Jokes of the day for Sunday, 13 August 2017

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 13 August 2017
  • Currently 9.56/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (1241)

A man is talking to his best f

A man is talking to his best friend about married life.
"You know," he says, "I really trust my wife, and I think she has always been faithful to me. But there's always that doubt."
His friend says, "Yeah, I know what you mean."
A couple of weeks later the man has to go out of town on business. Before he goes, he gets together with his friend. "While I'm away, could you do me a favor? Could you watch my house and see if there is anything fishy going on? I mean, I trust my wife but there's always that doubt."
The friend agrees to help out, and the man leaves town. Two weeks later he comes back and meets his friend.
"So did anything happen?"
"I have some bad news for you," says the friend.
"The day after you left I saw a strange car pull up in front of your house. The horn honked and your wife ran out and got into the car and they drove away. Later, after dark, the car came back. I saw your wife and a strange man get out. They went into the house and I saw a light go on, so I ran over and looked in the window. Your wife was kissing the man. Then he took off his shirt. Then she took off her blouse. Then they turned off the light."
"Then what happened?" says the man.
"I don't know. It was too dark to see."
"Damn, you see what I mean? There's always that doubt."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

If you work in demolition, you deserve a raze.
#joke #short

Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

Life choices...

An older man was married to a younger woman. After several years of a very happy marriage, he had a heart attack. The doctor advised him that in order to prolong his life, they should cut out sex.

He and his wife discussed the matter and decided that he should sleep in the family room downstairs to save them both from temptation.

One night, after several weeks of this, he decided that life without sex wasn't worth living. So he headed upstairs. He met his wife on the staircase and said, "I was coming to die."

She laughed and replied, "I was just coming down to kill you!"

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (8)

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 Rookie Is On The Job


A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.
The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.
The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner people."
A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off that corner... NOW!"
Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction.
Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?"
Pretty good," chuckled the vet, "especially since this is a bus stop."

#joke #policeman
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

Behavior Modification Re-enforcers

The HMO account manager noticed that nearly every bill from a certain pediatrician’s office included the line item “Behavior modification re-enforcers”.
Alarmed that the pediatrician was engaging in some unapproved, experimental psychological treatment, she called the physician’s office to inquire,
“What on earth are behavior modification re-enforcers?”
“Lollipops,” was the reply.

#joke
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

“The organic herb far

“The organic herb farmer was accused of dilly dallying around by his wife Rosemary, when he spent too much thyme trying to become a sage.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (8)

Find a famous person

Find the first and the last name of a famous person. Text may go in all 8 directions. Length of words in solution: 4,7.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Chuck Norris got shot. We are ...

Chuck Norris got shot. We are now in the hospital, where the bullet is in critical condition.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 13 August 2014
  • Currently 7.55/10

Rating: 7.6/10 (38)

The goal of the game is to color all the 25 squares. Clicking will invert clors of all the sqauers within the shape of pattern.
The game is designed for all ages and stimulate children's creativity and reasoning.

There used to be a street name...

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 13 August 2011
  • Currently 2.85/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (33)

Man Talks to God

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 13 August 2009
  • Currently 3.65/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (23)

Where No Man has gon

Two young brothers, aged 5 and 6, are listening through the keyhole as their older sister is getting it on with her new boyfriend.

They hear her say, "Oh, Jim, you're going where no man has gone before!"

The six-year-old says to his brother, "He must be fucking her up the ass!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 13 August 2011
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (23)

A major network is planning th...

A major network is planning the show "Survivor" this winter. In response, Texas is planning "Survivor, Texas Style." The contestants will start in Dallas, travel through Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston, and down to Brownsville. They will proceed up to Del Rio, on to El Paso, then to Midland/Odessa, Lubbock, and Amarillo. From there, they proceed to Abilene, and on to Ft. Worth and back to Dallas.

Each will be driving a pink Volvo with a bumper sticker that reads, "I'm gay, I voted for Al Gore, and I'm here to confiscate your guns."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 13 August 2010
  • Currently 5.78/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (18)

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