Jokes of the day for Monday, 25 September 2017
Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 25 September 2017 |
Q & A Before & After Marriage
BEFORE MARRIAGE*
Man : I have been waiting for this day
Lady : Do you want me to leave?
Man : No
Lady: Do you love me?
Man: Of course
Lady: Will you ever cheat me?
Man: Never in my life
Lady: Will you ever hug me?
Man: Every chance I get
Lady: Will you hit me?
Man: Are you crazy?
Lady : Can I trust you?
Man: Yes
Lady: Sweet heart
*AFTER 25 YRS of MARRIAGE*
........ *Now Read from bottom to top*
When Abe returned home from wo
When Abe returned home from work, his wife Ruth said, "So how was your day?"He replied, "I met an artist and I've never met someone so talented. He said he painted a picture of a cobweb on his wall and it looked so real, the maid tried for over an hour to get it off.
Ruth said, "I don't believe him."
"Why not?" said Abe, "some artists are very good indeed."
"Maybe," said Ruth, "But maids aren't."
There are few guarantees in li
There are few guarantees in life but a blue sky is azure thing.Eight-year-old Sally brought h
Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's.However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."
Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother."
The cat that swallowed the yarn...
Did you hear about that cat who swallowed a ball of yarn?She had mittens!
Your Dentist Is Crazy
The Top 10 Signs Your Dentist Is Crazy
- Keeps trying to sell you extra teeth.
- His restrooms are labeled "Bleeders" and "Non-Bleeders"
- Pumps gas into the waiting room in advance.
- Does an extensive search for cavities...dental and body.
- He...ummm..licks his tools clean.
- Gets mad when you mention that 4 out of 5 dentists surveyed line.
- When you come to from being under the gas, he's quick to insist that you wore your pants backwards when you came into his office.
- Wears a necklace made of human teeth.
- Has a grindstone in the office for his tools.
- Insists that a Novacaine shot is something that he'll buy you at a bar if you just go out with him.
q: What do you get when you c...
q: What do you get when you cross an impressionist painter with a New York City cab driver?A: You get Vincent Van Go Fuck Yourself.
As President Roosevelt said: "...
As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."Top 10 Mom Scoldings in the Bible
10. Sampson, get your hands off of that lion, you don't know where it's been!
9. David, I told you not to play in the house with that string! Go practice your harp. We pay good money for those lessons.
8. Abraham! Stop wandering around the countryside and get home for supper!
7. Shadrach, Meschach and Abendeco! I told you, never play with fire!
6. Cain! Get off your brother! You're going to kill him some day!
5. Noah, no you can' t help them. Don't bring home any strays.
4. Gideon! Have you been hiding in that wine press again? Look at my clothes.
3. James and John! No more burping at the dinner table, please. People are going to call you sons of thunder.
2. Judas! Have you been in my purse again?
1. Jesus! Close the door! You think you were born in a barn.
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member Jalus
Heaven and Hell
A young woman came home and told her mom that her steady boyfriend had proposed, but she had turned him down because she found out he was an atheist, and didn't believe in Heaven or Hell. "Marry him anyway, honey. Between the two of us, we'll show him just how very wrong he is."A woman goes into an antique s...
A woman goes into an antique shop and says to the owner, "When I was in here last week I saw a big mug with a flat head that holds a lot of beer. I'd like to buy it.""Sorry," replied the owner, "but I can't sell you that."
"Why not?" asked the customer.
"Because that's my husband."
Better write it down
My Grandpa and Grandma were sitting on their porch swing enjoying the nice evening breeze, when Grandpa lovingly leaned over and said, "Hey Ma, I'm gonna have some ice cream, would you like some?"
"Yeah, Pa, but you'd better write it down or you'll forget", says Grandma.
Grandpa replies, "I won't forget." "Alright then", says Grandma, "I'd like nuts and whipped cream and a cherry on mine.
You'd better write that down, Pa you're gonna forget it." Disgruntled, Grandpa storms off to the kitchen mumbling that he wouldn't forget.
Well he's in there a long time, and when he finally does return, he has the best lookin' plate of scrambled eggs you ever saw. He smiles his best smile and leans over to give it to Grandma.
She just smiles back and says, "I told you that you'd better write it down, you old coot, you forgot my bacon!!!"...
Most Useless Inventions
- Non stick Cellotape
- Solar Powered Flash Light
- A black highlighter pen
- Glow in the dark sunglasses
- Inflatable Anchor
- Smooth Sandpaper
- Waterproof sponge
- Waterproof Teabags
- AC adapter for Solar powered calculators
- Fireproof Matches
- Fireproof Cigarettes
- Battery powered Battery Charger
- Seatbelts for Motorbikes
- Hand powered Chainsaw
- Inflatable Dartboard
- Silent Alarm Clock
- A Pedal powered wheelchair
- Braille Drivers Manual
- Double sided playing cards
- Ejector seats for Helicopters