Jokes of the day for Thursday, 21 September 2017

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 21 September 2017
  • Currently 9.57/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (1953)

The Coast Is Not Clear

It was two o’clock in the morning and a husband and wife were asleep when suddenly the phone rang.
The husband picked up the phone and said, “Hello? (Pause as he listens.) How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?” and promptly slammed the phone down.
His wife rolls over and asks, “Who was that?”
The husband replies, “I don’t know. Some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear.”

#joke
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

An elderly couple had been exp...

An elderly couple had been experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class where one is taught to remember things by association.
A few days after the class, the old man was outside talking with his neighbor about how much the class helped him.
"What was the name of the Instructor?" asked the neighbor.
"Oh, ummmm, let's see," the old man pondered. "You know that flower, you know, the one that smells really nice but has those prickly thorns, what's that flower's name?"
"A rose?" asked the neighbor.
"Yes, that's it," replied the old man. He then turned toward his house and shouted, "Hey, Rose, what's the name of the Instructor we took the memory class from?"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

“A skunk breeder is a

“A skunk breeder is a person of phew words.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Your ass is on the line if you

Your ass is on the line if you misuse punctuation. And you don't have an asterisk.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 1.67/10

Rating: 1.7/10 (6)

... That I got a pre-declined

... That I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
... I ordered a burger at McDonalds and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
... That CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
... If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
... Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
... McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
... Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
... A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .
.. Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
... Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
... The Mafia is laying off judges.
... Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
And finally...
Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

The millionaire...

A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his fiftieth birthday, so during this party he grabs the mic and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. "I will give anything they desire of mine, to the person who swims across that pool."

So the party continues with no events in the pool, until SUDDENLY, there is a great splash and all the guests of the party run to the pool to see what has happened, and in the pool is a man and he is swimming as hard as he can, and the fins come out of the water and the jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going and the sharks are gaining on him and this guy reaches the end and he gets out of the pool, wet and soaked!

The millionaire grabs the mic and says, "I am a man of his word, anything of mine I will give, my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir what will it be?" the millionaire asks.

The guy grabs the mic and says, "Why don't we start with the name of the idiot that pushed me in!"

#joke
  • Currently 8.36/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (14)

Find number abc

If acb5a - 2a2c9 = 5a4a9 find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

 Question And Answer Blond Jokes


Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

How to Make Holy Water

Q: How did the bishop make holy water?
A: He took some tap water and boiled the hell out of it.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 7.31/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (32)

Chinese Jews

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant.
"Sid," asked Al, "Are there any Jews in China?"
"I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"When the waiter came by, Al said, "Are there any Chinese Jews?"
"I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied and he went into the kitchen.
He quickly returned and said, "No, sir. No Chinese Jews."
"Are you sure?" Al asked.
"I will check again, sir." the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.
While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere."
When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Chinese Jews."
"Are you really sure?" Al asked again. "I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews."
"Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have orange jews, prune jews, tomato jews and grape jews, but no one ever hear of Chinese jews!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 21 September 2010
  • Currently 6.19/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (43)

Everybody loves Raymond. Excep...

Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 21 September 2011
  • Currently 3.45/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (42)

Having arrived at the edge of ...

Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat. Then he went about his fishing.
An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms in his mouth...
#joke #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 21 September 2010
  • Currently 7.11/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (37)

The Christmas gift...

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.

A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles."

"She did," he replied. "But where in the world was I gonna find a fake Jeep?"

#joke #short #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 21 September 2008
  • Currently 6.54/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (35)

Cross the Atlantic

Why did the British cross the Atlantic?

To get to the other tide!

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 21 September 2011
  • Currently 3.42/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (33)

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