and

A guy is feeling depressed and goes for a walk on the beach.
He finds an old bottle on the shore, and when he picks it up a spirit comes out and says, "You look tense. Would you like a good back rub?"
"Well, actually, I'm depressed because I'm so broke. I wish you would give me a million dollars instead."
"I can't do that, but I can give you a back rub."
"Aren't genies supposed to grant wishes?"
"I'm not a genie. Does that look like an oil lamp? And you call what you did rubbing it? I'll show you what a real rub is!"
"If you're not a genie, what are you?"
"Haven't you ever heard of a massage in a bottle?"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 3.82/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (11)

“A podiatrist adds in

“A podiatrist adds insoles to injury.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Does the Michelin Man get dres

Does the Michelin Man get dressed in evening a tire?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

On his way out of church after

On his way out of church after mass, Frank stopped at the door to speakto the minister. "Would it be right," he asked, "for a person to profitfrom the mistakes of another?"
"Absolutely not!" replied the pastor, disappointed that Frank wouldeven ask such a question.
"In that case," said the young man, "I wonder if you'd considerreturning the hundred dollars I paid you to marry my wife and me lastJuly."
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 7.33/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (12)

It changed the meaning...

Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband.

"Henry," she said, "I've just received a letter from mother saying she isn't accepting our invitation to come and stay, as we do not appear to want her. What does she mean by that? I told you to write and say that she was to come at her own convenience. You did write, didn't you?"

"Er, yes, I did," said the husband. "But I, I couldn't spell 'convenience,' so I made it 'risk.'"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

MAGIC SQUARE: Calculate A-B+C

The aim is to place the some numbers from the list (5, 7, 13, 30, 32, 38, 55, 57, 63, 85, 89) into the empty squares and squares marked with A, B an C. Sum of each row and column should be equal. All the numbers of the magic square must be different. Find values for A, B, and C. Solution is A-B+C.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

 Impressing The Others


A young Air Force 2nd Lieutenant had just arrived at Misawa AFB in Japan.
He'd been given a beautiful renovated office and had it furnished with antiques.
Sitting there, he saw an enlisted man come into his outer office.
Wishing to appear the hot shot, the officer picked up the phone and started to pretend he was exchanging chit chat with the Base Commander.
He threw Colonel's and General's names around and talked about letting them stay in his Daddy's condo in Hawaii, and then set up a golfing date between him, the Base Commander, and the CO's of the Naval Security Group and Naval Air Facility.
Finally he hung up and asked the Sergeant, "Can I help you sergeant?"
The TSGT said, "Yes sir, I'm here to activate your phone lines."

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

Button Up

A man lost two buttons from his shirt and put them in his pants pocket. But the pocket had a hole, so the buttons fell into his shoe. Unfortunately, the shoe sole also had a hole, so he lost the buttons. As pockets with holes, holes without buttons, and shoe soles with holes are useless, the man ripped the buttonholes out of his shirt and the pocked from his pants and tossed them in the trash along with the soles of his shoes.A police officer who was observing the man asked him for some identification. The man gave the officer a document that shoed he was an ordained minister of the gospel. When the officer began to escort him to a mental institution, the minister protested violently, asking why he was receiving such unjust treatment.“Look, we both know it’s the best place for you now,” the officer replied. “Anyone claiming to be a preacher who doesn’t save souls or wear holy clothes has probably lost his buttons.”From "The Book of Church Jokes," published by Barbour Publishing, Inc., Uhrichsville, Ohio. Copyright 2009. Used by permission of Barbour Publishing, Inc.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 17 February 2017
  • Currently 3.44/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (9)

A trip to the dentist...

A woman phoned her dentist when she received a huge bill.

"I'm shocked!" she complained.

"This is three times what you normally charge."

"Yes, I know," said the dentist. "But you screamed so loudly, you scared away two other patients."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 19 April 2009
  • Currently 5.60/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (30)

Biblical Puns

Q: What was the secret of Delilah getting into Samson’s house?
A: She picked his locks.
Q: Why didn’t Pharaoh let the Israelites go into the wilderness after the first six plagues?
A: He was in de Nile.
Q: Why did Samson try to avoid arguing with Delilah?
A: He didn’t want to split hairs.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 19 April 2009
  • Currently 3.46/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (28)

Chuck Norris invented Kentucky...

Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 19 April 2011
  • Currently 2.82/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (28)

Bret Ernst: Blame America

Everybody likes to blame America for everything. What are we, only 233 years old? These other countries are thousands of years old. Not only did they not get it right, but a lot of times they screw up and ask us for help. Thats like a 90-year-old man asking a two-year-old for advice.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 19 April 2010
  • Currently 5.09/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (22)

A Very Minor Sin

A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gates he was asked by the gatekeeper, "Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?""Yes," the professor answered. "When I was a young candidate at the Hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against a team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not see it, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now."
"Well," said the gatekeeper. "That is a very minor sin. You may enter."
"Thank you very much, Saint Peter," the professor answered.
"You're welcome, but I am not Saint Peter," said the gatekeeper. "He is having his lunch break. I am Saint Lucas."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 19 April 2011
  • Currently 4.32/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (19)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.