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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 14 September 2017

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 14 September 2017

Good Sense

Before my daughter went on her first date, I gave her 'the talk.'
'Sometimes, it’s easy to get carried away when you’re with a boy,' I said. 'Remember, a short moment of indiscretion could ruin your life.'
'Don’t worry,' she said. 'I don’t plan on ruining my life until I get married.'

 

#joke
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Wikipedia: I know everything!\

Wikipedia: I know everything!
Google: I have everything!
Facebook: I know everybody!
Internet: Without me you all nothing.
Electricity: Yeah, keep talking...
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

SLIDESHOW #127 - Funny Photo Slideshow

“A good meteor shower

“A good meteor shower can really rock your world.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

Funny video of the day - 12 years old till wedding day - Photo Every Day

12 years old till wedding day - Photo Every Day - You are married - game is over! - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.89/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (45)

World's Greatest Sneezer

World's Greatest Sneezer: that's the life atchoos.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

 The Problems With Golf


The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

If Bible Characters Had Bumper Stickers

Biblical bumper stickers:Jonah: Save the WhalesThe Israelites: Honk If You Love MosesElijah: My Other Chariot RollsGoliath: Support the Ban on SlingshotsLot: If You Can’t See Sodom, You’re Too CloseMethuselah: Be Kind to Senior CitizensFrom "Moses' Favorite Travel Jokes," published by Barbour Publishing, Inc., Uhrichsville, Ohio. Copyright 2009. Used by permission of Barbour Publishing, Inc.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 05 February 2017
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

Family of tomatoes...

A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, “Ketchup!”

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 27 October 2008
  • Currently 2.71/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (35)

Chuck Norris once pulled out a...

Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 September 2011
  • Currently 2.44/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (48)

Modern Science

Researchers say they've discovered a tree extract that could

help to prevent herpes...

.. Must be a rubber tree...

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 September 2011
  • Currently 5.49/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (37)

Shhhh!

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 14 September 2010
  • Currently 6.51/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (35)

John Mulaney: Benchwarmer Humiliation

I played basketball for five years, and I was a benchwarmer all five years. If you were never a benchwarmer, I cannot express to you the humiliation of, every Saturday morning, putting on a pair of breakaway pants and never having a reason to break them away -- then theyre just pants.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 September 2011
  • Currently 3.06/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (33)

Church members...

Three couples went in to see the minister about becoming new members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.

The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle aged and the third couple was newly married.

Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister.

The retired couple said it was no problem at all.

The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that it was no problem.

The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.

"Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister.

"Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over."

The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.

"That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 14 September 2009
  • Currently 7.57/10

Rating: 7.6/10 (14)

Ambitions

'I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink and be Mary.'

George Carlin(1937-2008)

Picture: AP

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 10 January 2015
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

Three questions

A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates.

"$50.00 for three questions."

replied the lawyer.

"Isn't that awfully steep?"

asked the man.

"Yes."

the lawyer replied, "What was your third question?"

#joke #short #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 24 November 2014
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

Two old men - Bert and Harry...

Two old men - Bert and Harry - were sitting quietly in a bar.
"When was the last time you made love to a woman?" Bert asked Harry.
"1945," replied Harry.
"My goodness!" exclaimed Bert. "That's a long time ago."
"Not really," said Harry, glancing at his watch. "It's only twenty past eight now."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (8)

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