Jokes of the day for Monday, 08 May 2017

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 08 May 2017
  • Currently 9.53/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (1833)

Must Be the Camera

A photographer was invited to dinner with friends and took along a few pictures to show the lady of the house. She looked at the photos and commented, 'These are great! You must have a good camera.'
He didn't make any comment, but as he was leaving to go home he said, 'That was a really delicious meal!
........You must have some very good pots.'

#joke
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

A small boy is sent to bed by

A small boy is sent to bed by his mother...
[Five minutes later]
"Mom..."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a glass of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
[Five minutes later]
"Mom..."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY... Can I have a glass of water?"
"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"
[Five minutes later]
"Mom..."
"WHAT??!!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a glass of water?"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

“After spending all d

“After spending all day grinding up tree bark and branches the worker was remarkably chipper afterwards.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Google Ads

Hear about the wig thief? He h

Hear about the wig thief? He had a hair owin' addiction.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

"Drag and Drop"
\

"Drag and Drop"
"We put the hospital in hospitality"
"Board as a doctor, leave as a patient"
"Our prices can’t be beaten, but our passengers can"
"We have First Class, Business Class and No Class"
"Not enough seating, prepare for a beating"
"We treat you like we treat your luggage"
"We beat the customer. Not the competition"
"And you thought leg room was an issue"
"Where voluntary is mandatory"
"Fight or flight. We decide"
"Now offering one free carry off"
"Beating random customers since 2017"
"If our staff needs a seat, we’ll drag you out by your feet"
"A bloody good airline"
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

Hari Kondabolu: Mosh Pit at a Weezer Concert

A mosh pit at a Weezer concert is different from other mosh pits. A mosh pit at a Weezer concert is basically nerds bumping into each other and apologizing.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.44/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (9)

Find the missing text [H*** H*****]

Background picture associated with the solution.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Lamaze class question....

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is GOOD for you! Walking is especially beneficial. And, Gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt YOU to take the time to go walking with your partner!"

The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.

"Yes?" replied the teacher.

"Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

#joke
Joke | Source: http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

Chicamote handmade accessories
http://www.chicamote.com/

An Inscription Problem

According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated, "Wash. Biol. Surv." until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper:
"Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 14 March 2017
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

Three Days After Easter

Following the resurrection, the disciples were still scattered about Jerusalem and the surrounding villages. John finds Peter and runs up to him. Excitedly he says, "Peter, Peter! I've got some good news and some bad news." Peter takes ahold of John and calms him down. "Take it easy, John. What is it? What's the good news?" John says, "The good news is Christ is risen." Peter says, "That's great! But, what's the bad news?" John, looking around, says, "He's really steamed about last Friday." From EasterHumor.com
#joke #friday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 13 January 2017
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

Dentist

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.
He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.
The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, says "Yes! How did you figure that out?"
"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."
One thing led to another and they make love.
After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist."
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, How did you figure that out?"

"Didn't feel a thing!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 08 May 2014
  • Currently 7.64/10

Rating: 7.6/10 (59)

Some people get lucky and kill...

Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn't think so either.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 08 May 2011
  • Currently 4.17/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (30)

An Unusual Vet

There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself

through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist.

Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two

vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their

owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore, his

income.

He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying,

"Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy -- Either way,

you get your dog back!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 08 May 2012
  • Currently 5.42/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (26)

Chuck Norris can speak braille...

Chuck Norris can speak braille.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 08 May 2012
  • Currently 5.09/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (22)

Business One-liners 113


Goebel's Second Law Of Useless Difficulty: The fastest way to get something done is to determine that it isn't worth doing.
Goebel's Law Of Computer Support: Troubleshooting a computer over the telephone is like having sex through a hole in a board fence. It can be done, but it is neither easy nor pleasant.
Goebel's Law Of Software Compatibility: A statement of absolute functional equivalence made in bold print followed by several pages of qualifications in fine.
Goebel's Theorem Of Software Schedules: Always multiply a software schedule by pi. This is because you think you're going in a straight line but always end up going full circle.
Goebel's Law Of Product Introductions: A future product release date does not say when a product will be introduced. All it says it that you don't have a chance of seeing it before that time.
Goebel's Observation On Utopia: If everyone believed in Peace, they would immediately begin fighting over the best way to achieve it.
Goebel's Law Of Intellectual Obscurity: What fun is it to be an expert if you make yourself easy to understand?

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 08 May 2011
  • Currently 3.14/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (21)

PREVIOUS DAY
NEXT DAY

Jokes of the day

Daily updated jokes. New jokes every day.
Google Ads
Follow jokes of the day on social networks
NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.

Jokes partners

  • Free GPS tracking service for mobile devices that allows you to track any cell phone with built-in GPS (or with Bluetooth GPS receiver) in real time - partner of the jokes of the day
  • Daily Brain Teasers - daily collection of brain teasers

Jokes Archive