Before my daughter went on her first date, I gave her 'the talk.'
'Sometimes, it’s easy to get carried away when you’re with a boy,' I said. 'Remember, a short moment of indiscretion could ruin your life.'
'Don’t worry,' she said. 'I don’t plan on ruining my life until I get married.'
Wikipedia: I know everything!\Wikipedia: I know everything!
Google: I have everything!
Facebook: I know everybody!
Internet: Without me you all nothing.
Electricity: Yeah, keep talking...
Funny video of the day - 12 years old till wedding day - Photo Every Day
“A good meteor shower
“A good meteor shower can really rock your world.”
World's Greatest SneezerWorld's Greatest Sneezer: that's the life atchoos.
The Problems With Golf
The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you.
If Bible Characters Had Bumper StickersBiblical bumper stickers:Jonah: Save the WhalesThe Israelites: Honk If You Love MosesElijah: My Other Chariot RollsGoliath: Support the Ban on SlingshotsLot: If You Can’t See Sodom, You’re Too CloseMethuselah: Be Kind to Senior CitizensFrom "Moses' Favorite Travel Jokes," published by Barbour Publishing, Inc., Uhrichsville, Ohio. Copyright 2009. Used by permission of Barbour Publishing, Inc.
What hides this stereogram?
Family of tomatoes...
A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, Â“Ketchup!Â”
Modern ScienceResearchers say they've discovered a tree extract that could
help to prevent herpes...
.. Must be a rubber tree...
A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping."
John Mulaney: Benchwarmer HumiliationI played basketball for five years, and I was a benchwarmer all five years. If you were never a benchwarmer, I cannot express to you the humiliation of, every Saturday morning, putting on a pair of breakaway pants and never having a reason to break them away -- then theyre just pants.
Three couples went in to see the minister about becoming new members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.
The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle aged and the third couple was newly married.
Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister.
The retired couple said it was no problem at all.
The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that it was no problem.
The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.
"Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister.
"Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over."
The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.
"That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."